Katherine
Mansfield
[Kathleen
Beauchamp]
THE
GARDEN PARTY
CONTENTS
3.
The Daughters of the Late Colonel Very early
morning. The sun was not yet risen, and the whole of Crescent
Bay was
hidden under a white sea-mist. The big bush-covered hills at
the
back were
smothered. You could not see where they ended and the paddocks
and
bungalows began. The sandy road was gone and the paddocks and
bungalows
the other side of it; there were no white dunes covered with
reddish
grass beyond them; there was nothing to mark which was beach and
where was
the sea. A heavy dew had fallen. The grass was blue.
Big drops
hung on
the bushes and just did not fall; the silvery, fluffy toi-toi was
limp on
its long stalks, and all the marigolds and the pinks in the
bungalow
gardens were bowed to the earth with wetness. Drenched were the
cold
fuchsias, round pearls of dew lay on the flat nasturtium leaves.
It
looked as
though the sea had beaten up softly in the darkness, as though
one
immense wave had come rippling, rippling--how far? Perhaps if
you had
waked up
in the middle of the night you might have seen a big fish flicking
in at the
window and gone again... Ah-Aah!
sounded the sleepy sea. And from the bush there came the sound
of
little
streams flowing, quickly, lightly, slipping between the smooth
stones,
gushing into ferny basins and out again; and there was the
splashing
of big drops on large leaves, and something else--what was it?--a
faint
stirring and shaking, the snapping of a twig and then such silence
that it
seemed some one was listening. Round the
corner of Crescent Bay, between the piled-up masses of broken
rock, a
flock of sheep came pattering. They were huddled together, a
small,
tossing, woolly mass, and their thin, stick-like legs trotted along
quickly as
if the cold and the quiet had frightened them. Behind them an
old
sheep-dog, his soaking paws covered with sand, ran along with his
nose
to the
ground, but carelessly, as if thinking of something else. And
then
in the
rocky gateway the shepherd himself appeared. He was a lean,
upright
old man,
in a frieze coat that was covered with a web of tiny drops, velvet
trousers
tied under the knee, and a wide-awake with a folded blue
handkerchief
round the brim. One hand was crammed into his belt, the other
grasped a
beautifully smooth yellow stick. And as he walked, taking his
time, he
kept up a very soft light whistling, an airy, far-away fluting
that
sounded mournful and tender. The old dog cut an ancient caper
or two
and then
drew up sharp, ashamed of his levity, and walked a few dignified
paces by
his master's side. The sheep ran forward in little pattering
rushes;
they began to bleat, and ghostly flocks and herds answered them
from under
the sea. "Baa! Baaa!" For a time they
seemed to be always on
the same
piece of ground. There ahead was stretched the sandy road with
shallow
puddles; the same soaking bushes showed on either side and the same
shadowy
palings. Then something immense came into view; an enormous
shock-
haired
giant with his arms stretched out. It was the big gum-tree
outside
Mrs.
Stubbs' shop, and as they passed by there was a strong whiff of
eucalyptus.
And now big spots of light gleamed in the mist. The shepherd
stopped
whistling; he rubbed his red nose and wet beard on his wet sleeve
and,
screwing up his eyes, glanced in the direction of the sea. The
sun
was
rising. It was marvellous how quickly the mist thinned, sped
away,
dissolved
from the shallow plain, rolled up from the bush and was gone as
if in a
hurry to escape; big twists and curls jostled and shouldered each
other as
the silvery beams broadened. The far-away sky--a bright, pure
blue--was
reflected in the puddles, and the drops, swimming along the
telegraph
poles, flashed into points of light. Now the leaping,
glittering
sea was so
bright it made one's eyes ache to look at it. The shepherd drew
a pipe,
the bowl as small as an acorn, out of his breast pocket, fumbled
for a
chunk of speckled tobacco, pared off a few shavings and stuffed the
bowl.
He was a grave, fine-looking old man. As he lit up and the blue
smoke
wreathed his head, the dog, watching, looked proud of him. "Baa!
Baaa!" The sheep spread out into a fan. They were
just clear of
the summer
colony before the first sleeper turned over and lifted a drowsy
head;
their cry sounded in the dreams of little children...who lifted their
arms to
drag down, to cuddle the darling little woolly lambs of sleep.
Then the
first inhabitant appeared; it was the Burnells' cat Florrie,
sitting on
the gatepost, far too early as usual, looking for their milk-
girl.
When she saw the old sheep-dog she sprang up quickly, arched her
back, drew
in her tabby head, and seemed to give a little fastidious
shiver.
"Ugh! What a coarse, revolting creature!" said
Florrie. But the
old
sheep-dog, not looking up, waggled past, flinging out his legs from
side to
side. Only one of his ears twitched to prove that he saw, and
thought
her a silly young female. The breeze
of morning lifted in the bush and the smell of leaves and wet
black
earth mingled with the sharp smell of the sea. Myriads of birds
were
singing.
A goldfinch flew over the shepherd's head and, perching on the
tiptop of
a spray, it turned to the sun, ruffling its small breast
feathers.
And now they had passed the fisherman's hut, passed the charred-
looking
little whare where Leila the milk-girl lived with her old Gran.
The sheep
strayed over a yellow swamp and Wag, the sheep-dog, padded after,
rounded
them up and headed them for the steeper, narrower rocky pass that
led out of
Crescent Bay and towards Daylight Cove. "Baa! Baa!"
Faint the
cry came
as they rocked along the fast-drying road. The shepherd put
away
his pipe,
dropping it into his breast-pocket so that the little bowl hung
over.
And straightway the soft airy whistling began again. Wag ran
out
along a
ledge of rock after something that smelled, and ran back again
disgusted.
Then pushing, nudging, hurrying, the sheep rounded the bend and
the
shepherd followed after out of sight.
1.II. A few
moments later the back door of one of the bungalows opened, and a
figure in
a broad-striped bathing suit flung down the paddock, cleared the
stile,
rushed through the tussock grass into the hollow, staggered up the
sandy
hillock, and raced for dear life over the big porous stones, over the
cold, wet
pebbles, on to the hard sand that gleamed like oil. Splish-
Splosh!
Splish-Splosh! The water bubbled round his legs as Stanley
Burnell
waded out exulting. First man in as usual! He'd beaten
them all
again.
And he swooped down to souse his head and neck. "Hail,
brother! All hail, Thou Mighty One!" A velvety bass
voice came
booming
over the water. Great
Scott! Damnation take it! Stanley lifted up to see a dark
head
bobbing
far out and an arm lifted. It was Jonathan Trout--there before
him!
"Glorious morning!" sang the voice. "Yes,
very fine!" said Stanley briefly. Why the dickens didn't
the fellow
stick to
his part of the sea? Why should he come barging over to this
exact
spot? Stanley gave a kick, a lunge and struck out, swimming
overarm.
But
Jonathan was a match for him. Up he came, his black hair sleek
on his
forehead,
his short beard sleek. "I
had an extraordinary dream last night!" he shouted. What was
the matter with the man? This mania for conversation irritated
Stanley
beyond words. And it was always the same--always some piffle
about
a dream
he'd had, or some cranky idea he'd got hold of, or some rot he'd
been
reading. Stanley turned over on his back and kicked with his
legs
till he
was a living waterspout. But even then..."I dreamed I was
hanging
over a
terrifically high cliff, shouting to some one below." You
would be!
thought
Stanley. He could stick no more of it. He stopped
splashing.
"Look
here, Trout," he said, "I'm in rather a hurry this
morning." "You're
WHAT?" Jonathan was so surprised--or pretended to be--that
he sank
under the
water, then reappeared again blowing. "All
I mean is," said Stanley, "I've no time to--to--to fool
about. I want
to get
this over. I'm in a hurry. I've work to do this
morning--see?" Jonathan
was gone before Stanley had finished. "Pass, friend!"
said the
bass voice
gently, and he slid away through the water with scarcely a
ripple...But
curse the fellow! He'd ruined Stanley's bathe. What an
unpractical
idiot the man was! Stanley struck out to sea again, and then
as quickly
swam in again, and away he rushed up the beach. He felt
cheated. Jonathan
stayed a little longer in the water. He floated, gently moving
his hands
like fins, and letting the sea rock his long, skinny body. It
was
curious, but in spite of everything he was fond of Stanley Burnell.
True, he
had a fiendish desire to tease him sometimes, to poke fun at him,
but at
bottom he was sorry for the fellow. There was something
pathetic in
his
determination to make a job of everything. You couldn't help
feeling
he'd be
caught out one day, and then what an almighty cropper he'd come!
At that
moment an immense wave lifted Jonathan, rode past him, and broke
along the
beach with a joyful sound. What a beauty! And now there
came
another.
That was the way to live--carelessly, recklessly, spending
oneself.
He got on to his feet and began to wade towards the shore,
pressing
his toes into the firm, wrinkled sand. To take things easy, not
to fight
against the ebb and flow of life, but to give way to it--that was
what was
needed. It was this tension that was all wrong. To
live--to
live!
And the perfect morning, so fresh and fair, basking in the light, as
though
laughing at its own beauty, seemed to whisper, "Why not?" But now he
was out of the water Jonathan turned blue with cold. He ached
all over;
it was as though some one was wringing the blood out of him.
And
stalking
up the beach, shivering, all his muscles tight, he too felt his
bathe was
spoilt. He'd stayed in too long.
1.III. Beryl was
alone in the living-room when Stanley appeared, wearing a blue
serge
suit, a stiff collar and a spotted tie. He looked almost
uncannily
clean and
brushed; he was going to town for the day. Dropping into his
chair, he
pulled out his watch and put it beside his plate. "I've
just got twenty-five minutes," he said. "You might go
and see if the
porridge
is ready, Beryl?" "Mother's
just gone for it," said Beryl. She sat down at the table
and
poured out
his tea. "Thanks!"
Stanley took a sip. "Hallo!" he said in an astonished
voice,
"you've
forgotten the sugar." "Oh,
sorry!" But even then Beryl didn't help him; she pushed
the basin
across.
What did this mean? As Stanley helped himself his blue eyes
widened;
they seemed to quiver. He shot a quick glance at his sister-in-
law and
leaned back. "Nothing
wrong, is there?" he asked carelessly, fingering his collar. Beryl's
head was bent; she turned her plate in her fingers. "Nothing,"
said her light voice. Then she too looked up, and smiled at
Stanley.
"Why should there be?" "O-oh!
No reason at all as far as I know. I thought you seemed
rather--"
At that
moment the door opened and the three little girls appeared, each
carrying a
porridge plate. They were dressed alike in blue jerseys and
knickers;
their brown legs were bare, and each had her hair plaited and
pinned up
in what was called a horse's tail. Behind them came Mrs.
Fairfield
with the tray. "Carefully,
children," she warned. But they were taking the very
greatest
care.
They loved being allowed to carry things. "Have you said
good
morning to
your father?" "Yes,
grandma." They settled themselves on the bench opposite
Stanley and
Beryl. "Good
morning, Stanley!" Old Mrs. Fairfield gave him his plate. "Morning,
mother! How's the boy?" "Splendid!
He only woke up once last night. What a perfect morning!"
The
old woman
paused, her hand on the loaf of bread, to gaze out of the open
door into
the garden. The sea sounded. Through the wide-open window
streamed
the sun on to the yellow varnished walls and bare floor.
Everything
on the table flashed and glittered. In the middle there was an
old salad
bowl filled with yellow and red nasturtiums. She smiled, and a
look of
deep content shone in her eyes. "You
might cut me a slice of that bread, mother," said Stanley.
"I've only
twelve and
a half minutes before the coach passes. Has anyone given my
shoes to
the servant girl?" "Yes,
they're ready for you." Mrs. Fairfield was quite
unruffled. "Oh,
Kezia! Why are you such a messy child!" cried Beryl
despairingly. "Me,
Aunt Beryl?" Kezia stared at her. What had she done
now? She had
only dug a
river down the middle of her porridge, filled it, and was eating
the banks
away. But she did that every single morning, and no one had
said
a word up
till now. "Why
can't you eat your food properly like Isabel and Lottie?"
How unfair
grown-ups
are! "But
Lottie always makes a floating island, don't you, Lottie?" "I
don't," said Isabel smartly. "I just sprinkle mine
with sugar and put
on the
milk and finish it. Only babies play with their food." Stanley
pushed back his chair and got up. "Would
you get me those shoes, mother? And, Beryl, if you've finished,
I
wish you'd
cut down to the gate and stop the coach. Run in to your mother,
Isabel,
and ask her where my bowler hat's been put. Wait a minute--have
you
children been playing with my stick?" "No,
father!" "But
I put it here." Stanley began to bluster. "I
remember distinctly
putting it
in this corner. Now, who's had it? There's no time to
lose.
Look
sharp! The stick's got to be found." Even
Alice, the servant-girl, was drawn into the chase. "You
haven't been
using it
to poke the kitchen fire with by any chance?" Stanley
dashed into the bedroom where Linda was lying. "Most
extraordinary
thing.
I can't keep a single possession to myself. They've made away
with
my stick,
now!" "Stick,
dear? What stick?" Linda's vagueness on these
occasions could not
be real,
Stanley decided. Would nobody sympathize with him? "Coach!
Coach, Stanley!" Beryl's voice cried from the gate. Stanley
waved his arm to Linda. "No time to say good-bye!" he
cried. And
he meant
that as a punishment to her. He
snatched his bowler hat, dashed out of the house, and swung down the
garden
path. Yes, the coach was there waiting, and Beryl, leaning over
the
open gate,
was laughing up at somebody or other just as if nothing had
happened.
The heartlessness of women! The way they took it for granted it
was your
job to slave away for them while they didn't even take the trouble
to see
that your walking-stick wasn't lost. Kelly trailed his whip
across
the
horses. "Good-bye,
Stanley," called Beryl, sweetly and gaily. It was easy
enough
to say
good-bye! And there she stood, idle, shading her eyes with her
hand.
The worst of it was Stanley had to shout good-bye too, for the sake
of
appearances. Then he saw her turn, give a little skip and run
back to
the
house. She was glad to be rid of him! Yes, she
was thankful. Into the living-room she ran and called "He's
gone!"
Linda cried from her room: "Beryl! Has Stanley
gone?" Old Mrs.
Fairfield
appeared, carrying the boy in his little flannel coatee. "Gone?" "Gone!" Oh, the
relief, the difference it made to have the man out of the house.
Their very
voices were changed as they called to one another; they sounded
warm and
loving and as if they shared a secret. Beryl went over to the
table.
"Have another cup of tea, mother. It's still hot."
She wanted,
somehow,
to celebrate the fact that they could do what they liked now.
There was
no man to disturb them; the whole perfect day was theirs. "No,
thank you, child," said old Mrs. Fairfield, but the way at that
moment
she tossed
the boy up and said "a-goos-a-goos-a-ga!" to him meant that
she
felt the
same. The little girls ran into the paddock like chickens let
out
of a coop. Even
Alice, the servant-girl, washing up the dishes in the kitchen, caught
the
infection and used the precious tank water in a perfectly reckless
fashion. "Oh,
these men!" said she, and she plunged the teapot into the bowl
and
held it
under the water even after it had stopped bubbling, as if it too
was a man
and drowning was too good for them.
1.IV. "Wait
for me, Isa-bel! Kezia, wait for me!" There was
poor little Lottie, left behind again, because she found it so
fearfully
hard to get over the stile by herself. When she stood on the
first step
her knees began to wobble; she grasped the post. Then you had
to put one
leg over. But which leg? She never could decide.
And when she
did
finally put one leg over with a sort of stamp of despair--then the
feeling
was awful. She was half in the paddock still and half in the
tussock
grass. She clutched the post desperately and lifted up her
voice.
"Wait
for me!" "No,
don't you wait for her, Kezia!" said Isabel. "She's
such a little
silly.
She's always making a fuss. Come on!" And she tugged
Kezia's
jersey.
"You can use my bucket if you come with me," she said
kindly.
"It's
bigger than yours." But Kezia couldn't leave Lottie all by
herself.
She ran
back to her. By this time Lottie was very red in the face and
breathing
heavily. "Here,
put your other foot over," said Kezia. "Where?" Lottie
looked down at Kezia as if from a mountain height. "Here
where my hand is." Kezia patted the place. "Oh,
there do you mean!" Lottie gave a deep sigh and put the
second foot
over. "Now--sort
of turn round and sit down and slide," said Kezia. "But
there's nothing to sit down on, Kezia," said Lottie. She
managed it at last, and once it was over she shook herself and began
to
beam. "I'm
getting better at climbing over stiles, aren't I, Kezia?" Lottie's
was a very hopeful nature. The pink
and the blue sunbonnet followed Isabel's bright red sunbonnet up
that
sliding, slipping hill. At the top they paused to decide where
to go
and to
have a good stare at who was there already. Seen from behind,
standing
against the skyline, gesticulating largely with their spades, they
looked
like minute puzzled explorers. The whole
family of Samuel Josephs was there already with their lady-help,
who sat on
a camp-stool and kept order with a whistle that she wore tied
round her
neck, and a small cane with which she directed operations. The
Samuel
Josephs never played by themselves or managed their own game.
If
they did,
it ended in the boys pouring water down the girls' necks or the
girls
trying to put little black crabs into the boys' pockets. So
Mrs. S.
J. and the
poor lady-help drew up what she called a "brogramme" every
morning to
keep them "abused and out of bischief." It was all
competitions
or races
or round games. Everything began with a piercing blast of the
lady-help's
whistle and ended with another. There were even prizes--large,
rather
dirty paper parcels which the lady-help with a sour little smile
drew out
of a bulging string kit. The Samuel Josephs fought fearfully
for
the prizes
and cheated and pinched one another's arms--they were all expert
pinchers.
The only time the Burnell children ever played with them Kezia
had got a
prize, and when she undid three bits of paper she found a very
small
rusty button-hook. She couldn't understand why they made such a
fuss... But they
never played with the Samuel Josephs now or even went to their
parties.
The Samuel Josephs were always giving children's parties at the
Bay and
there was always the same food. A big washhand basin of very
brown
fruit-salad,
buns cut into four and a washhand jug full of something the
lady-help
called "Limonadear." And you went away in the evening
with half
the frill
torn off your frock or something spilled all down the front of
your
open-work pinafore, leaving the Samuel Josephs leaping like savages
on
their
lawn. No! They were too awful. On the
other side of the beach, close down to the water, two little boys,
their
knickers rolled up, twinkled like spiders. One was digging, the
other
pattered in and out of the water, filling a small bucket. They
were
the Trout
boys, Pip and Rags. But Pip was so busy digging and Rags was so
busy
helping that they didn't see their little cousins until they were
quite
close. "Look!"
said Pip. "Look what I've discovered." And he
showed them an old
wet,
squashed-looking boot. The three little girls stared. "Whatever
are you going to do with it?" asked Kezia. "Keep
it, of course!" Pip was very scornful. "It's a
find--see?" Yes, Kezia
saw that. All the same... "There's
lots of things buried in the sand," explained Pip. "They
get
chucked up
from wrecks. Treasure. Why--you might find--"
"But
why does Rags have to keep on pouring water in?" asked Lottie. "Oh,
that's to moisten it," said Pip, "to make the work a bit
easier. Keep
it up,
Rags." And good
little Rags ran up and down, pouring in the water that turned
brown like
cocoa. "Here,
shall I show you what I found yesterday?" said Pip mysteriously,
and
he stuck
his spade into the sand. "Promise not to tell." They
promised. "Say,
cross my heart straight dinkum." The little
girls said it. Pip took
something out of his pocket, rubbed it a long time on the front of
his
jersey, then breathed on it and rubbed it again. "Now
turn round!" he ordered. They
turned round. "All
look the same way! Keep still! Now!" And his
hand opened; he held up to the light something that flashed, that
winked,
that was a most lovely green. "It's
a nemeral," said Pip solemnly. "Is
it really, Pip?" Even Isabel was impressed. The lovely
green thing seemed to dance in Pip's fingers. Aunt Beryl had a
nemeral in
a ring, but it was a very small one. This one was as big as a
star and
far more beautiful.
1.V. As the
morning lengthened whole parties appeared over the sand-hills and
came down
on the beach to bathe. It was understood that at eleven o'clock
the women
and children of the summer colony had the sea to themselves.
First the
women undressed, pulled on their bathing dresses and covered
their
heads in hideous caps like sponge bags; then the children were
unbuttoned.
The beach was strewn with little heaps of clothes and shoes;
the big
summer hats, with stones on them to keep them from blowing away,
looked
like immense shells. It was strange that even the sea seemed to
sound
differently when all those leaping, laughing figures ran into the
waves.
Old Mrs. Fairfield, in a lilac cotton dress and a black hat tied
under the
chin, gathered her little brood and got them ready. The little
Trout boys
whipped their shirts over their heads, and away the five sped,
while
their grandma sat with one hand in her knitting-bag ready to draw out
the ball
of wool when she was satisfied they were safely in. The firm
compact little girls were not half so brave as the tender,
delicate-looking
little boys. Pip and Rags, shivering, crouching down,
slapping
the water, never hesitated. But Isabel, who could swim twelve
strokes,
and Kezia, who could nearly swim eight, only followed on the
strict
understanding they were not to be splashed. As for Lottie, she
didn't
follow at all. She liked to be left to go in her own way,
please.
And that
way was to sit down at the edge of the water, her legs straight,
her knees
pressed together, and to make vague motions with her arms as if
she
expected to be wafted out to sea. But when a bigger wave than
usual,
an old
whiskery one, came lolloping along in her direction, she scrambled
to her
feet with a face of horror and flew up the beach again. "Here,
mother, keep those for me, will you?" Two rings
and a thin gold chain were dropped into Mrs Fairfield's lap. "Yes,
dear. But aren't you going to bathe here?" "No-o,"
Beryl drawled. She sounded vague. "I'm undressing
farther along.
I'm going
to bathe with Mrs. Harry Kember." "Very
well." But Mrs. Fairfield's lips set. She
disapproved of Mrs Harry
Kember.
Beryl knew it. Poor old
mother, she smiled, as she skimmed over the stones. Poor old
mother!
Old! Oh, what joy, what bliss it was to be young... "You
look very pleased," said Mrs. Harry Kember. She sat
hunched up on the
stones,
her arms round her knees, smoking. "It's
such a lovely day," said Beryl, smiling down at her. "Oh
my dear!" Mrs. Harry Kember's voice sounded as though she
knew better
than
that. But then her voice always sounded as though she knew
something
better
about you than you did yourself. She was a long,
strange-looking
woman with
narrow hands and feet. Her face, too, was long and narrow and
exhausted-looking;
even her fair curled fringe looked burnt out and
withered.
She was the only woman at the Bay who smoked, and she smoked
incessantly,
keeping the cigarette between her lips while she talked, and
only
taking it out when the ash was so long you could not understand why
it
did not
fall. When she was not playing bridge--she played bridge every
day
of her
life--she spent her time lying in the full glare of the sun.
She
could
stand any amount of it; she never had enough. All the same, it
did
not seem
to warm her. Parched, withered, cold, she lay stretched on the
stones
like a piece of tossed-up driftwood. The women at the Bay
thought
she was
very, very fast. Her lack of vanity, her slang, the way she
treated
men as though she was one of them, and the fact that she didn't
care
twopence about her house and called the servant Gladys "Glad-eyes,"
was
disgraceful. Standing on the veranda steps Mrs. Kember would
call in
her
indifferent, tired voice, "I say, Glad-eyes, you might heave me
a
handkerchief
if I've got one, will you?" And Glad-eyes, a red bow in
her
hair
instead of a cap, and white shoes, came running with an impudent
smile.
It was an absolute scandal! True, she had no children, and her
husband...Here
the voices were always raised; they became fervent. How can
he have
married her? How can he, how can he? It must have been
money, of
course,
but even then! Mrs.
Kember's husband was at least ten years younger than she was, and so
incredibly
handsome that he looked like a mask or a most perfect
illustration
in an American novel rather than a man. Black hair, dark blue
eyes, red
lips, a slow sleepy smile, a fine tennis player, a perfect
dancer,
and with it all a mystery. Harry Kember was like a man walking
in
his
sleep. Men couldn't stand him, they couldn't get a word out of
the
chap; he
ignored his wife just as she ignored him. How did he live?
Of
course
there were stories, but such stories! They simply couldn't be
told.
The women
he'd been seen with, the places he'd been seen in...but nothing
was ever
certain, nothing definite. Some of the women at the Bay
privately
thought
he'd commit a murder one day. Yes, even while they talked to
Mrs.
Kember and
took in the awful concoction she was wearing, they saw her,
stretched
as she lay on the beach; but cold, bloody, and still with a
cigarette
stuck in the corner of her mouth. Mrs.
Kember rose, yawned, unsnapped her belt buckle, and tugged at the
tape
of her
blouse. And Beryl stepped out of her skirt and shed her jersey,
and
stood up
in her short white petticoat, and her camisole with ribbon bows on
the
shoulders. "Mercy
on us," said Mrs. Harry Kember, "what a little beauty you
are!" "Don't!"
said Beryl softly; but, drawing off one stocking and then the
other, she
felt a little beauty. "My
dear--why not?" said Mrs. Harry Kember, stamping on her own
petticoat.
Really--her
underclothes! A pair of blue cotton knickers and a linen
bodice
that reminded one somehow of a pillow-case..."And you don't wear
stays, do
you?" She touched Beryl's waist, and Beryl sprang away
with a
small
affected cry. Then "Never!" she said firmly.
"Lucky
little creature," sighed Mrs. Kember, unfastening her own. Beryl
turned her back and began the complicated movements of some one who
is trying
to take off her clothes and to pull on her bathing-dress all at
one and
the same time. "Oh,
my dear--don't mind me," said Mrs. Harry Kember. "Why
be shy? I
shan't eat
you. I shan't be shocked like those other ninnies."
And she
gave her
strange neighing laugh and grimaced at the other women. But Beryl
was shy. She never undressed in front of anybody. Was
that
silly?
Mrs. Harry Kember made her feel it was silly, even something to be
ashamed
of. Why be shy indeed! She glanced quickly at her friend
standing
so boldly
in her torn chemise and lighting a fresh cigarette; and a quick,
bold, evil
feeling started up in her breast. Laughing recklessly, she drew
on the
limp, sandy-feeling bathing-dress that was not quite dry and
fastened
the twisted buttons. "That's
better," said Mrs. Harry Kember. They began to go down the
beach
together.
"Really, it's a sin for you to wear clothes, my dear.
Somebody's
got to tell you some day." The water
was quite warm. It was that marvellous transparent blue,
flecked
with
silver, but the sand at the bottom looked gold; when you kicked with
your toes
there rose a little puff of gold-dust. Now the waves just
reached
her breast. Beryl stood, her arms outstretched, gazing out, and
as
each wave
came she gave the slightest little jump, so that it seemed it was
the wave
which lifted her so gently. "I
believe in pretty girls having a good time," said Mrs. Harry
Kember.
"Why
not? Don't you make a mistake, my dear. Enjoy yourself."
And
suddenly
she turned turtle, disappeared, and swam away quickly, quickly,
like a
rat. Then she flicked round and began swimming back. She
was going
to say
something else. Beryl felt that she was being poisoned by this
cold
woman, but
she longed to hear. But oh, how strange, how horrible! As
Mrs.
Harry
Kember came up close she looked, in her black waterproof bathing-cap,
with her
sleepy face lifted above the water, just her chin touching, like a
horrible
caricature of her husband.
1.VI. In a
steamer chair, under a manuka tree that grew in the middle of the
front
grass patch, Linda Burnell dreamed the morning away. She did
nothing.
She looked up at the dark, close, dry leaves of the manuka, at
the chinks
of blue between, and now and again a tiny yellowish flower
dropped on
her. Pretty--yes, if you held one of those flowers on the palm
of your
hand and looked at it closely, it was an exquisite small thing.
Each pale
yellow petal shone as if each was the careful work of a loving
hand.
The tiny tongue in the centre gave it the shape of a bell. And
when
you turned
it over the outside was a deep bronze colour. But as soon as
they
flowered, they fell and were scattered. You brushed them off
your
frock as
you talked; the horrid little things got caught in one's hair.
Why, then,
flower at all? Who takes the trouble--or the joy--to make all
these
things that are wasted, wasted...It was uncanny. On the
grass beside her, lying between two pillows, was the boy. Sound
asleep he
lay, his head turned away from his mother. His fine dark hair
looked
more like a shadow than like real hair, but his ear was a bright,
deep
coral. Linda clasped her hands above her head and crossed her
feet.
It was
very pleasant to know that all these bungalows were empty, that
everybody
was down on the beach, out of sight, out of hearing. She had
the
garden to
herself; she was alone. Dazzling
white the picotees shone; the golden-eyed marigold glittered; the
nasturtiums
wreathed the veranda poles in green and gold flame. If only
one had
time to look at these flowers long enough, time to get over the
sense of
novelty and strangeness, time to know them! But as soon as one
paused to
part the petals, to discover the under-side of the leaf, along
came Life
and one was swept away. And, lying in her cane chair, Linda
felt
so light;
she felt like a leaf. Along came Life like a wind and she was
seized and
shaken; she had to go. Oh dear, would it always be so?
Was
there no
escape? ...Now she
sat on the veranda of their Tasmanian home, leaning against her
father's
knee. And he promised, "As soon as you and I are old
enough,
Linny,
we'll cut off somewhere, we'll escape. Two boys together.
I have a
fancy I'd
like to sail up a river in China." Linda saw that river,
very
wide,
covered with little rafts and boats. She saw the yellow hats of
the
boatmen
and she heard their high, thin voices as they called... "Yes,
papa." But just
then a very broad young man with bright ginger hair walked slowly
past their
house, and slowly, solemnly even, uncovered. Linda's father
pulled her
ear teasingly, in the way he had. "Linny's
beau," he whispered. "Oh,
papa, fancy being married to Stanley Burnell!" Well, she
was married to him. And what was more she loved him. Not
the
Stanley
whom every one saw, not the everyday one; but a timid, sensitive,
innocent
Stanley who knelt down every night to say his prayers, and who
longed to
be good. Stanley was simple. If he believed in people--as
he
believed
in her, for instance--it was with his whole heart. He could not
be
disloyal; he could not tell a lie. And how terribly he suffered
if he
thought
any one--she--was not being dead straight, dead sincere with him!
"This
is too subtle for me!" He flung out the words, but his
open,
quivering,
distraught look was like the look of a trapped beast. But the
trouble was--here Linda felt almost inclined to laugh, though
Heaven
knows it was no laughing matter--she saw her Stanley so seldom.
There were
glimpses, moments, breathing spaces of calm, but all the rest of
the time
it was like living in a house that couldn't be cured of the habit
of
catching on fire, on a ship that got wrecked every day. And it
was
always
Stanley who was in the thick of the danger. Her whole time was
spent in
rescuing him, and restoring him, and calming him down, and
listening
to his story. And what was left of her time was spent in the
dread of
having children. Linda
frowned; she sat up quickly in her steamer chair and clasped her
ankles.
Yes, that was her real grudge against life; that was what she
could not
understand. That was the question she asked and asked, and
listened
in vain for the answer. It was all very well to say it was the
common lot
of women to bear children. It wasn't true. She, for one,
could
prove that
wrong. She was broken, made weak, her courage was gone, through
child-bearing.
And what made it doubly hard to bear was, she did not love
her
children. It was useless pretending. Even if she had had
the strength
she never
would have nursed and played with the little girls. No, it was
as though
a cold breath had chilled her through and through on each of
those
awful journeys; she had no warmth left to give them. As to the
boy--
well,
thank Heaven, mother had taken him; he was mother's, or Beryl's, or
anybody's
who wanted him. She had hardly held him in her arms. She
was so
indifferent
about him that as he lay there...Linda glanced down. The boy
had turned over. He lay facing her, and he was no longer
asleep.
His
dark-blue, baby eyes were open; he looked as though he was peeping at
his
mother. And suddenly his face dimpled; it broke into a wide,
toothless
smile, a
perfect beam, no less. "I'm
here!" that happy smile seemed to say. "Why don't you
like me?" There was
something so quaint, so unexpected about that smile that Linda
smiled
herself. But she checked herself and said to the boy coldly, "I
don't like
babies." "Don't
like babies?" The boy couldn't believe her. "Don't
like me? " He
waved his
arms foolishly at his mother. Linda
dropped off her chair on to the grass. "Why
do you keep on smiling?" she said severely. "If you
knew what I was
thinking
about, you wouldn't." But he
only squeezed up his eyes, slyly, and rolled his head on the pillow.
He didn't
believe a word she said. "We
know all about that!" smiled the boy. Linda was
so astonished at the confidence of this little creature...Ah no,
be
sincere. That was not what she felt; it was something far
different, it
was
something so new, so...The tears danced in her eyes; she breathed in
a
small
whisper to the boy, "Hallo, my funny!" But by now
the boy had forgotten his mother. He was serious again.
Something
pink, something soft waved in front of him. He made a grab at
it
and it
immediately disappeared. But when he lay back, another, like
the
first,
appeared. This time he determined to catch it. He made a
tremendous
effort and rolled right over.
1.VII. The tide
was out; the beach was deserted; lazily flopped the warm sea.
The
sun beat
down, beat down hot and fiery on the fine sand, baking the grey
and blue
and black and white-veined pebbles. It sucked up the little
drop
of water
that lay in the hollow of the curved shells; it bleached the pink
convolvulus
that threaded through and through the sand-hills. Nothing
seemed to
move but the small sand-hoppers. Pit-pit-pit! They were
never
still. Over there
on the weed-hung rocks that looked at low tide like shaggy
beasts
come down to the water to drink, the sunlight seemed to spin like a
silver
coin dropped into each of the small rock pools. They danced,
they
quivered,
and minute ripples laved the porous shores. Looking down,
bending
over, each pool was like a lake with pink and blue houses
clustered
on the shores; and oh! the vast mountainous country behind those
houses--the
ravines, the passes, the dangerous creeks and fearful tracks
that led
to the water's edge. Underneath waved the sea-forest--pink
thread-like
trees, velvet anemones, and orange berry-spotted weeds. Now a
stone on
the bottom moved, rocked, and there was a glimpse of a black
feeler;
now a thread-like creature wavered by and was lost. Something
was
happening
to the pink, waving trees; they were changing to a cold moonlight
blue.
And now there sounded the faintest "plop." Who made
that sound?
What was
going on down there? And how strong, how damp the seaweed smelt
in the hot
sun... The green
blinds were drawn in the bungalows of the summer colony. Over
the
verandas, prone on the paddock, flung over the fences, there were
exhausted-looking
bathing-dresses and rough striped towels. Each back
window
seemed to have a pair of sand-shoes on the sill and some lumps of
rock or a
bucket or a collection of pawa shells. The bush quivered in a
haze of
heat; the sandy road was empty except for the Trouts' dog Snooker,
who lay
stretched in the very middle of it. His blue eye was turned up,
his legs
stuck out stiffly, and he gave an occasional desperate-sounding
puff, as
much as to say he had decided to make an end of it and was only
waiting
for some kind cart to come along. "What
are you looking at, my grandma? Why do you keep stopping and
sort of
staring at
the wall?" Kezia and
her grandmother were taking their siesta together. The little
girl,
wearing only her short drawers and her under-bodice, her arms and
legs bare,
lay on one of the puffed-up pillows of her grandma's bed, and
the old
woman, in a white ruffled dressing-gown, sat in a rocker at the
window,
with a long piece of pink knitting in her lap. This room that
they
shared,
like the other rooms of the bungalow, was of light varnished wood
and the
floor was bare. The furniture was of the shabbiest, the
simplest.
The
dressing-table, for instance, was a packing-case in a sprigged muslin
petticoat,
and the mirror above was very strange; it was as though a little
piece of
forked lightning was imprisoned in it. On the table there stood
a
jar of
sea-pinks, pressed so tightly together they looked more like a
velvet
pincushion, and a special shell which Kezia had given her grandma
for a
pin-tray, and another even more special which she had thought would
make a
very nice place for a watch to curl up in. "Tell
me, grandma," said Kezia. The old
woman sighed, whipped the wool twice round her thumb, and drew the
bone
needle through. She was casting on. "I
was thinking of your Uncle William, darling," she said quietly. "My
Australian Uncle William?" said Kezia. She had another.
"Yes,
of course." "The
one I never saw?" "That
was the one." "Well,
what happened to him?" Kezia knew perfectly well, but she
wanted to
be told
again. "He
went to the mines, and he got a sunstroke there and died," said
old
Mrs.
Fairfield. Kezia
blinked and considered the picture again...a little man fallen over
like a tin
soldier by the side of a big black hole. "Does
it make you sad to think about him, grandma?" She hated
her grandma
to be sad. It was the
old woman's turn to consider. Did it make her sad? To
look
back,
back. To stare down the years, as Kezia had seen her doing.
To look
after them
as a woman does, long after they were out of sight. Did it make
her sad?
No, life was like that. "No,
Kezia." "But
why?" asked Kezia. She lifted one bare arm and began to
draw things
in the
air. "Why did Uncle William have to die? He wasn't
old." Mrs.
Fairfield began counting the stitches in threes. "It just
happened,"
she said
in an absorbed voice. "Does
everybody have to die?" asked Kezia. "Everybody!" "Me?"
Kezia sounded fearfully incredulous. "Some
day, my darling." "But,
grandma." Kezia waved her left leg and waggled the toes.
They felt
sandy.
"What if I just won't?" The old
woman sighed again and drew a long thread from the ball. "We're
not asked, Kezia," she said sadly. "It happens to all
of us sooner
or later." Kezia lay
still thinking this over. She didn't want to die. It
meant she
would have
to leave here, leave everywhere, for ever, leave--leave her
grandma.
She rolled over quickly. "Grandma,"
she said in a startled voice. "What,
my pet!" "You're
not to die." Kezia was very decided. "Ah,
Kezia"--her grandma looked up and smiled and shook her
head--"don't
let's talk
about it." "But
you're not to. You couldn't leave me. You couldn't not be
there."
This was
awful. "Promise me you won't ever do it, grandma,"
pleaded Kezia. The old
woman went on knitting. "Promise
me! Say never!" But still
her grandma was silent. Kezia
rolled off her bed; she couldn't bear it any longer, and lightly she
leapt on
to her grandma's knees, clasped her hands round the old woman's
throat and
began kissing her, under the chin, behind the ear, and blowing
down her
neck. "Say
never...say never...say never--" She gasped between the kisses.
And
then she
began, very softly and lightly, to tickle her grandma.
"Kezia!"
The old woman dropped her knitting. She swung back in the
rocker.
She began to tickle Kezia. "Say never, say never, say
never,"
gurgled
Kezia, while they lay there laughing in each other's arms.
"Come,
that's
enough, my squirrel! That's enough, my wild pony!" said
old Mrs.
Fairfield,
setting her cap straight. "Pick up my knitting." Both of
them had forgotten what the "never" was about.
1.VIII. The sun
was still full on the garden when the back door of the Burnells'
shut with
a bang, and a very gay figure walked down the path to the gate.
It was
Alice, the servant-girl, dressed for her afternoon out. She
wore a
white
cotton dress with such large red spots on it and so many that they
made you
shudder, white shoes and a leghorn turned up under the brim with
poppies.
Of course she wore gloves, white ones, stained at the fastenings
with
iron-mould, and in one hand she carried a very dashed-looking
sunshade
which she
referred to as her "perishall."
Beryl,
sitting in the window, fanning her freshly-washed hair, thought she
had never
seen such a guy. If Alice had only blacked her face with a
piece
of cork
before she started out, the picture would have been complete.
And
where did
a girl like that go to in a place like this? The heart-shaped
Fijian fan
beat scornfully at that lovely bright mane. She supposed Alice
had picked
up some horrible common larrikin and they'd go off into the bush
together.
Pity to have made herself so conspicuous; they'd have hard work
to hide
with Alice in that rig-out. But no,
Beryl was unfair. Alice was going to tea with Mrs Stubbs, who'd
sent her
an "invite" by the little boy who called for orders.
She had
taken ever
such a liking to Mrs. Stubbs ever since the first time she went
to the
shop to get something for her mosquitoes. "Dear
heart!" Mrs. Stubbs had clapped her hand to her side.
"I never seen
anyone so
eaten. You might have been attacked by canningbals." Alice did
wish there'd been a bit of life on the road though. Made her
feel so
queer, having nobody behind her. Made her feel all weak in the
spine.
She couldn't believe that some one wasn't watching her. And yet
it
was silly
to turn round; it gave you away. She pulled up her gloves,
hummed to
herself and said to the distant gum-tree, "Shan't be long now."
But that
was hardly company. Mrs.
Stubbs's shop was perched on a little hillock just off the road.
It
had two
big windows for eyes, a broad veranda for a hat, and the sign on
the roof,
scrawled MRS. STUBBS'S, was like a little card stuck rakishly in
the hat
crown. On the
veranda there hung a long string of bathing-dresses, clinging
together
as though they'd just been rescued from the sea rather than
waiting to
go in, and beside them there hung a cluster of sandshoes so
extraordinarily
mixed that to get at one pair you had to tear apart and
forcibly
separate at least fifty. Even then it was the rarest thing to
find the
left that belonged to the right. So many people had lost
patience
and gone
off with one shoe that fitted and one that was a little too
big...Mrs.
Stubbs prided herself on keeping something of everything. The
two
windows, arranged in the form of precarious pyramids, were crammed so
tight,
piled so high, that it seemed only a conjurer could prevent them
from
toppling over. In the left-hand corner of one window, glued to
the
pane by
four gelatine lozenges, there was--and there had been from time
immemorial--a
notice. LOST!
HANSOME GOLE BROOCH
SOLID GOLD
ON OR NEAR
BEACH
REWARD
OFFERED Alice
pressed open the door. The bell jangled, the red serge curtains
parted,
and Mrs. Stubbs appeared. With her broad smile and the long
bacon
knife in
her hand, she looked like a friendly brigand. Alice was
welcomed
so warmly
that she found it quite difficult to keep up her "manners."
They
consisted
of persistent little coughs and hems, pulls at her gloves, tweaks
at her
skirt, and a curious difficulty in seeing what was set before her or
understanding
what was said. Tea was
laid on the parlour table--ham, sardines, a whole pound of butter,
and such a
large johnny cake that it looked like an advertisement for
somebody's
baking-powder. But the Primus stove roared so loudly that it
was
useless to try to talk above it. Alice sat down on the edge of
a
basket-chair
while Mrs. Stubbs pumped the stove still higher. Suddenly
Mrs.
Stubbs whipped the cushion off a chair and disclosed a large brown-
paper
parcel. "I've
just had some new photers taken, my dear," she shouted
cheerfully to
Alice.
"Tell me what you think of them." In a very
dainty, refined way Alice wet her finger and put the tissue back
from the
first one. Life! How many there were! There were
three dozzing
at least.
And she held it up to the light. Mrs.
Stubbs sat in an arm-chair, leaning very much to one side.
There was
a look of
mild astonishment on her large face, and well there might be.
For though
the arm-chair stood on a carpet, to the left of it, miraculously
skirting
the carpet-border, there was a dashing water-fall. On her right
stood a
Grecian pillar with a giant fern-tree on either side of it, and in
the
background towered a gaunt mountain, pale with snow. "It
is a nice style, isn't it?" shouted Mrs. Stubbs; and Alice had
just
screamed
"Sweetly" when the roaring of the Primus stove died down,
fizzled
out,
ceased, and she said "Pretty" in a silence that was
frightening. "Draw
up your chair, my dear," said Mrs. Stubbs, beginning to pour
out.
"Yes,"
she said thoughtfully, as she handed the tea, "but I don't care
about the
size. I'm having an enlargemint. All very well for
Christmas
cards, but
I never was the one for small photers myself. You get no
comfort
out of them. To say the truth, I find them dis'eartening." Alice
quite saw what she meant. "Size,"
said Mrs. Stubbs. "Give me size. That was what my
poor dear
husband
was always saying. He couldn't stand anything small. Gave
him the
creeps.
And, strange as it may seem, my dear"--here Mrs. Stubbs creaked
and seemed
to expand herself at the memory--"it was dropsy that carried him
off at the
larst. Many's the time they drawn one and a half pints from 'im
at the
'ospital...It seemed like a judgmint." Alice
burned to know exactly what it was that was drawn from him. She
ventured,
"I suppose it was water." But Mrs.
Stubbs fixed Alice with her eyes and replied meaningly, "It was
liquid, my
dear." Liquid!
Alice jumped away from the word like a cat and came back to it,
nosing and
wary. "That's
'im!" said Mrs. Stubbs, and she pointed dramatically to the
life-
size head
and shoulders of a burly man with a dead white rose in the
buttonhole
of his coat that made you think of a curl of cold mutting fat.
Just
below, in silver letters on a red cardboard ground, were the words,
"Be
not afraid, it is I." "It's
ever such a fine face," said Alice faintly. The
pale-blue bow on the top of Mrs. Stubbs's fair frizzy hair quivered.
She arched
her plump neck. What a neck she had! It was bright pink
where
it began
and then it changed to warm apricot, and that faded to the colour
of a brown
egg and then to a deep creamy. "All
the same, my dear," she said surprisingly, "freedom's
best!" Her
soft, fat
chuckle sounded like a purr. "Freedom's best," said
Mrs. Stubbs
again. Freedom!
Alice gave a loud, silly little titter. She felt awkward.
Her
mind flew
back to her own kitching. Ever so queer! She wanted to be
back
in it
again.
1.IX. A strange
company assembled in the Burnells' washhouse after tea. Round
the table
there sat a bull, a rooster, a donkey that kept forgetting it was
a donkey,
a sheep and a bee. The washhouse was the perfect place for such
a meeting
because they could make as much noise as they liked, and nobody
ever
interrupted. It was a small tin shed standing apart from the
bungalow.
Against the wall there was a deep trough and in the corner a
copper
with a basket of clothes-pegs on top of it. The little window,
spun
over with
cobwebs, had a piece of candle and a mouse-trap on the dusty
sill.
There were clotheslines criss-crossed overhead and, hanging from a
peg on the
wall, a very big, a huge, rusty horseshoe. The table was in the
middle
with a form at either side. "You
can't be a bee, Kezia. A bee's not an animal. It's a
ninseck." "Oh,
but I do want to be a bee frightfully," wailed Kezia...A tiny
bee, all
yellow-furry,
with striped legs. She drew her legs up under her and leaned
over the
table. She felt she was a bee. "A
ninseck must be an animal," she said stoutly. "It
makes a noise. It's
not like a
fish." "I'm
a bull, I'm a bull!" cried Pip. And he gave such a
tremendous bellow-
-how did
he make that noise?--that Lottie looked quite alarmed. "I'll
be a sheep," said little Rags. "A whole lot of sheep
went past this
morning." "How
do you know?" "Dad
heard them. Baa!" He sounded like the little lamb
that trots behind
and seems
to wait to be carried. "Cock-a-doodle-do!"
shrilled Isabel. With her red cheeks and bright eyes
she looked
like a rooster. "What'll
I be?" Lottie asked everybody, and she sat there smiling,
waiting
for them
to decide for her. It had to be an easy one. "Be a
donkey, Lottie." It was Kezia's suggestion.
"Hee-haw! You can't
forget
that." "Hee-haw!"
said Lottie solemnly. "When do I have to say it?" "I'll
explain, I'll explain," said the bull. It was he who had
the cards.
He waved
them round his head. "All be quiet! All listen!"
And he waited
for them.
"Look here, Lottie." He turned up a card. "It's
got two spots
on
it--see? Now, if you put that card in the middle and somebody
else has
one with
two spots as well, you say 'Hee-haw,' and the card's yours." "Mine?"
Lottie was round-eyed. "To keep?" "No,
silly. Just for the game, see? Just while we're
playing." The bull
was very
cross with her. "Oh,
Lottie, you are a little silly," said the proud rooster. Lottie
looked at both of them. Then she hung her head; her lip
quivered.
"I
don't want to play," she whispered. The others glanced at
one another
like
conspirators. All of them knew what that meant. She would
go away
and be
discovered somewhere standing with her pinny thrown over her head,
in a
corner, or against a wall, or even behind a chair. "Yes,
you do, Lottie. It's quite easy," said Kezia. And
Isabel, repentant, said exactly like a grown-up, "Watch me,
Lottie, and
you'll
soon learn." "Cheer
up, Lot," said Pip. "There, I know what I'll do.
I'll give you the
first
one. It's mine, really, but I'll give it to you. Here you
are."
And he
slammed the card down in front of Lottie. Lottie
revived at that. But now she was in another difficulty.
"I haven't
got a
hanky," she said; "I want one badly, too." "Here,
Lottie, you can use mine." Rags dipped into his sailor
blouse and
brought up
a very wet-looking one, knotted together. "Be very
careful," he
warned
her. "Only use that corner. Don't undo it.
I've got a little
starfish
inside I'm going to try and tame." "Oh,
come on, you girls," said the bull. "And mind--you're
not to look at
your
cards. You've got to keep your hands under the table till I say
'Go.'" Smack went
the cards round the table. They tried with all their might to
see, but
Pip was too quick for them. It was very exciting, sitting there
in the
washhouse; it was all they could do not to burst into a little
chorus of
animals before Pip had finished dealing. "Now,
Lottie, you begin." Timidly
Lottie stretched out a hand, took the top card off her pack, had a
good look
at it--it was plain she was counting the spots--and put it down.
"No,
Lottie, you can't do that. You mustn't look first. You
must turn it
the other
way over." "But
then everybody will see it the same time as me," said Lottie. The game
proceeded. Mooe-ooo-er! The bull was terrible. He
charged over
the table
and seemed to eat the cards up. Bss-ss!
said the bee. Cock-a-doodle-do!
Isabel stood up in her excitement and moved her elbows
like
wings. Baa!
Little Rags put down the King of Diamonds and Lottie put down the one
they
called the King of Spain. She had hardly any cards left. "Why
don't you call out, Lottie?" "I've
forgotten what I am," said the donkey woefully. "Well,
change! Be a dog instead! Bow-wow!" "Oh
yes. That's much easier." Lottie smiled again.
But when she and
Kezia both
had a one Kezia waited on purpose. The others made signs to
Lottie and
pointed. Lottie turned very red; she looked bewildered, and at
last she
said, "Hee-haw! Ke-zia." "Ss!
Wait a minute!" They were in the very thick of it when the
bull
stopped
them, holding up his hand. "What's that? What's that
noise?" "What
noise? What do you mean?" asked the rooster. "Ss!
Shut up! Listen!" They were mouse-still. "I
thought I heard a--a
sort of
knocking," said the bull. "What
was it like?" asked the sheep faintly. No answer. The bee
gave a shudder. "Whatever did we shut the door for?"
she said
softly.
Oh, why, why had they shut the door? While they
were playing, the day had faded; the gorgeous sunset had blazed
and died.
And now the quick dark came racing over the sea, over the sand-
hills, up
the paddock. You were frightened to look in the corners of the
washhouse,
and yet you had to look with all your might. And somewhere, far
away,
grandma was lighting a lamp. The blinds were being pulled down;
the
kitchen
fire leapt in the tins on the mantelpiece. "It
would be awful now," said the bull, "if a spider was to
fall from the
ceiling on
to the table, wouldn't it?" "Spiders
don't fall from ceilings." "Yes,
they do. Our Min told us she'd seen a spider as big as a
saucer,
with long
hairs on it like a gooseberry." Quickly
all the little heads were jerked up; all the little bodies drew
together,
pressed together. "Why
doesn't somebody come and call us?" cried the rooster. Oh, those
grown-ups, laughing and snug, sitting in the lamp-light, drinking
out of
cups! They'd forgotten about them. No, not really
forgotten. That
was what
their smile meant. They had decided to leave them there all by
themselves. Suddenly
Lottie gave such a piercing scream that all of them jumped off the
forms, all
of them screamed too. "A face--a face looking!"
shrieked
Lottie. It was
true, it was real. Pressed against the window was a pale face,
black
eyes, a black beard. "Grandma!
Mother! Somebody!" But they
had not got to the door, tumbling over one another, before it
opened for
Uncle Jonathan. He had come to take the little boys home.
1.X. He had
meant to be there before, but in the front garden he had come upon
Linda
walking up and down the grass, stopping to pick off a dead pink or
give a
top-heavy carnation something to lean against, or to take a deep
breath of
something, and then walking on again, with her little air of
remoteness.
Over her white frock she wore a yellow, pink-fringed shawl
from the
Chinaman's shop. "Hallo,
Jonathan!" called Linda. And Jonathan whipped off his
shabby
panama,
pressed it against his breast, dropped on one knee, and kissed
Linda's
hand. "Greeting,
my Fair One! Greeting, my Celestial Peach Blossom!" boomed
the
bass voice
gently. "Where are the other noble dames?" "Beryl's
out playing bridge and mother's giving the boy his bath...Have you
come to
borrow something?" The Trouts
were for ever running out of things and sending across to the
Burnells'
at the last moment. But
Jonathan only answered, "A little love, a little kindness;"
and he
walked by
his sister-in-law's side. Linda
dropped into Beryl's hammock under the manuka-tree, and Jonathan
stretched
himself on the grass beside her, pulled a long stalk and began
chewing
it. They knew each other well. The voices of children
cried from
the other
gardens. A fisherman's light cart shook along the sandy road,
and from
far away they heard a dog barking; it was muffled as though the
dog had
its head in a sack. If you listened you could just hear the
soft
swish of
the sea at full tide sweeping the pebbles. The sun was sinking. "And
so you go back to the office on Monday, do you, Jonathan?" asked
Linda. "On
Monday the cage door opens and clangs to upon the victim for another
eleven
months and a week," answered Jonathan. Linda
swung a little. "It must be awful," she said slowly. "Would
ye have me laugh, my fair sister? Would ye have me weep?" Linda was
so accustomed to Jonathan's way of talking that she paid no
attention
to it. "I
suppose," she said vaguely, "one gets used to it. One
gets used to
anything." "Does
one? Hum!" The "Hum" was so deep it seemed
to boom from underneath
the
ground. "I wonder how it's done," brooded Jonathan;
"I've never
managed
it." Looking at
him as he lay there, Linda thought again how attractive he was.
It was
strange to think that he was only an ordinary clerk, that Stanley
earned
twice as much money as he. What was the matter with Jonathan?
He
had no
ambition; she supposed that was it. And yet one felt he was
gifted,
exceptional.
He was passionately fond of music; every spare penny he had
went on
books. He was always full of new ideas, schemes, plans.
But
nothing
came of it all. The new fire blazed in Jonathan; you almost
heard
it roaring
softly as he explained, described and dilated on the new thing;
but a
moment later it had fallen in and there was nothing but ashes, and
Jonathan
went about with a look like hunger in his black eyes. At these
times he
exaggerated his absurd manner of speaking, and he sang in church--
he was the
leader of the choir--with such fearful dramatic intensity that
the
meanest hymn put on an unholy splendour. "It
seems to me just as imbecile, just as infernal, to have to go to the
office on
Monday," said Jonathan, "as it always has done and always
will
do.
To spend all the best years of one's life sitting on a stool from
nine
to five,
scratching in somebody's ledger! It's a queer use to make of
one's...one
and only life, isn't it? Or do I fondly dream?" He
rolled
over on
the grass and looked up at Linda. "Tell me, what is the
difference
between my
life and that of an ordinary prisoner. The only difference I
can see is
that I put myself in jail and nobody's ever going to let me out.
That's a
more intolerable situation than the other. For if I'd been--
pushed in,
against my will--kicking, even--once the door was locked, or at
any rate
in five years or so, I might have accepted the fact and begun to
take an
interest in the flight of flies or counting the warder's steps
along the
passage with particular attention to variations of tread and so
on.
But as it is, I'm like an insect that's flown into a room of its own
accord.
I dash against the walls, dash against the windows, flop against
the
ceiling, do everything on God's earth, in fact, except fly out again.
And all
the while I'm thinking, like that moth, or that butterfly, or
whatever
it is, 'The shortness of life! The shortness of life!'
I've only
one night
or one day, and there's this vast dangerous garden, waiting out
there,
undiscovered, unexplored." "But,
if you feel like that, why--" began Linda quickly. "Ah!"
cried Jonathan. And that "ah!" was somehow almost
exultant. "There
you have
me. Why? Why indeed? There's the maddening,
mysterious
question.
Why don't I fly out again? There's the window or the door or
whatever
it was I came in by. It's not hopelessly shut--is it? Why
don't
I find it
and be off? Answer me that, little sister." But he
gave her no
time to
answer. "I'm
exactly like that insect again. For some reason"--Jonathan
paused
between
the words--"it's not allowed, it's forbidden, it's against the
insect
law, to stop banging and flopping and crawling up the pane even for
an
instant. Why don't I leave the office? Why don't I
seriously consider,
this
moment, for instance, what it is that prevents me leaving? It's
not
as though
I'm tremendously tied. I've two boys to provide for, but, after
all,
they're boys. I could cut off to sea, or get a job up-country,
or--"
Suddenly
he smiled at Linda and said in a changed voice, as if he were
confiding
a secret, "Weak...weak. No stamina. No anchor.
No guiding
principle,
let us call it." But then the dark velvety voice rolled
out:" "Would
ye hear the story
How
it unfolds itself..." and they
were silent. The sun
had set. In the western sky there were great masses of
crushed-up
rose-coloured
clouds. Broad beams of light shone through the clouds and
beyond
them as if they would cover the whole sky. Overhead the blue
faded;
it turned
a pale gold, and the bush outlined against it gleamed dark and
brilliant
like metal. Sometimes when those beams of light show in the sky
they are
very awful. They remind you that up there sits Jehovah, the
jealous
God, the Almighty, Whose eye is upon you, ever watchful, never
weary.
You remember that at His coming the whole earth will shake into one
ruined
graveyard; the cold, bright angels will drive you this way and that,
and there
will be no time to explain what could be explained so
simply...But
to-night it seemed to Linda there was something infinitely
joyful and
loving in those silver beams. And now no sound came from the
sea.
It breathed softly as if it would draw that tender, joyful beauty
into its
own bosom. "It's
all wrong, it's all wrong," came the shadowy voice of Jonathan.
"It's
not the scene, it's not the setting for...three stools, three desks,
three
inkpots and a wire blind." Linda knew
that he would never change, but she said, "Is it too late, even
now?" "I'm
old--I'm old," intoned Jonathan. He bent towards her, he
passed his
hand over
his head. "Look!" His black hair was speckled
all over with
silver,
like the breast plumage of a black fowl. Linda was
surprised. She had no idea that he was grey. And yet, as
he
stood up
beside her and sighed and stretched, she saw him, for the first
time, not
resolute, not gallant, not careless, but touched already with
age.
He looked very tall on the darkening grass, and the thought crossed
her mind,
"He is like a weed." Jonathan
stooped again and kissed her fingers. "Heaven
reward thy sweet patience, lady mine," he murmured. "I
must go
seek those
heirs to my fame and fortune..." He was gone.
1.XI. Light
shone in the windows of the bungalow. Two square patches of
gold
fell upon
the pinks and the peaked marigolds. Florrie, the cat, came out
on to the
veranda, and sat on the top step, her white paws close together,
her tail
curled round. She looked content, as though she had been
waiting
for this
moment all day. "Thank
goodness, it's getting late," said Florrie. "Thank
goodness, the
long day
is over." Her greengage eyes opened. Presently
there sounded the rumble of the coach, the crack of Kelly's whip.
It came
near enough for one to hear the voices of the men from town,
talking
loudly together. It stopped at the Burnells' gate. Stanley
was half-way up the path before he saw Linda. "Is that
you,
darling?" "Yes,
Stanley." He leapt
across the flower-bed and seized her in his arms. She was
enfolded
in that familiar, eager, strong embrace. "Forgive
me, darling, forgive me," stammered Stanley, and he put his hand
under her
chin and lifted her face to him. "Forgive
you?" smiled Linda. "But whatever for?" "Good
God! You can't have forgotten," cried Stanley Burnell.
"I've
thought of
nothing else all day. I've had the hell of a day. I made
up my
mind to
dash out and telegraph, and then I thought the wire mightn't reach
you before
I did. I've been in tortures, Linda." "But,
Stanley," said Linda, "what must I forgive you for?" "Linda!"--Stanley
was very hurt--"didn't you realize--you must have
realized--I
went away without saying good-bye to you this morning? I can't
imagine
how I can have done such a thing. My confounded temper, of
course.
But--well"--and
he sighed and took her in his arms again--"I've suffered
for it
enough to-day." "What's
that you've got in your hand?" asked Linda. "New
gloves? Let me
see." "Oh,
just a cheap pair of wash-leather ones," said Stanley humbly.
"I
noticed
Bell was wearing some in the coach this morning, so, as I was
passing
the shop, I dashed in and got myself a pair. What are you
smiling
at?
You don't think it was wrong of me, do you?" "On
the con-trary, darling," said Linda, "I think it was most
sensible." She pulled
one of the large, pale gloves on her own fingers and looked at
her hand,
turning it this way and that. She was still smiling. Stanley
wanted to say, "I was thinking of you the whole time I bought
them."
It was true, but for some reason he couldn't say it. "Let's
go
in,"
said he.
1.XII. Why does
one feel so different at night? Why is it so exciting to be
awake
when
everybody else is asleep? Late--it is very late! And yet
every
moment you
feel more and more wakeful, as though you were slowly, almost
with every
breath, waking up into a new, wonderful, far more thrilling and
exciting
world than the daylight one. And what is this queer sensation
that
you're a conspirator? Lightly, stealthily you move about your
room.
You take
something off the dressing-table and put it down again without a
sound.
And everything, even the bed-post, knows you, responds, shares your
secret... You're not
very fond of your room by day. You never think about it.
You're in
and out, the door opens and slams, the cupboard creaks. You sit
down on
the side of your bed, change your shoes and dash out again. A
dive
down to
the glass, two pins in your hair, powder your nose and off again.
But
now--it's suddenly dear to you. It's a darling little funny
room.
It's
yours. Oh, what a joy it is to own things! Mine--my own! "My
very own for ever?" "Yes."
Their lips met. No, of
course, that had nothing to do with it. That was all nonsense
and
rubbish.
But, in spite of herself, Beryl saw so plainly two people
standing
in the middle of her room. Her arms were round his neck; he
held
her.
And now he whispered, "My beauty, my little beauty!"
She jumped off
her bed,
ran over to the window and kneeled on the window-seat, with her
elbows on
the sill. But the beautiful night, the garden, every bush,
every
leaf, even
the white palings, even the stars, were conspirators too. So
bright was
the moon that the flowers were bright as by day; the shadow of
the
nasturtiums, exquisite lily-like leaves and wide-open flowers, lay
across the
silvery veranda. The manuka-tree, bent by the southerly winds,
was like a
bird on one leg stretching out a wing. But when
Beryl looked at the bush, it seemed to her the bush was sad. "We
are dumb trees, reaching up in the night, imploring we know not
what,"
said the
sorrowful bush. It is true
when you are by yourself and you think about life, it is always
sad.
All that excitement and so on has a way of suddenly leaving you, and
it's as
though, in the silence, somebody called your name, and you heard
your name
for the first time. "Beryl!" "Yes,
I'm here. I'm Beryl. Who wants me?" "Beryl!" "Let
me come." It is
lonely living by oneself. Of course, there are relations,
friends,
heaps of
them; but that's not what she means. She wants some one who
will
find the
Beryl they none of them know, who will expect her to be that Beryl
always.
She wants a lover. "Take
me away from all these other people, my love. Let us go far
away.
Let us
live our life, all new, all ours, from the very beginning. Let
us
make our
fire. Let us sit down to eat together. Let us have long
talks at
night." And the
thought was almost, "Save me, my love. Save me!" ..."Oh,
go on! Don't be a prude, my dear. You enjoy yourself
while you're
young.
That's my advice." And a high rush of silly laughter
joined Mrs.
Harry
Kember's loud, indifferent neigh. You see,
it's so frightfully difficult when you've nobody. You're so at
the mercy
of things. You can't just be rude. And you've always this
horror of
seeming inexperienced and stuffy like the other ninnies at the
Bay.
And--and it's fascinating to know you've power over people.
Yes,
that is
fascinating... Oh why, oh
why doesn't "he" come soon? If I go on
living here, thought Beryl, anything may happen to me. "But
how do you know he is coming at all?" mocked a small voice
within her. But Beryl
dismissed it. She couldn't be left. Other people,
perhaps, but
not she.
It wasn't possible to think that Beryl Fairfield never married,
that
lovely fascinating girl. "Do
you remember Beryl Fairfield?" "Remember
her! As if I could forget her! It was one summer at the
Bay
that I saw
her. She was standing on the beach in a blue"--no, pink--
"muslin
frock, holding on a big cream"--no, black--"straw hat.
But it's
years ago
now." "She's
as lovely as ever, more so if anything." Beryl
smiled, bit her lip, and gazed over the garden. As she gazed,
she
saw
somebody, a man, leave the road, step along the paddock beside their
palings as
if he was coming straight towards her. Her heart beat.
Who was
it?
Who could it be? It couldn't be a burglar, certainly not a
burglar,
for he was
smoking and he strolled lightly. Beryl's heart leapt; it seemed
to turn
right over, and then to stop. She recognized him. "Good
evening, Miss Beryl," said the voice softly. "Good
evening." "Won't
you come for a little walk?" it drawled. Come for a
walk--at that time of night! "I couldn't.
Everybody's in bed.
Everybody's
asleep." "Oh,"
said the voice lightly, and a whiff of sweet smoke reached her.
"What
does everybody matter? Do come! It's such a fine night.
There's
not a soul
about." Beryl
shook her head. But already something stirred in her, something
reared its
head. The voice
said, "Frightened?" It mocked, "Poor little
girl!" "Not
in the least," said she. As she spoke that weak thing
within her
seemed to
uncoil, to grow suddenly tremendously strong; she longed to go! And just
as if this was quite understood by the other, the voice said,
gently and
softly, but finally, "Come along!" Beryl
stepped over her low window, crossed the veranda, ran down the grass
to the
gate. He was there before her. "That's
right," breathed the voice, and it teased, "You're not
frightened,
are you?
You're not frightened?" She was;
now she was here she was terrified, and it seemed to her
everything
was different. The moonlight stared and glittered; the shadows
were like
bars of iron. Her hand was taken. "Not
in the least," she said lightly. "Why should I be?" Her hand
was pulled gently, tugged. She held back. "No,
I'm not coming any farther," said Beryl. "Oh,
rot!" Harry Kember didn't believe her. "Come
along! We'll just go
as far as
that fuchsia bush. Come along!" The
fuchsia bush was tall. It fell over the fence in a shower.
There was
a little
pit of darkness beneath. "No,
really, I don't want to," said Beryl. For a
moment Harry Kember didn't answer. Then he came close to her,
turned
to her,
smiled and said quickly, "Don't be silly! Don't be silly!" His smile
was something she'd never seen before. Was he drunk? That
bright,
blind, terrifying smile froze her with horror. What was she
doing?
How had
she got here? the stern garden asked her as the gate pushed open,
and quick
as a cat Harry Kember came through and snatched her to him. "Cold
little devil! Cold little devil!" said the hateful voice. But Beryl
was strong. She slipped, ducked, wrenched free. "You
are vile, vile," said she. "Then
why in God's name did you come?" stammered Harry Kember. Nobody
answered him.
1.XIII. A cloud,
small, serene, floated across the moon. In that moment of
darkness
the sea sounded deep, troubled. Then the cloud sailed away, and
the sound
of the sea was a vague murmur, as though it waked out of a dark
dream.
All was still. And after
all the weather was ideal. They could not have had a more
perfect
day for a garden-party if they had ordered it. Windless, warm,
the
sky
without a cloud. Only the blue was veiled with a haze of light
gold,
as it is
sometimes in early summer. The gardener had been up since dawn,
mowing the
lawns and sweeping them, until the grass and the dark flat
rosettes
where the daisy plants had been seemed to shine. As for the
roses, you
could not help feeling they understood that roses are the only
flowers
that impress people at garden-parties; the only flowers that
everybody
is certain of knowing. Hundreds, yes, literally hundreds, had
come out
in a single night; the green bushes bowed down as though they had
been
visited by archangels. Breakfast
was not yet over before the men came to put up the marquee. "Where
do you want the marquee put, mother?" "My
dear child, it's no use asking me. I'm determined to leave
everything
to you
children this year. Forget I am your mother. Treat me as
an
honoured
guest." But Meg
could not possibly go and supervise the men. She had washed her
hair
before breakfast, and she sat drinking her coffee in a green turban,
with a
dark wet curl stamped on each cheek. Jose, the butterfly,
always
came down
in a silk petticoat and a kimono jacket. "You'll
have to go, Laura; you're the artistic one." Away Laura
flew, still holding her piece of bread-and-butter. It's so
delicious
to have an excuse for eating out of doors, and besides, she loved
having to
arrange things; she always felt she could do it so much better
than
anybody else. Four men
in their shirt-sleeves stood grouped together on the garden path.
They
carried staves covered with rolls of canvas, and they had big tool-
bags slung
on their backs. They looked impressive. Laura wished now
that
she had
not got the bread-and-butter, but there was nowhere to put it, and
she
couldn't possibly throw it away. She blushed and tried to look
severe
and even a
little bit short-sighted as she came up to them. "Good
morning," she said, copying her mother's voice. But that
sounded so
fearfully
affected that she was ashamed, and stammered like a little girl,
"Oh--er--have
you come--is it about the marquee?" "That's
right, miss," said the tallest of the men, a lanky, freckled
fellow,
and he shifted his tool-bag, knocked back his straw hat and smiled
down at
her. "That's about it." His smile
was so easy, so friendly that Laura recovered. What nice eyes
he
had,
small, but such a dark blue! And now she looked at the others,
they
were
smiling too. "Cheer up, we won't bite," their smile
seemed to say.
How very
nice workmen were! And what a beautiful morning! She
mustn't
mention
the morning; she must be business-like. The marquee. "Well,
what about the lily-lawn? Would that do?" And she
pointed to the lily-lawn with the hand that didn't hold the bread-
and-butter.
They turned, they stared in the direction. A little fat chap
thrust out
his under-lip, and the tall fellow frowned. "I
don't fancy it," said he. "Not conspicuous enough.
You see, with a
thing like
a marquee," and he turned to Laura in his easy way, "you
want to
put it
somewhere where it'll give you a bang slap in the eye, if you follow
me." Laura's
upbringing made her wonder for a moment whether it was quite
respectful
of a workman to talk to her of bangs slap in the eye. But she
did quite
follow him. "A
corner of the tennis-court," she suggested. "But the
band's going to be
in one
corner." "H'm,
going to have a band, are you?" said another of the workmen.
He was
pale.
He had a haggard look as his dark eyes scanned the tennis-court.
What was
he thinking? "Only
a very small band," said Laura gently. Perhaps he wouldn't
mind so
much if
the band was quite small. But the tall fellow interrupted. "Look
here, miss, that's the place. Against those trees. Over
there.
That'll do
fine." Against
the karakas. Then the karaka-trees would be hidden. And
they were
so lovely,
with their broad, gleaming leaves, and their clusters of yellow
fruit.
They were like trees you imagined growing on a desert island,
proud,
solitary, lifting their leaves and fruits to the sun in a kind of
silent
splendour. Must they be hidden by a marquee? They
must. Already the men had shouldered their staves and were
making for
the
place. Only the tall fellow was left. He bent down,
pinched a sprig
of
lavender, put his thumb and forefinger to his nose and snuffed up the
smell.
When Laura saw that gesture she forgot all about the karakas in her
wonder at
him caring for things like that--caring for the smell of
lavender.
How many men that she knew would have done such a thing? Oh,
how
extraordinarily nice workmen were, she thought. Why couldn't
she have
workmen
for her friends rather than the silly boys she danced with and who
came to
Sunday night supper? She would get on much better with men like
these. It's all
the fault, she decided, as the tall fellow drew something on the
back of an
envelope, something that was to be looped up or left to hang, of
these
absurd class distinctions. Well, for her part, she didn't feel
them.
Not a bit,
not an atom...And now there came the chock-chock of wooden
hammers.
Some one whistled, some one sang out, "Are you right there,
matey?"
"Matey!" The friendliness of it, the--the--Just to
prove how
happy she
was, just to show the tall fellow how at home she felt, and how
she
despised stupid conventions, Laura took a big bite of her bread-and-
butter as
she stared at the little drawing. She felt just like a work-
girl. "Laura,
Laura, where are you? Telephone, Laura!" a voice cried
from the
house. "Coming!"
Away she skimmed, over the lawn, up the path, up the steps,
across the
veranda, and into the porch. In the hall her father and Laurie
were
brushing their hats ready to go to the office. "I
say, Laura," said Laurie very fast, "you might just give a
squiz at my
coat
before this afternoon. See if it wants pressing." "I
will," said she. Suddenly she couldn't stop herself.
She ran at Laurie
and gave
him a small, quick squeeze. "Oh, I do love parties, don't
you?"
gasped
Laura. "Ra-ther,"
said Laurie's warm, boyish voice, and he squeezed his sister
too, and
gave her a gentle push. "Dash off to the telephone, old
girl." The
telephone. "Yes, yes; oh yes. Kitty? Good
morning, dear. Come to
lunch?
Do, dear. Delighted of course. It will only be a very
scratch
meal--just
the sandwich crusts and broken meringue-shells and what's left
over.
Yes, isn't it a perfect morning? Your white? Oh, I
certainly
should.
One moment--hold the line. Mother's calling." And
Laura sat
back.
"What, mother? Can't hear." Mrs.
Sheridan's voice floated down the stairs. "Tell her to
wear that
sweet hat
she had on last Sunday." "Mother
says you're to wear that sweet hat you had on last Sunday.
Good.
One
o'clock. Bye-bye." Laura put
back the receiver, flung her arms over her head, took a deep
breath,
stretched and let them fall. "Huh," she sighed, and
the moment
after the
sigh she sat up quickly. She was still, listening. All
the
doors in
the house seemed to be open. The house was alive with soft,
quick
steps and
running voices. The green baize door that led to the kitchen
regions
swung open and shut with a muffled thud. And now there came a
long,
chuckling absurd sound. It was the heavy piano being moved on
its
stiff
castors. But the air! If you stopped to notice, was the
air always
like
this? Little faint winds were playing chase, in at the tops of
the
windows,
out at the doors. And there were two tiny spots of sun, one on
the
inkpot, one on a silver photograph frame, playing too. Darling
little
spots.
Especially the one on the inkpot lid. It was quite warm.
A warm
little
silver star. She could have kissed it. The front
door bell pealed, and there sounded the rustle of Sadie's print
skirt on
the stairs. A man's voice murmured; Sadie answered, careless,
"I'm
sure I don't know. Wait. I'll ask Mrs Sheridan." "What
is it, Sadie?" Laura came into the hall. "It's
the florist, Miss Laura." It was,
indeed. There, just inside the door, stood a wide, shallow tray
full of
pots of pink lilies. No other kind. Nothing but
lilies--canna
lilies,
big pink flowers, wide open, radiant, almost frighteningly alive on
bright
crimson stems. "O-oh,
Sadie!" said Laura, and the sound was like a little moan.
She
crouched
down as if to warm herself at that blaze of lilies; she felt they
were in
her fingers, on her lips, growing in her breast. "It's
some mistake," she said faintly. "Nobody ever ordered
so many.
Sadie, go
and find mother." But at
that moment Mrs. Sheridan joined them. "It's
quite right," she said calmly. "Yes, I ordered them.
Aren't they
lovely?"
She pressed Laura's arm. "I was passing the shop
yesterday, and
I saw them
in the window. And I suddenly thought for once in my life I
shall have
enough canna lilies. The garden-party will be a good excuse." "But
I thought you said you didn't mean to interfere," said Laura.
Sadie
had gone.
The florist's man was still outside at his van. She put her arm
round her
mother's neck and gently, very gently, she bit her mother's ear. "My
darling child, you wouldn't like a logical mother, would you?
Don't do
that.
Here's the man." He carried
more lilies still, another whole tray. "Bank
them up, just inside the door, on both sides of the porch, please,"
said Mrs.
Sheridan. "Don't you agree, Laura?" "Oh,
I do, mother." In the
drawing-room Meg, Jose and good little Hans had at last succeeded in
moving the
piano. "Now,
if we put this chesterfield against the wall and move everything out
of the
room except the chairs, don't you think?" "Quite." "Hans,
move these tables into the smoking-room, and bring a sweeper to take
these
marks off the carpet and--one moment, Hans--" Jose loved giving
orders to
the servants, and they loved obeying her. She always made them
feel they
were taking part in some drama. "Tell mother and Miss
Laura to
come here
at once. "Very
good, Miss Jose." She turned
to Meg. "I want to hear what the piano sounds like, just
in
case I'm
asked to sing this afternoon. Let's try over 'This life is
Weary.'" Pom!
Ta-ta-ta Tee-ta! The piano burst out so passionately that
Jose's
face
changed. She clasped her hands. She looked mournfully and
enigmatically
at her mother and Laura as they came in. "This
Life is Wee-ary,
A
Tear--a Sigh.
A
Love that Chan-ges,
This Life is Wee-ary,
A
Tear--a Sigh.
A
Love that Chan-ges,
And
then ...Good-bye!" But at the
word "Good-bye," and although the piano sounded more
desperate
than ever,
her face broke into a brilliant, dreadfully unsympathetic smile. "Aren't
I in good voice, mummy?" she beamed. "This
Life is Wee-ary,
Hope
comes to Die.
A
Dream--a Wa-kening." But now
Sadie interrupted them. "What is it, Sadie?" "If
you please, m'm, cook says have you got the flags for the
sandwiches?" "The
flags for the sandwiches, Sadie?" echoed Mrs. Sheridan
dreamily. And
the
children knew by her face that she hadn't got them. "Let
me see." And
she said
to Sadie firmly, "Tell cook I'll let her have them in ten
minutes. Sadie
went. "Now,
Laura," said her mother quickly, "come with me into the
smoking-room.
I've got
the names somewhere on the back of an envelope. You'll have to
write them
out for me. Meg, go upstairs this minute and take that wet
thing off
your head. Jose, run and finish dressing this instant. Do
you
hear me,
children, or shall I have to tell your father when he comes home
to-night?
And--and, Jose, pacify cook if you do go into the kitchen, will
you?
I'm terrified of her this morning." The
envelope was found at last behind the dining-room clock, though how
it
had got
there Mrs. Sheridan could not imagine. "One
of you children must have stolen it out of my bag, because I remember
vividly--cream
cheese and lemon-curd. Have you done that?" "Yes." "Egg
and--" Mrs. Sheridan held the envelope away from her. "It
looks like
mice.
It can't be mice, can it?" "Olive,
pet," said Laura, looking over her shoulder. "Yes,
of course, olive. What a horrible combination it sounds.
Egg and
olive." They were
finished at last, and Laura took them off to the kitchen. She
found Jose
there pacifying the cook, who did not look at all terrifying. "I
have never seen such exquisite sandwiches," said Jose's
rapturous voice.
"How
many kinds did you say there were, cook? Fifteen?" "Fifteen,
Miss Jose." "Well,
cook, I congratulate you." Cook swept
up crusts with the long sandwich knife, and smiled broadly. "Godber's
has come," announced Sadie, issuing out of the pantry. She
had
seen the
man pass the window. That meant
the cream puffs had come. Godber's were famous for their cream
puffs.
Nobody ever thought of making them at home. "Bring
them in and put them on the table, my girl," ordered cook. Sadie
brought them in and went back to the door. Of course Laura and
Jose
were far
too grown-up to really care about such things. All the same,
they
couldn't
help agreeing that the puffs looked very attractive. Very.
Cook
began
arranging them, shaking off the extra icing sugar. "Don't
they carry one back to all one's parties?" said Laura. "I
suppose they do," said practical Jose, who never liked to be
carried
back.
"They look beautifully light and feathery, I must say." "Have
one each, my dears," said cook in her comfortable voice.
"Yer ma
won't
know." Oh,
impossible. Fancy cream puffs so soon after breakfast.
The very idea
made one
shudder. All the same, two minutes later Jose and Laura were
licking
their fingers with that absorbed inward look that only comes from
whipped
cream. "Let's
go into the garden, out by the back way," suggested Laura.
"I want
to see how
the men are getting on with the marquee. They're such awfully
nice men." But the
back door was blocked by cook, Sadie, Godber's man and Hans. Something
had happened. "Tuk-tuk-tuk,"
clucked cook like an agitated hen. Sadie had her hand
clapped to
her cheek as though she had toothache. Hans's face was screwed
up in the
effort to understand. Only Godber's man seemed to be enjoying
himself;
it was his story. "What's
the matter? What's happened?" "There's
been a horrible accident," said Cook. "A man killed." "A
man killed! Where? How? When?" But
Godber's man wasn't going to have his story snatched from under his
very nose. "Know
those little cottages just below here, miss?" Know them?
Of course,
she knew
them. "Well, there's a young chap living there, name of
Scott, a
carter.
His horse shied at a traction-engine, corner of Hawke Street this
morning,
and he was thrown out on the back of his head. Killed." "Dead!"
Laura stared at Godber's man. "Dead
when they picked him up," said Godber's man with relish.
"They were
taking the
body home as I come up here." And he said to the cook,
"He's
left a
wife and five little ones." "Jose,
come here." Laura caught hold of her sister's sleeve and
dragged
her
through the kitchen to the other side of the green baize door.
There
she paused
and leaned against it. "Jose!" she said, horrified,
"however
are we
going to stop everything?" "Stop
everything, Laura!" cried Jose in astonishment. "What
do you mean?" "Stop
the garden-party, of course." Why did Jose pretend? But Jose
was still more amazed. "Stop the garden-party? My
dear Laura,
don't be
so absurd. Of course we can't do anything of the kind.
Nobody
expects us
to. Don't be so extravagant." "But
we can't possibly have a garden-party with a man dead just outside
the
front
gate." That
really was extravagant, for the little cottages were in a lane to
themselves
at the very bottom of a steep rise that led up to the house. A
broad road
ran between. True, they were far too near. They were the
greatest
possible eyesore, and they had no right to be in that
neighbourhood
at all. They were little mean dwellings painted a chocolate
brown.
In the garden patches there was nothing but cabbage stalks, sick
hens and
tomato cans. The very smoke coming out of their chimneys was
poverty-stricken.
Little rags and shreds of smoke, so unlike the great
silvery
plumes that uncurled from the Sheridans' chimneys. Washerwomen
lived in
the lane and sweeps and a cobbler, and a man whose house-front was
studded
all over with minute bird-cages. Children swarmed. When
the
Sheridans
were little they were forbidden to set foot there because of the
revolting
language and of what they might catch. But since they were
grown
up, Laura
and Laurie on their prowls sometimes walked through. It was
disgusting
and sordid. They came out with a shudder. But still one
must
go
everywhere; one must see everything. So through they went. "And
just think of what the band would sound like to that poor woman,"
said
Laura. "Oh,
Laura!" Jose began to be seriously annoyed. "If
you're going to stop
a band
playing every time some one has an accident, you'll lead a very
strenuous
life. I'm every bit as sorry about it as you. I feel just
as
sympathetic."
Her eyes hardened. She looked at her sister just as she
used to
when they were little and fighting together. "You won't
bring a
drunken
workman back to life by being sentimental," she said softly. "Drunk!
Who said he was drunk?" Laura turned furiously on Jose.
She
said, just
as they had used to say on those occasions, "I'm going straight
up to tell
mother." "Do,
dear," cooed Jose. "Mother,
can I come into your room?" Laura turned the big glass
door-knob. "Of
course, child. Why, what's the matter? What's given you
such a
colour?"
And Mrs. Sheridan turned round from her dressing-table. She was
trying on
a new hat. "Mother,
a man's been killed," began Laura. "Not
in the garden?" interrupted her mother. "No,
no!" "Oh,
what a fright you gave me!" Mrs. Sheridan sighed with
relief, and
took off
the big hat and held it on her knees. "But
listen, mother," said Laura. Breathless, half-choking, she
told the
dreadful
story. "Of course, we can't have our party, can we?"
she pleaded.
"The
band and everybody arriving. They'd hear us, mother; they're
nearly
neighbours!" To Laura's
astonishment her mother behaved just like Jose; it was harder to
bear
because she seemed amused. She refused to take Laura seriously. "But,
my dear child, use your common sense. It's only by accident
we've
heard of
it. If some one had died there normally--and I can't understand
how they
keep alive in those poky little holes--we should still be having
our party,
shouldn't we?" Laura had
to say "yes" to that, but she felt it was all wrong.
She sat
down on
her mother's sofa and pinched the cushion frill. "Mother,
isn't it terribly heartless of us?" she asked. "Darling!"
Mrs. Sheridan got up and came over to her, carrying the hat.
Before
Laura could stop her she had popped it on. "My child!"
said her
mother,
"the hat is yours. It's made for you. It's much too
young for me.
I have
never seen you look such a picture. Look at yourself!"
And she
held up
her hand-mirror. "But,
mother," Laura began again. She couldn't look at herself;
she turned
aside. This time
Mrs. Sheridan lost patience just as Jose had done. "You
are being very absurd, Laura," she said coldly. "People
like that
don't
expect sacrifices from us. And it's not very sympathetic to
spoil
everybody's
enjoyment as you're doing now." "I
don't understand," said Laura, and she walked quickly out of the
room
into her
own bedroom. There, quite by chance, the first thing she saw
was
this
charming girl in the mirror, in her black hat trimmed with gold
daisies,
and a long black velvet ribbon. Never had she imagined she
could
look like
that. Is mother right? she thought. And now she hoped her
mother was
right. Am I being extravagant? Perhaps it was
extravagant.
Just for a
moment she had another glimpse of that poor woman and those
little
children, and the body being carried into the house. But it all
seemed
blurred, unreal, like a picture in the newspaper. I'll remember
it
again
after the party's over, she decided. And somehow that seemed
quite
the best
plan... Lunch was
over by half-past one. By half-past two they were all ready for
the fray.
The green-coated band had arrived and was established in a
corner of
the tennis-court. "My
dear!" trilled Kitty Maitland, "aren't they too like frogs
for words?
You ought
to have arranged them round the pond with the conductor in the
middle on
a leaf." Laurie
arrived and hailed them on his way to dress. At the sight of
him
Laura
remembered the accident again. She wanted to tell him. If
Laurie
agreed
with the others, then it was bound to be all right. And she
followed
him into the hall. "Laurie!" "Hallo!"
He was half-way upstairs, but when he turned round and saw Laura
he
suddenly puffed out his cheeks and goggled his eyes at her. "My
word,
Laura!
You do look stunning," said Laurie. "What an
absolutely topping
hat!" Laura said
faintly "Is it?" and smiled up at Laurie, and didn't tell
him
after all. Soon after
that people began coming in streams. The band struck up; the
hired
waiters ran from the house to the marquee. Wherever you looked
there
were
couples strolling, bending to the flowers, greeting, moving on over
the lawn.
They were like bright birds that had alighted in the Sheridans'
garden for
this one afternoon, on their way to--where? Ah, what happiness
it is to
be with people who all are happy, to press hands, press cheeks,
smile into
eyes. "Darling
Laura, how well you look!" "What
a becoming hat, child!" "Laura,
you look quite Spanish. I've never seen you look so striking." And Laura,
glowing, answered softly, "Have you had tea? Won't you
have an
ice?
The passion-fruit ices really are rather special." She ran
to her
father and
begged him. "Daddy darling, can't the band have something
to
drink?" And the
perfect afternoon slowly ripened, slowly faded, slowly its petals
closed. "Never
a more delightful garden-party ..." "The greatest
success ..."
"Quite
the most ..." Laura
helped her mother with the good-byes. They stood side by side
in the
porch till
it was all over. "All
over, all over, thank heaven," said Mrs. Sheridan. "Round
up the
others,
Laura. Let's go and have some fresh coffee. I'm
exhausted. Yes,
it's been
very successful. But oh, these parties, these parties!
Why will
you
children insist on giving parties!" And they all of them
sat down in
the
deserted marquee. "Have
a sandwich, daddy dear. I wrote the flag." "Thanks."
Mr. Sheridan took a bite and the sandwich was gone. He took
another.
"I suppose you didn't hear of a beastly accident that happened
to-day?"
he said. "My
dear," said Mrs. Sheridan, holding up her hand, "we did.
It nearly
ruined the
party. Laura insisted we should put it off." "Oh,
mother!" Laura didn't want to be teased about it. "It
was a horrible affair all the same," said Mr. Sheridan.
"The chap was
married
too. Lived just below in the lane, and leaves a wife and half a
dozen
kiddies, so they say." An awkward
little silence fell. Mrs. Sheridan fidgeted with her cup.
Really, it
was very tactless of father... Suddenly
she looked up. There on the table were all those sandwiches,
cakes,
puffs, all uneaten, all going to be wasted. She had one of her
brilliant
ideas. "I
know," she said. "Let's make up a basket. Let's
send that poor
creature
some of this perfectly good food. At any rate, it will be the
greatest
treat for the children. Don't you agree? And she's sure
to have
neighbours
calling in and so on. What a point to have it all ready
prepared.
Laura!" She jumped up. "Get me the big basket
out of the
stairs
cupboard." "But,
mother, do you really think it's a good idea?" said Laura. Again, how
curious, she seemed to be different from them all. To take
scraps
from their party. Would the poor woman really like that? "Of
course! What's the matter with you to-day? An hour or two
ago you
were
insisting on us being sympathetic, and now--"
Oh well!
Laura ran for the basket. It was filled, it was heaped by her
mother. "Take
it yourself, darling," said she. "Run down just as
you are. No,
wait, take
the arum lilies too. People of that class are so impressed by
arum
lilies." "The
stems will ruin her lace frock," said practical Jose. So they
would. Just in time. "Only the basket, then.
And, Laura!"--her
mother
followed her out of the marquee--"don't on any account--"
"What
mother?" No, better
not put such ideas into the child's head! "Nothing!
Run
along." It was
just growing dusky as Laura shut their garden gates. A big dog
ran
by like a
shadow. The road gleamed white, and down below in the hollow
the
little
cottages were in deep shade. How quiet it seemed after the
afternoon.
Here she was going down the hill to somewhere where a man lay
dead, and
she couldn't realize it. Why couldn't she? She stopped a
minute.
And it seemed to her that kisses, voices, tinkling spoons,
laughter,
the smell of crushed grass were somehow inside her. She had no
room for
anything else. How strange! She looked up at the pale
sky, and
all she
thought was, "Yes, it was the most successful party." Now the
broad road was crossed. The lane began, smoky and dark.
Women in
shawls and
men's tweed caps hurried by. Men hung over the palings; the
children
played in the doorways. A low hum came from the mean little
cottages.
In some of them there was a flicker of light, and a shadow,
crab-like,
moved across the window. Laura bent her head and hurried on.
She wished
now she had put on a coat. How her frock shone! And the
big
hat with
the velvet streamer--if only it was another hat! Were the
people
looking at
her? They must be. It was a mistake to have come; she
knew all
along it
was a mistake. Should she go back even now? No, too
late. This was the house. It must be. A dark knot
of people
stood
outside. Beside the gate an old, old woman with a crutch sat in
a
chair,
watching. She had her feet on a newspaper. The voices
stopped as
Laura drew
near. The group parted. It was as though she was
expected, as
though
they had known she was coming here. Laura was
terribly nervous. Tossing the velvet ribbon over her shoulder,
she said
to a woman standing by, "Is this Mrs. Scott's house?" and
the
woman,
smiling queerly, said, "It is, my lass." Oh, to be
away from this! She actually said, "Help me, God," as
she walked
up the
tiny path and knocked. To be away from those staring eyes, or
to be
covered up
in anything, one of those women's shawls even. I'll just leave
the basket
and go, she decided. I shan't even wait for it to be emptied. Then the
door opened. A little woman in black showed in the gloom. Laura
said, "Are you Mrs. Scott?" But to her horror the
woman answered,
"Walk
in please, miss," and she was shut in the passage. "No,"
said Laura, "I don't want to come in. I only want to leave
this
basket.
Mother sent--"
The little
woman in the gloomy passage seemed not to have heard her. "Step
this way,
please, miss," she said in an oily voice, and Laura followed
her. She found
herself in a wretched little low kitchen, lighted by a smoky
lamp.
There was a woman sitting before the fire. "Em,"
said the little creature who had let her in. "Em!
It's a young
lady."
She turned to Laura. She said meaningly, "I'm 'er sister,
miss.
You'll
excuse 'er, won't you?" "Oh,
but of course!" said Laura. "Please, please don't
disturb her. I--I
only want
to leave--"
But at
that moment the woman at the fire turned round. Her face,
puffed
up, red,
with swollen eyes and swollen lips, looked terrible. She seemed
as though
she couldn't understand why Laura was there. What did it mean?
Why was
this stranger standing in the kitchen with a basket? What was
it
all
about? And the poor face puckered up again. "All
right, my dear," said the other. "I'll thenk the
young lady." And again
she began, "You'll excuse her, miss, I'm sure," and her
face,
swollen
too, tried an oily smile. Laura only
wanted to get out, to get away. She was back in the passage.
The door
opened. She walked straight through into the bedroom, where the
dead man
was lying. "You'd
like a look at 'im, wouldn't you?" said Em's sister, and she
brushed
past Laura
over to the bed. "Don't be afraid, my lass,"--and now
her voice
sounded
fond and sly, and fondly she drew down the sheet--"'e looks a
picture.
There's nothing to show. Come along, my dear." Laura
came. There lay
a young man, fast asleep--sleeping so soundly, so deeply, that he
was far,
far away from them both. Oh, so remote, so peaceful. He
was
dreaming.
Never wake him up again. His head was sunk in the pillow, his
eyes were
closed; they were blind under the closed eyelids. He was given
up to his
dream. What did garden-parties and baskets and lace frocks
matter to
him? He was far from all those things. He was wonderful,
beautiful.
While they were laughing and while the band was playing, this
marvel had
come to the lane. Happy...happy...All is well, said that
sleeping
face. This is just as it should be. I am content. But all
the same you had to cry, and she couldn't go out of the room
without
saying something to him. Laura gave a loud childish sob. "Forgive
my hat," she said. And this
time she didn't wait for Em's sister. She found her way out of
the door,
down the path, past all those dark people. At the corner of the
lane she
met Laurie. He stepped
out of the shadow. "Is that you, Laura?" "Yes." "Mother
was getting anxious. Was it all right?" "Yes,
quite. Oh, Laurie!" She took his arm, she pressed up
against him. "I
say, you're not crying, are you?" asked her brother. Laura
shook her head. She was. Laurie put
his arm round her shoulder. "Don't cry," he said in
his warm,
loving
voice. "Was it awful?" "No,"
sobbed Laura. "It was simply marvellous. But
Laurie--" She
stopped,
she looked at her brother. "Isn't life," she
stammered, "isn't
life--"
But what life was she couldn't explain. No matter. He
quite
understood. "Isn't
it, darling?" said Laurie. 3.
THE DAUGHTERS OF THE LATE COLONEL.
3.I. The week
after was one of the busiest weeks of their lives. Even when
they
went to
bed it was only their bodies that lay down and rested; their minds
went on,
thinking things out, talking things over, wondering, deciding,
trying to
remember where... Constantia
lay like a statue, her hands by her sides, her feet just
overlapping
each other, the sheet up to her chin. She stared at the
ceiling. "Do
you think father would mind if we gave his top-hat to the porter?" "The
porter?" snapped Josephine. "Why ever the porter?
What a very
extraordinary
idea!" "Because,"
said Constantia slowly, "he must often have to go to funerals.
And I
noticed at--at the cemetery that he only had a bowler."
She paused.
"I
thought then how very much he'd appreciate a top-hat. We ought
to give
him a
present, too. He was always very nice to father." "But,"
cried Josephine, flouncing on her pillow and staring across the dark
at
Constantia, "father's head!" And suddenly, for one
awful moment, she
nearly
giggled. Not, of course, that she felt in the least like
giggling.
It must
have been habit. Years ago, when they had stayed awake at night
talking,
their beds had simply heaved. And now the porter's head,
disappearing,
popped out, like a candle, under father's hat...The giggle
mounted,
mounted; she clenched her hands; she fought it down; she frowned
fiercely
at the dark and said "Remember" terribly sternly. "We
can decide to-morrow," she said. Constantia
had noticed nothing; she sighed. "Do
you think we ought to have our dressing-gowns dyed as well?" "Black?"
almost shrieked Josephine. "Well,
what else?" said Constantia. "I was thinking--it
doesn't seem quite
sincere,
in a way, to wear black out of doors and when we're fully dressed,
and then
when we're at home--"
"But
nobody sees us," said Josephine. She gave the bedclothes
such a
twitch
that both her feet became uncovered, and she had to creep up the
pillows to
get them well under again. "Kate
does," said Constantia. "And the postman very well
might." Josephine
thought of her dark-red slippers, which matched her dressing-
gown, and
of Constantia's favourite indefinite green ones which went with
hers.
Black! Two black dressing-gowns and two pairs of black woolly
slippers,
creeping off to the bathroom like black cats. "I
don't think it's absolutely necessary," said she. Silence.
Then Constantia said, "We shall have to post the papers with the
notice in
them to-morrow to catch the Ceylon mail...How many letters have
we had up
till now?" "Twenty-three." Josephine
had replied to them all, and twenty-three times when she came to
"We
miss our dear father so much" she had broken down and had to use
her
handkerchief,
and on some of them even to soak up a very light-blue tear
with an
edge of blotting-paper. Strange! She couldn't have put it
on--but
twenty-three
times. Even now, though, when she said over to herself sadly
"We
miss our dear father so much," she could have cried if she'd
wanted to. "Have
you got enough stamps?" came from Constantia. "Oh,
how can I tell?" said Josephine crossly. "What's the
good of asking
me that
now?" "I
was just wondering," said Constantia mildly. Silence
again. There came a little rustle, a scurry, a hop. "A
mouse," said Constantia. "It
can't be a mouse because there aren't any crumbs," said
Josephine. "But
it doesn't know there aren't," said Constantia. A spasm of
pity squeezed her heart. Poor little thing! She wished
she'd
left a
tiny piece of biscuit on the dressing-table. It was awful to
think
of it not
finding anything. What would it do? "I
can't think how they manage to live at all," she said slowly. "Who?"
demanded Josephine. And
Constantia said more loudly than she meant to, "Mice." Josephine
was furious. "Oh, what nonsense, Con!" she said.
"What have
mice got
to do with it? You're asleep." "I
don't think I am," said Constantia. She shut her eyes to
make sure.
She was. Josephine
arched her spine, pulled up her knees, folded her arms so that
her fists
came under her ears, and pressed her cheek hard against the
pillow.
3.II. Another
thing which complicated matters was they had Nurse Andrews staying
on with
them that week. It was their own fault; they had asked her.
It
was
Josephine's idea. On the morning--well, on the last morning,
when the
doctor had
gone, Josephine had said to Constantia, "Don't you think it
would be
rather nice if we asked Nurse Andrews to stay on for a week as our
guest?" "Very
nice," said Constantia. "I
thought," went on Josephine quickly, "I should just say
this afternoon,
after I've
paid her, 'My sister and I would be very pleased, after all
you've
done for us, Nurse Andrews, if you would stay on for a week as our
guest.'
I'd have to put that in about being our guest in case--"
"Oh,
but she could hardly expect to be paid!" cried Constantia. "One
never knows," said Josephine sagely. Nurse
Andrews had, of course, jumped at the idea. But it was a
bother. It
meant they
had to have regular sit-down meals at the proper times, whereas
if they'd
been alone they could just have asked Kate if she wouldn't have
minded
bringing them a tray wherever they were. And meal-times now
that
the strain
was over were rather a trial. Nurse
Andrews was simply fearful about butter. Really they couldn't
help
feeling
that about butter, at least, she took advantage of their kindness.
And she
had that maddening habit of asking for just an inch more of bread
to finish
what she had on her plate, and then, at the last mouthful,
absent-mindedly--of
course it wasn't absent-mindedly--taking another
helping.
Josephine got very red when this happened, and she fastened her
small,
bead-like eyes on the tablecloth as if she saw a minute strange
insect
creeping through the web of it. But Constantia's long, pale
face
lengthened
and set, and she gazed away--away--far over the desert, to where
that line
of camels unwound like a thread of wool... "When
I was with Lady Tukes," said Nurse Andrews, "she had such a
dainty
little
contrayvance for the buttah. It was a silvah Cupid balanced on
the--on
the bordah of a glass dish, holding a tayny fork. And when you
wanted
some buttah you simply pressed his foot and he bent down and speared
you a
piece. It was quite a gayme." Josephine
could hardly bear that. But "I think those things are very
extravagant"
was all she said. "But
whey?" asked Nurse Andrews, beaming through her eyeglasses.
"No one,
surely,
would take more buttah than one wanted--would one?" "Ring,
Con," cried Josephine. She couldn't trust herself to
reply. And proud
young Kate, the enchanted princess, came in to see what the old
tabbies
wanted now. She snatched away their plates of mock something or
other and
slapped down a white, terrified blancmange. "Jam,
please, Kate," said Josephine kindly. Kate knelt
and burst open the sideboard, lifted the lid of the jam-pot, saw
it was
empty, put it on the table, and stalked off. "I'm
afraid," said Nurse Andrews a moment later, "there isn't
any." "Oh,
what a bother!" said Josephine. She bit her lip.
"What had we better
do?" Constantia
looked dubious. "We can't disturb Kate again," she
said softly. Nurse
Andrews waited, smiling at them both. Her eyes wandered, spying
at
everything
behind her eyeglasses. Constantia in despair went back to her
camels.
Josephine frowned heavily--concentrated. If it hadn't been for
this
idiotic woman she and Con would, of course, have eaten their
blancmange
without. Suddenly the idea came. "I
know," she said. "Marmalade. There's some
marmalade in the sideboard.
Get it,
Con." "I
hope," laughed Nurse Andrews--and her laugh was like a spoon
tinkling
against a
medicine-glass--"I hope it's not very bittah marmalayde."
3.III. But, after
all, it was not long now, and then she'd be gone for good. And
there was
no getting over the fact that she had been very kind to father.
She had
nursed him day and night at the end. Indeed, both Constantia
and
Josephine
felt privately she had rather overdone the not leaving him at the
very
last. For when they had gone in to say good-bye Nurse Andrews
had sat
beside his
bed the whole time, holding his wrist and pretending to look at
her
watch. It couldn't have been necessary. It was so
tactless, too.
Supposing
father had wanted to say something--something private to them.
Not that
he had. Oh, far from it! He lay there, purple, a dark,
angry
purple in
the face, and never even looked at them when they came in.
Then,
as they
were standing there, wondering what to do, he had suddenly opened
one eye.
Oh, what a difference it would have made, what a difference to
their
memory of him, how much easier to tell people about it, if he had
only
opened both! But no--one eye only. It glared at them a
moment and
then...went
out.
3.IV. It had
made it very awkward for them when Mr. Farolles, of St. John's,
called the
same afternoon. "The
end was quite peaceful, I trust?" were the first words he said
as he
glided
towards them through the dark drawing-room. "Quite,"
said Josephine faintly. They both hung their heads. Both
of them
felt
certain that eye wasn't at all a peaceful eye. "Won't
you sit down?" said Josephine. "Thank
you, Miss Pinner," said Mr. Farolles gratefully. He folded
his
coat-tails
and began to lower himself into father's arm-chair, but just as
he touched
it he almost sprang up and slid into the next chair instead. He
coughed. Josephine clasped her hands; Constantia looked vague. "I
want you to feel, Miss Pinner," said Mr. Farolles, "and
you, Miss
Constantia,
that I'm trying to be helpful. I want to be helpful to you
both, if
you will let me. These are the times," said Mr Farolles,
very
simply and
earnestly, "when God means us to be helpful to one another." "Thank
you very much, Mr. Farolles," said Josephine and Constantia. "Not
at all," said Mr. Farolles gently. He drew his kid gloves
through his
fingers
and leaned forward. "And if either of you would like a
little
Communion,
either or both of you, here and now, you have only to tell me.
A little
Communion is often very help--a great comfort," he added
tenderly. But the
idea of a little Communion terrified them. What! In the
drawing-
room by
themselves--with no--no altar or anything! The piano would be
much
too high,
thought Constantia, and Mr. Farolles could not possibly lean over
it with
the chalice. And Kate would be sure to come bursting in and
interrupt
them, thought Josephine. And supposing the bell rang in the
middle?
It might be somebody important--about their mourning. Would
they
get up
reverently and go out, or would they have to wait...in torture? "Perhaps
you will send round a note by your good Kate if you would care for
it later,"
said Mr. Farolles. "Oh
yes, thank you very much!" they both said. Mr.
Farolles got up and took his black straw hat from the round table. "And
about the funeral," he said softly. "I may arrange
that--as your dear
father's
old friend and yours, Miss Pinner--and Miss Constantia?" Josephine
and Constantia got up too. "I
should like it to be quite simple," said Josephine firmly, "and
not too
expensive.
At the same time, I should like--"
"A
good one that will last," thought dreamy Constantia, as if
Josephine
were
buying a nightgown. But, of course, Josephine didn't say that.
"One
suitable
to our father's position." She was very nervous. "I'll
run round to our good friend Mr. Knight," said Mr. Farolles
soothingly.
"I will ask him to come and see you. I am sure you will
find
him very
helpful indeed."
3.V. Well, at
any rate, all that part of it was over, though neither of them
could
possibly believe that father was never coming back. Josephine
had
had a
moment of absolute terror at the cemetery, while the coffin was
lowered,
to think that she and Constantia had done this thing without
asking his
permission. What would father say when he found out? For
he
was bound
to find out sooner or later. He always did. "Buried.
You two
girls had
me buried!" She heard his stick thumping. Oh, what
would they
say?
What possible excuse could they make? It sounded such an
appallingly
heartless
thing to do. Such a wicked advantage to take of a person
because
he
happened to be helpless at the moment. The other people seemed
to treat
it all as
a matter of course. They were strangers; they couldn't be
expected
to understand that father was the very last person for such a
thing to
happen to. No, the entire blame for it all would fall on her
and
Constantia.
And the expense, she thought, stepping into the tight-buttoned
cab.
When she had to show him the bills. What would he say then? She heard
him absolutely roaring. "And do you expect me to pay for
this
gimcrack
excursion of yours?" "Oh,"
groaned poor Josephine aloud, "we shouldn't have done it, Con!" And
Constantia, pale as a lemon in all that blackness, said in a
frightened
whisper,
"Done what, Jug?" "Let
them bu-bury father like that," said Josephine, breaking down
and
crying
into her new, queer-smelling mourning handkerchief. "But
what else could we have done?" asked Constantia wonderingly.
"We
couldn't
have kept him, Jug--we couldn't have kept him unburied. At any
rate, not
in a flat that size." Josephine
blew her nose; the cab was dreadfully stuffy. "I
don't know," she said forlornly. "It is all so
dreadful. I feel we
ought to
have tried to, just for a time at least. To make perfectly
sure.
One
thing's certain"--and her tears sprang out again--"father
will never
forgive us
for this--never!"
3.VI. Father
would never forgive them. That was what they felt more than
ever
when, two
mornings later, they went into his room to go through his things.
They had
discussed it quite calmly. It was even down on Josephine's list
of things
to be done. "Go through father's things and settle about
them."
But that
was a very different matter from saying after breakfast: "Well,
are you ready, Con?" "Yes,
Jug--when you are." "Then
I think we'd better get it over." It was
dark in the hall. It had been a rule for years never to disturb
father in
the morning, whatever happened. And now they were going to open
the door
without knocking even...Constantia's eyes were enormous at the
idea;
Josephine felt weak in the knees. "You--you
go first," she gasped, pushing Constantia. But
Constantia said, as she always had said on those occasions, "No,
Jug,
that's not
fair. You're the eldest." Josephine
was just going to say--what at other times she wouldn't have
owned to
for the world--what she kept for her very last weapon, "But
you're
the
tallest," when they noticed that the kitchen door was open, and
there
stood
Kate... "Very
stiff," said Josephine, grasping the doorhandle and doing her
best to
turn it.
As if anything ever deceived Kate! It
couldn't be helped. That girl was...Then the door was shut
behind them,
but--but
they weren't in father's room at all. They might have suddenly
walked
through the wall by mistake into a different flat altogether.
Was
the door
just behind them? They were too frightened to look.
Josephine
knew that
if it was it was holding itself tight shut; Constantia felt that,
like the
doors in dreams, it hadn't any handle at all. It was the
coldness
which made
it so awful. Or the whiteness--which? Everything was
covered.
The blinds
were down, a cloth hung over the mirror, a sheet hid the bed; a
huge fan
of white paper filled the fireplace. Constantia timidly put out
her hand;
she almost expected a snowflake to fall. Josephine felt a queer
tingling
in her nose, as if her nose was freezing. Then a cab
klop-klopped
over the
cobbles below, and the quiet seemed to shake into little pieces. "I
had better pull up a blind," said Josephine bravely. "Yes,
it might be a good idea," whispered Constantia. They only
gave the blind a touch, but it flew up and the cord flew after,
rolling
round the blind-stick, and the little tassel tapped as if trying to
get free.
That was too much for Constantia. "Don't
you think--don't you think we might put it off for another day?"
she
whispered. "Why?"
snapped Josephine, feeling, as usual, much better now that she knew
for
certain that Constantia was terrified. "It's got to be
done. But I do
wish you
wouldn't whisper, Con." "I
didn't know I was whispering," whispered Constantia. "And
why do you keep staring at the bed?" said Josephine, raising her
voice
almost
defiantly. "There's nothing on the bed." "Oh,
Jug, don't say so!" said poor Connie. "At any rate,
not so loudly." Josephine
felt herself that she had gone too far. She took a wide swerve
over to
the chest of drawers, put out her hand, but quickly drew it back
again. "Connie!"
she gasped, and she wheeled round and leaned with her back
against
the chest of drawers. "Oh,
Jug--what?" Josephine
could only glare. She had the most extraordinary feeling that
she had
just escaped something simply awful. But how could she explain
to
Constantia
that father was in the chest of drawers? He was in the top
drawer
with his handkerchiefs and neckties, or in the next with his shirts
and
pyjamas, or in the lowest of all with his suits. He was
watching
there,
hidden away--just behind the door-handle--ready to spring. She pulled
a funny old-fashioned face at Constantia, just as she used to in
the old
days when she was going to cry. "I
can't open," she nearly wailed. "No,
don't, Jug," whispered Constantia earnestly. "It's
much better not
to.
Don't let's open anything. At any rate, not for a long time." "But--but
it seems so weak," said Josephine, breaking down. "But
why not be weak for once, Jug?" argued Constantia, whispering
quite
fiercely.
"If it is weak." And her pale stare flew from the
locked
writing-table--so
safe--to the huge glittering wardrobe, and she began to
breathe in
a queer, panting away. "Why shouldn't we be weak for once
in
our lives,
Jug? It's quite excusable. Let's be weak--be weak, Jug.
It's
much nicer
to be weak than to be strong." And then
she did one of those amazingly bold things that she'd done about
twice
before in their lives: she marched over to the wardrobe, turned
the
key, and
took it out of the lock. Took it out of the lock and held it up
to
Josephine, showing Josephine by her extraordinary smile that she knew
what she'd
done--she'd risked deliberately father being in there among his
overcoats. If the
huge wardrobe had lurched forward, had crashed down on Constantia,
Josephine
wouldn't have been surprised. On the contrary, she would have
thought it
the only suitable thing to happen. But nothing happened.
Only
the room
seemed quieter than ever, and the bigger flakes of cold air fell
on
Josephine's shoulders and knees. She began to shiver. "Come,
Jug," said Constantia, still with that awful callous smile, and
Josephine
followed just as she had that last time, when Constantia had
pushed
Benny into the round pond.
3.VII. But the
strain told on them when they were back in the dining-room.
They
sat down,
very shaky, and looked at each other. "I
don't feel I can settle to anything," said Josephine, "until
I've had
something.
Do you think we could ask Kate for two cups of hot water?" "I
really don't see why we shouldn't," said Constantia carefully.
She was
quite
normal again. "I won't ring. I'll go to the kitchen
door and ask
her." "Yes,
do," said Josephine, sinking down into a chair. "Tell
her, just two
cups, Con,
nothing else--on a tray." "She
needn't even put the jug on, need she?" said Constantia, as
though
Kate might
very well complain if the jug had been there. "Oh
no, certainly not! The jug's not at all necessary. She
can pour it
direct out
of the kettle," cried Josephine, feeling that would be a labour-
saving
indeed. Their cold
lips quivered at the greenish brims. Josephine curved her small
red hands
round the cup; Constantia sat up and blew on the wavy steam,
making it
flutter from one side to the other. "Speaking
of Benny," said Josephine. And though
Benny hadn't been mentioned Constantia immediately looked as
though he
had. "He'll
expect us to send him something of father's, of course. But
it's so
difficult
to know what to send to Ceylon." "You
mean things get unstuck so on the voyage," murmured Constantia. "No,
lost," said Josephine sharply. "You know there's no
post. Only
runners." Both
paused to watch a black man in white linen drawers running through
the
pale
fields for dear life, with a large brown-paper parcel in his hands.
Josephine's
black man was tiny; he scurried along glistening like an ant.
But there
was something blind and tireless about Constantia's tall, thin
fellow,
which made him, she decided, a very unpleasant person indeed...On
the
veranda, dressed all in white and wearing a cork helmet, stood Benny.
His right
hand shook up and down, as father's did when he was impatient.
And behind
him, not in the least interested, sat Hilda, the unknown sister-
in-law.
She swung in a cane rocker and flicked over the leaves of the
"Tatler." "I
think his watch would be the most suitable present," said
Josephine. Constantia
looked up; she seemed surprised. "Oh,
would you trust a gold watch to a native?" "But
of course, I'd disguise it," said Josephine. "No one
would know it
was a
watch." She liked the idea of having to make a parcel such
a curious
shape that
no one could possibly guess what it was. She even thought for a
moment of
hiding the watch in a narrow cardboard corset-box that she'd kept
by her for
a long time, waiting for it to come in for something. It was
such
beautiful, firm cardboard. But, no, it wouldn't be appropriate
for
this
occasion. It had lettering on it: "Medium Women's
28. Extra Firm
Busks."
It would be almost too much of a surprise for Benny to open that
and find
father's watch inside. "And
of course it isn't as though it would be going--ticking, I mean,"
said
Constantia,
who was still thinking of the native love of jewellery. "At
least,"
she added, "it would be very strange if after all that time it
was."
3.VIII. Josephine
made no reply. She had flown off on one of her tangents.
She
had
suddenly thought of Cyril. Wasn't it more usual for the only
grandson
to have
the watch? And then dear Cyril was so appreciative, and a gold
watch
meant so much to a young man. Benny, in all probability, had
quite
got out of
the habit of watches; men so seldom wore waistcoats in those hot
climates.
Whereas Cyril in London wore them from year's end to year's end.
And it
would be so nice for her and Constantia, when he came to tea, to
know it
was there. "I see you've got on grandfather's watch,
Cyril." It
would be
somehow so satisfactory. Dear boy!
What a blow his sweet, sympathetic little note had been! Of
course
they quite understood; but it was most unfortunate. "It
would have been such a point, having him," said Josephine. "And
he would have enjoyed it so," said Constantia, not thinking what
she
was
saying. However,
as soon as he got back he was coming to tea with his aunties.
Cyril to
tea was one of their rare treats. "Now,
Cyril, you mustn't be frightened of our cakes. Your Auntie Con
and I
bought
them at Buszard's this morning. We know what a man's appetite
is.
So don't
be ashamed of making a good tea." Josephine
cut recklessly into the rich dark cake that stood for her winter
gloves or
the soling and heeling of Constantia's only respectable shoes.
But Cyril
was most unmanlike in appetite. "I
say, Aunt Josephine, I simply can't. I've only just had lunch,
you
know." "Oh,
Cyril, that can't be true! It's after four," cried
Josephine.
Constantia
sat with her knife poised over the chocolate-roll. "It
is, all the same," said Cyril. "I had to meet a man
at Victoria, and
he kept me
hanging about till...there was only time to get lunch and to
come on
here. And he gave me--phew"--Cyril put his hand to his
forehead--
"a
terrific blow-out," he said. It was
disappointing--to-day of all days. But still he couldn't be
expected
to know. "But
you'll have a meringue, won't you, Cyril?" said Aunt Josephine.
"These
meringues were bought specially for you. Your dear father was
so
fond of
them. We were sure you are, too." "I
am, Aunt Josephine," cried Cyril ardently. "Do you
mind if I take half
to begin
with?" "Not
at all, dear boy; but we mustn't let you off with that." "Is
your dear father still so fond of meringues?" asked Auntie Con
gently.
She winced
faintly as she broke through the shell of hers. "Well,
I don't quite know, Auntie Con," said Cyril breezily. At that
they both looked up. "Don't
know?" almost snapped Josephine. "Don't know a thing
like that
about your
own father, Cyril?" "Surely,"
said Auntie Con softly. Cyril
tried to laugh it off. "Oh, well," he said, "it's
such a long time
since--"
He faltered. He stopped. Their faces were too much for
him. "Even
so," said Josephine. And Auntie
Con looked. Cyril put
down his teacup. "Wait a bit," he cried. "Wait
a bit, Aunt
Josephine.
What am I thinking of?" He looked
up. They were beginning to brighten. Cyril slapped his
knee. "Of
course," he said, "it was meringues. How could I have
forgotten? Yes,
Aunt
Josephine, you're perfectly right. Father's most frightfully
keen on
meringues." They
didn't only beam. Aunt Josephine went scarlet with pleasure;
Auntie
Con gave a
deep, deep sigh. "And
now, Cyril, you must come and see father," said Josephine.
"He knows
you were
coming to-day." "Right,"
said Cyril, very firmly and heartily. He got up from his chair;
suddenly
he glanced at the clock. "I
say, Auntie Con, isn't your clock a bit slow? I've got to meet
a man
at--at
Paddington just after five. I'm afraid I shan't be able to stay
very long
with grandfather." "Oh,
he won't expect you to stay very long!" said Aunt Josephine. Constantia
was still gazing at the clock. She couldn't make up her mind if
it was
fast or slow. It was one or the other, she felt almost certain
of
that.
At any rate, it had been. Cyril
still lingered. "Aren't you coming along, Auntie Con?" "Of
course," said Josephine, "we shall all go. Come on,
Con."
3.IX. They
knocked at the door, and Cyril followed his aunts into grandfather's
hot,
sweetish room. "Come
on," said Grandfather Pinner. "Don't hang about.
What is it?
What've
you been up to?" He was
sitting in front of a roaring fire, clasping his stick. He had
a
thick rug
over his knees. On his lap there lay a beautiful pale yellow
silk
handkerchief. "It's
Cyril, father," said Josephine shyly. And she took Cyril's
hand and
led him
forward. "Good
afternoon, grandfather," said Cyril, trying to take his hand out
of
Aunt
Josephine's. Grandfather Pinner shot his eyes at Cyril in the
way he
was famous
for. Where was Auntie Con? She stood on the other side of
Aunt
Josephine;
her long arms hung down in front of her; her hands were clasped.
She never
took her eyes off grandfather. "Well,"
said Grandfather Pinner, beginning to thump, "what have you got
to
tell me?" What had
he, what had he got to tell him? Cyril felt himself smiling
like
a perfect
imbecile. The room was stifling, too. But Aunt
Josephine came to his rescue. She cried brightly, "Cyril
says his
father is
still very fond of meringues, father dear." "Eh?"
said Grandfather Pinner, curving his hand like a purple meringue-
shell over
one ear. Josephine
repeated, "Cyril says his father is still very fond of
meringues." "Can't
hear," said old Colonel Pinner. And he waved Josephine
away with
his stick,
then pointed with his stick to Cyril. "Tell me what she's
trying to
say," he said. (My God!)
"Must I?" said Cyril, blushing and staring at Aunt
Josephine. "Do,
dear," she smiled. "It will please him so much." "Come
on, out with it!" cried Colonel Pinner testily, beginning to
thump
again. And Cyril
leaned forward and yelled, "Father's still very fond of
meringues." At that
Grandfather Pinner jumped as though he had been shot. "Don't
shout!" he cried. "What's the matter with the boy?
Meringues!
What about
'em?" "Oh,
Aunt Josephine, must we go on?" groaned Cyril desperately. "It's
quite all right, dear boy," said Aunt Josephine, as though he
and she
were at
the dentist's together. "He'll understand in a minute."
And she
whispered
to Cyril, "He's getting a bit deaf, you know." Then
she leaned
forward
and really bawled at Grandfather Pinner, "Cyril only wanted to
tell
you,
father dear, that his father is still very fond of meringues." Colonel
Pinner heard that time, heard and brooded, looking Cyril up and
down. "What
an esstrordinary thing!" said old Grandfather Pinner.
"What an
esstrordinary
thing to come all this way here to tell me!" And Cyril
felt it was.
"Yes,
I shall send Cyril the watch," said Josephine. "That
would be very nice," said Constantia. "I seem to
remember last time
he came
there was some little trouble about the time."
3.X. They were
interrupted by Kate bursting through the door in her usual
fashion,
as though she had discovered some secret panel in the wall. "Fried
or boiled?" asked the bold voice. Fried or
boiled? Josephine and Constantia were quite bewildered for the
moment.
They could hardly take it in. "Fried
or boiled what, Kate?" asked Josephine, trying to begin to
concentrate. Kate gave
a loud sniff. "Fish." "Well,
why didn't you say so immediately?" Josephine reproached
her
gently.
"How could you expect us to understand, Kate? There are a
great
many
things in this world you know, which are fried or boiled."
And after
such a
display of courage she said quite brightly to Constantia, "Which
do
you
prefer, Con?" "I
think it might be nice to have it fried," said Constantia.
"On the
other
hand, of course, boiled fish is very nice. I think I prefer
both
equally
well...Unless you...In that case--"
"I
shall fry it," said Kate, and she bounced back, leaving their
door open
and
slamming the door of her kitchen. Josephine
gazed at Constantia; she raised her pale eyebrows until they
rippled
away into her pale hair. She got up. She said in a very
lofty,
imposing
way, "Do you mind following me into the drawing-room,
Constantia?
I've got
something of great importance to discuss with you." For it was
always to the drawing-room they retired when they wanted to talk
over Kate. Josephine
closed the door meaningly. "Sit down, Constantia,"
she said,
still very
grand. She might have been receiving Constantia for the first
time.
And Con looked round vaguely for a chair, as though she felt indeed
quite a
stranger. "Now
the question is," said Josephine, bending forward, "whether
we shall
keep her
or not." "That
is the question," agreed Constantia. "And
this time," said Josephine firmly, "we must come to a
definite
decision." Constantia
looked for a moment as though she might begin going over all the
other
times, but she pulled herself together and said, "Yes, Jug." "You
see, Con," explained Josephine, "everything is so changed
now."
Constantia
looked up quickly. "I mean," went on Josephine,
"we're not
dependent
on Kate as we were." And she blushed faintly.
"There's not
father to
cook for." "That
is perfectly true," agreed Constantia. "Father
certainly doesn't
want any
cooking now, whatever else--"
Josephine
broke in sharply, "You're not sleepy, are you, Con?" "Sleepy,
Jug?" Constantia was wide-eyed. "Well,
concentrate more," said Josephine sharply, and she returned to
the
subject.
"What it comes to is, if we did"--and this she barely
breathed,
glancing
at the door--"give Kate notice"--she raised her voice
again--"we
could
manage our own food." "Why
not?" cried Constantia. She couldn't help smiling.
The idea was so
exciting.
She clasped her hands. "What should we live on, Jug?" "Oh,
eggs in various forms!" said Jug, lofty again. "And,
besides, there
are all
the cooked foods." "But
I've always heard," said Constantia, "they are considered
so very
expensive." "Not
if one buys them in moderation," said Josephine. But she
tore herself
away from
this fascinating bypath and dragged Constantia after her. "What
we've got to decide now, however, is whether we really do trust Kate
or not." Constantia
leaned back. Her flat little laugh flew from her lips. "Isn't
it curious, Jug," said she, "that just on this one subject
I've
never been
able to quite make up my mind?"
3.XI. She never
had. The whole difficulty was to prove anything. How did
one
prove
things, how could one? Suppose Kate had stood in front of her
and
deliberately
made a face. Mightn't she very well have been in pain?
Wasn't it
impossible, at any rate, to ask Kate if she was making a face at
her?
If Kate answered "No"--and, of course, she would say
"No"--what a
position!
How undignified! Then again Constantia suspected, she was
almost
certain that Kate went to her chest of drawers when she and
Josephine
were out, not to take things but to spy. Many times she had
come
back to
find her amethyst cross in the most unlikely places, under her lace
ties or on
top of her evening Bertha. More than once she had laid a trap
for Kate.
She had arranged things in a special order and then called
Josephine
to witness. "You
see, Jug?" "Quite,
Con." "Now
we shall be able to tell." But, oh
dear, when she did go to look, she was as far off from a proof as
ever!
If anything was displaced, it might so very well have happened as
she closed
the drawer; a jolt might have done it so easily. "You
come, Jug, and decide. I really can't. It's too
difficult." But after
a pause and a long glare Josephine would sigh, "Now you've put
the doubt
into my mind, Con, I'm sure I can't tell myself." "Well,
we can't postpone it again," said Josephine. "If we
postpone it
this
time--"
3.XII. But at
that moment in the street below a barrel-organ struck up.
Josephine
and
Constantia sprang to their feet together. "Run,
Con," said Josephine. "Run quickly. There's
sixpence on the--"
Then they
remembered. It didn't matter. They would never have to
stop the
organ-grinder
again. Never again would she and Constantia be told to make
that
monkey take his noise somewhere else. Never would sound that
loud,
strange
bellow when father thought they were not hurrying enough. The
organ-grinder
might play there all day and the stick would not thump. "It
never will thump again,
It
never will thump again, played the
barrel-organ. What was
Constantia thinking? She had such a strange smile; she looked
different.
She couldn't be going to cry. "Jug,
Jug," said Constantia softly, pressing her hands together.
"Do you
know what
day it is? It's Saturday. It's a week to-day, a whole
week."
"A
week since father died,
A
week since father died," cried the
barrel-organ. And Josephine, too, forgot to be practical and
sensible;
she smiled faintly, strangely. On the Indian carpet there fell
a
square of
sunlight, pale red; it came and went and came--and stayed,
deepened--until
it shone almost golden. "The
sun's out," said Josephine, as though it really mattered. A perfect
fountain of bubbling notes shook from the barrel-organ, round,
bright
notes, carelessly scattered. Constantia
lifted her big, cold hands as if to catch them, and then her
hands fell
again. She walked over to the mantelpiece to her favourite
Buddha.
And the stone and gilt image, whose smile always gave her such a
queer
feeling, almost a pain and yet a pleasant pain, seemed to-day to be
more than
smiling. He knew something; he had a secret. "I know
something
that you
don't know," said her Buddha. Oh, what was it, what could
it be?
And yet
she had always felt there was...something. The
sunlight pressed through the windows, thieved its way in, flashed its
light over
the furniture and the photographs. Josephine watched it.
When
it came to
mother's photograph, the enlargement over the piano, it lingered
as though
puzzled to find so little remained of mother, except the earrings
shaped
like tiny pagodas and a black feather boa. Why did the
photographs
of dead
people always fade so? wondered Josephine. As soon as a person
was
dead their
photograph died too. But, of course, this one of mother was
very old.
It was thirty-five years old. Josephine remembered standing on
a chair
and pointing out that feather boa to Constantia and telling her
that it
was a snake that had killed their mother in Ceylon...Would
everything
have been different if mother hadn't died? She didn't see why.
Aunt
Florence had lived with them until they had left school, and they had
moved
three times and had their yearly holiday and...and there'd been
changes of
servants, of course. Some
little sparrows, young sparrows they sounded, chirped on the window-
ledge.
"Yeep--eyeep--yeep." But Josephine felt they were not
sparrows,
not on the
window-ledge. It was inside her, that queer little crying
noise.
"Yeep--eyeep--yeep." Ah, what was it crying, so weak
and forlorn? If mother
had lived, might they have married? But there had been nobody
for them
to marry. There had been father's Anglo-Indian friends before
he
quarrelled
with them. But after that she and Constantia never met a single
man except
clergymen. How did one meet men? Or even if they'd met
them,
how could
they have got to know men well enough to be more than strangers?
One read
of people having adventures, being followed, and so on. But
nobody had
ever followed Constantia and her. Oh yes, there had been one
year at
Eastbourne a mysterious man at their boarding-house who had put a
note on
the jug of hot water outside their bedroom door! But by the
time
Connie had
found it the steam had made the writing too faint to read; they
couldn't
even make out to which of them it was addressed. And he had
left
next day.
And that was all. The rest had been looking after father, and
at the
same time keeping out of father's way. But now? But now?
The
thieving
sun touched Josephine gently. She lifted her face. She
was drawn
over to
the window by gentle beams... Until the
barrel-organ stopped playing Constantia stayed before the Buddha,
wondering,
but not as usual, not vaguely. This time her wonder was like
longing.
She remembered the times she had come in here, crept out of bed
in her
nightgown when the moon was full, and lain on the floor with her
arms
outstretched, as though she was crucified. Why? The big,
pale moon
had made
her do it. The horrible dancing figures on the carved screen
had
leered at
her and she hadn't minded. She remembered too how, whenever
they
were at
the seaside, she had gone off by herself and got as close to the
sea as she
could, and sung something, something she had made up, while she
gazed all
over that restless water. There had been this other life,
running
out, bringing things home in bags, getting things on approval,
discussing
them with Jug, and taking them back to get more things on
approval,
and arranging father's trays and trying not to annoy father.
But
it all
seemed to have happened in a kind of tunnel. It wasn't real.
It
was only
when she came out of the tunnel into the moonlight or by the sea
or into a
thunderstorm that she really felt herself. What did it mean?
What was
it she was always wanting? What did it all lead to? Now?
Now? She turned
away from the Buddha with one of her vague gestures. She went
over to
where Josephine was standing. She wanted to say something to
Josephine,
something frightfully important, about--about the future and
what... "Don't
you think perhaps--" she began. But
Josephine interrupted her. "I was wondering if now--"
she murmured.
They
stopped; they waited for each other. "Go
on, Con," said Josephine. "No,
no, Jug; after you," said Constantia. "No,
say what you were going to say. You began," said
Josephine. "I...I'd
rather hear what you were going to say first," said Constantia. "Don't
be absurd, Con." "Really,
Jug." "Connie!" "Oh,
Jug!" A pause.
Then Constantia said faintly, "I can't say what I was going to
say, Jug,
because I've forgotten what it was...that I was going to say." Josephine
was silent for a moment. She stared at a big cloud where the
sun
had been.
Then she replied shortly, "I've forgotten too." Of course
he knew--no man better--that he hadn't a ghost of a chance, he
hadn't an
earthly. The very idea of such a thing was preposterous.
So
preposterous
that he'd perfectly understand it if her father--well,
whatever
her father chose to do he'd perfectly understand. In fact,
nothing
short of desperation, nothing short of the fact that this was
positively
his last day in England for God knows how long, would have
screwed
him up to it. And even now...He chose a tie out of the chest of
drawers, a
blue and cream check tie, and sat on the side of his bed.
Supposing
she replied, "What impertinence!" would he be surprised?
Not in
the least,
he decided, turning up his soft collar and turning it down over
the tie.
He expected her to say something like that. He didn't see, if
he
looked at
the affair dead soberly, what else she could say. Here he
was! And nervously he tied a bow in front of the mirror, jammed
his hair
down with both hands, pulled out the flaps of his jacket pockets.
Making
between 500 and 600 pounds a year on a fruit farm in--of all places-
-Rhodesia.
No capital. Not a penny coming to him. No chance of his
income
increasing for at least four years. As for looks and all that
sort
of thing,
he was completely out of the running. He couldn't even boast of
top-hole
health, for the East Africa business had knocked him out so
thoroughly
that he'd had to take six months' leave. He was still fearfully
pale--worse
even than usual this afternoon, he thought, bending forward and
peering
into the mirror. Good heavens! What had happened?
His hair
looked
almost bright green. Dash it all, he hadn't green hair at all
events.
That was a bit too steep. And then the green light trembled in
the glass;
it was the shadow from the tree outside. Reggie turned away,
took out
his cigarette case, but remembering how the mater hated him to
smoke in
his bedroom, put it back again and drifted over to the chest of
drawers.
No, he was dashed if he could think of one blessed thing in his
favour,
while she...Ah!...He stopped dead, folded his arms, and leaned hard
against
the chest of drawers. And in
spite of her position, her father's wealth, the fact that she was an
only child
and far and away the most popular girl in the neighbourhood; in
spite of
her beauty and her cleverness--cleverness!--it was a great deal
more than
that, there was really nothing she couldn't do; he fully
believed,
had it been necessary, she would have been a genius at anything--
in spite
of the fact that her parents adored her, and she them, and they'd
as soon
let her go all that way as...In spite of every single thing you
could
think of, so terrific was his love that he couldn't help hoping.
Well, was
it hope? Or was this queer, timid longing to have the chance of
looking
after her, of making it his job to see that she had everything she
wanted,
and that nothing came near her that wasn't perfect--just love?
How
he loved
her! He squeezed hard against the chest of drawers and murmured
to it, "I
love her, I love her!" And just for the moment he was with
her
on the way
to Umtali. It was night. She sat in a corner asleep.
Her soft
chin was
tucked into her soft collar, her gold-brown lashes lay on her
cheeks.
He doted on her delicate little nose, her perfect lips, her ear
like a
baby's, and the gold-brown curl that half covered it. They were
passing
through the jungle. It was warm and dark and far away.
Then she
woke up
and said, "Have I been asleep?" and he answered, "Yes.
Are you all
right?
Here, let me--" And he leaned forward to...He bent over
her. This
was such
bliss that he could dream no further. But it gave him the
courage
to bound
downstairs, to snatch his straw hat from the hall, and to say as
he closed
the front door, "Well, I can only try my luck, that's all." But his
luck gave him a nasty jar, to say the least, almost immediately.
Promenading
up and down the garden path with Chinny and Biddy, the ancient
Pekes, was
the mater. Of course Reginald was fond of the mater and all
that.
She--she meant well, she had no end of grit, and so on. But
there
was no
denying it, she was rather a grim parent. And there had been
moments,
many of them, in Reggie's life, before Uncle Alick died and left
him the
fruit farm, when he was convinced that to be a widow's only son was
about the
worst punishment a chap could have. And what made it rougher
than ever
was that she was positively all that he had. She wasn't only a
combined
parent, as it were, but she had quarrelled with all her own and
the
governor's relations before Reggie had won his first trouser pockets.
So that
whenever Reggie was homesick out there, sitting on his dark veranda
by
starlight, while the gramophone cried, "Dear, what is Life but
Love?"
his only
vision was of the mater, tall and stout, rustling down the garden
path, with
Chinny and Biddy at her heels... The mater,
with her scissors outspread to snap the head of a dead something
or other,
stopped at the sight of Reggie. "You
are not going out, Reginald?" she asked, seeing that he was. "I'll
be back for tea, mater," said Reggie weakly, plunging his hands
into
his jacket
pockets. Snip.
Off came a head. Reggie almost jumped. "I
should have thought you could have spared your mother your last
afternoon,"
said she. Silence.
The Pekes stared. They understood every word of the mater's.
Biddy lay
down with her tongue poked out; she was so fat and glossy she
looked
like a lump of half-melted toffee. But Chinny's porcelain eyes
gloomed at
Reginald, and he sniffed faintly, as though the whole world were
one
unpleasant smell. Snip, went the scissors again. Poor
little beggars;
they were
getting it! "And
where are you going, if your mother may ask?" asked the mater. It was
over at last, but Reggie did not slow down until he was out of sight
of the
house and half-way to Colonel Proctor's. Then only he noticed
what
a top-hole
afternoon it was. It had been raining all the morning, late
summer
rain, warm, heavy, quick, and now the sky was clear, except for a
long tail
of little clouds, like duckings, sailing over the forest. There
was just
enough wind to shake the last drops off the trees; one warm star
splashed
on his hand. Ping!--another drummed on his hat. The empty
road
gleamed,
the hedges smelled of briar, and how big and bright the hollyhocks
glowed in
the cottage gardens. And here was Colonel Proctor's--here it
was
already.
His hand was on the gate, his elbow jogged the syringa bushes,
and petals
and pollen scattered over his coat sleeve. But wait a bit.
This was
too quick altogether. He'd meant to think the whole thing out
again.
Here, steady. But he was walking up the path, with the huge
rose
bushes on
either side. It can't be done like this. But his hand had
grasped
the bell, given it a pull, and started it pealing wildly, as if
he'd come
to say the house was on fire. The housemaid must have been in
the hall,
too, for the front door flashed open, and Reggie was shut in the
empty
drawing-room before that confounded bell had stopped ringing.
Strangely
enough, when it did, the big room, shadowy, with some one's
parasol
lying on top of the grand piano, bucked him up--or rather, excited
him.
It was so quiet, and yet in one moment the door would open, and his
fate be
decided. The feeling was not unlike that of being at the
dentist's;
he was almost reckless. But at the same time, to his immense
surprise,
Reggie heard himself saying, "Lord, Thou knowest, Thou hast not
done much
for me..." That pulled him up; that made him realize again
how
dead
serious it was. Too late. The door handle turned.
Anne came in,
crossed
the shadowy space between them, gave him her hand, and said, in her
small,
soft voice, "I'm so sorry, father is out. And mother is
having a
day in
town, hat-hunting. There's only me to entertain you, Reggie." Reggie
gasped, pressed his own hat to his jacket buttons, and stammered
out, "As
a matter of fact, I've only come...to say good-bye." "Oh!"
cried Anne softly--she stepped back from him and her grey eyes
danced--"what
a very short visit!" Then,
watching him, her chin tilted, she laughed outright, a long, soft
peal, and
walked away from him over to the piano, and leaned against it,
playing
with the tassel of the parasol. "I'm
so sorry," she said, "to be laughing like this. I
don't know why I
do.
It's just a bad ha--habit." And suddenly she stamped her
grey shoe,
and took a
pocket-handkerchief out of her white woolly jacket. "I
really
must
conquer it, it's too absurd," said she. "Good
heavens, Anne," cried Reggie, "I love to hear you
laughing! I can't
imagine
anything more--" But the
truth was, and they both knew it, she wasn't always laughing; it
wasn't
really a habit. Only ever since the day they'd met, ever since
that
very first
moment, for some strange reason that Reggie wished to God he
understood,
Anne had laughed at him. Why? It didn't matter where they
were or
what they were talking about. They might begin by being as
serious
as
possible, dead serious--at any rate, as far as he was concerned--but
then
suddenly, in the middle of a sentence, Anne would glance at him, and
a
little
quick quiver passed over her face. Her lips parted, her eyes
danced,
and she began laughing. Another
queer thing about it was, Reggie had an idea she didn't herself
know why
she laughed. He had seen her turn away, frown, suck in her
cheeks,
press her hands together. But it was no use. The long,
soft peal
sounded,
even while she cried, "I don't know why I'm laughing."
It was a
mystery... Now she
tucked the handkerchief away. "Do
sit down," said she. "And smoke, won't you?
There are cigarettes in
that
little box beside you. I'll have one too." He
lighted a match for
her, and
as she bent forward he saw the tiny flame glow in the pearl ring
she wore.
"It is to-morrow that you're going, isn't it?" said Anne. "Yes,
to-morrow as ever was," said Reggie, and he blew a little fan of
smoke.
Why on earth was he so nervous? Nervous wasn't the word for it. "It's--it's
frightfully hard to believe," he added. "Yes--isn't
it?" said Anne softly, and she leaned forward and rolled the
point of
her cigarette round the green ash-tray. How beautiful she
looked
like
that!--simply beautiful--and she was so small in that immense chair.
Reginald's
heart swelled with tenderness, but it was her voice, her soft
voice,
that made him tremble. "I feel you've been here for
years," she
said. Reginald
took a deep breath of his cigarette. "It's ghastly, this
idea of
going
back," be said. "Coo-roo-coo-coo-coo,"
sounded from the quiet. "But
you're fond of being out there, aren't you?" said Anne.
She hooked
her finger
through her pearl necklace. "Father was saying only the
other
night how
lucky he thought you were to have a life of your own." And
she
looked up
at him. Reginald's smile was rather wan. "I don't
feel
fearfully
lucky," he said lightly. "Roo-coo-coo-coo,"
came again. And Anne murmured, "You mean it's lonely." "Oh,
it isn't the loneliness I care about," said Reginald, and he
stumped
his
cigarette savagely on the green ash-tray. "I could stand
any amount of
it, used
to like it even. It's the idea of--" Suddenly, to
his horror, he
felt
himself blushing. "Roo-coo-coo-coo!
Roo-coo-coo-coo!" Anne
jumped up. "Come and say good-bye to my doves," she
said. "They've
been moved
to the side veranda. You do like doves, don't you, Reggie?" "Awfully,"
said Reggie, so fervently that as he opened the French window
for her
and stood to one side, Anne ran forward and laughed at the doves
instead. To and
fro, to and fro over the fine red sand on the floor of the dove
house,
walked the two doves. One was always in front of the other.
One
ran
forward, uttering a little cry, and the other followed, solemnly
bowing
and
bowing. "You see," explained Anne, "the one in
front, she's Mrs. Dove.
She looks
at Mr. Dove and gives that little laugh and runs forward, and he
follows
her, bowing and bowing. And that makes her laugh again.
Away she
runs, and
after her," cried Anne, and she sat back on her heels, "comes
poor Mr.
Dove, bowing and bowing...and that's their whole life. They
never
do
anything else, you know." She got up and took some yellow
grains out of
a bag on
the roof of the dove house. "When you think of them, out
in
Rhodesia,
Reggie, you can be sure that is what they will be doing..." Reggie
gave no sign of having seen the doves or of having heard a word.
For the
moment he was conscious only of the immense effort it took to tear
his secret
out of himself and offer it to Anne. "Anne, do you think
you
could ever
care for me?" It was done. It was over. And in
the little
pause that
followed Reginald saw the garden open to the light, the blue
quivering
sky, the flutter of leaves on the veranda poles, and Anne turning
over the
grains of maize on her palm with one finger. Then slowly she
shut
her hand,
and the new world faded as she murmured slowly, "No, never in
that
way." But he had scarcely time to feel anything before she
walked
quickly
away, and he followed her down the steps, along the garden path,
under the
pink rose arches, across the lawn. There, with the gay
herbaceous
border behind her, Anne faced Reginald. "It isn't that I'm
not
awfully
fond of you," she said. "I am. But"--her
eyes widened--"not in
the
way"--a quiver passed over her face--"one ought to be fond
of--" Her
lips
parted, and she couldn't stop herself. She began laughing.
"There,
you see,
you see," she cried, "it's your check t-tie. Even at
this moment,
when one
would think one really would be solemn, your tie reminds me
fearfully
of the bow-tie that cats wear in pictures! Oh, please forgive
me
for being
so horrid, please!" Reggie
caught hold of her little warm hand. "There's no question
of
forgiving
you," he said quickly. "How could there be? And
I do believe I
know why I
make you laugh. It's because you're so far above me in every
way that I
am somehow ridiculous. I see that, Anne. But if I were
to--" "No,
no." Anne squeezed his hand hard. "It's not
that. That's all wrong.
I'm not
far above you at all. You're much better than I am.
You're
marvellously
unselfish and...and kind and simple. I'm none of those
things.
You don't know me. I'm the most awful character," said
Anne.
"Please
don't interrupt. And besides, that's not the point. The
point
is"--she
shook her head--"I couldn't possibly marry a man I laughed at.
Surely you
see that. The man I marry--" breathed Anne softly.
She broke
off.
She drew her hand away, and looking at Reggie she smiled strangely,
dreamily.
"The man I marry--" And it
seemed to Reggie that a tall, handsome, brilliant stranger stepped
in front
of him and took his place--the kind of man that Anne and he had
seen often
at the theatre, walking on to the stage from nowhere, without a
word
catching the heroine in his arms, and after one long, tremendous
look,
carrying
her off to anywhere... Reggie
bowed to his vision. "Yes, I see," he said huskily. "Do
you?" said Anne. "Oh, I do hope you do. Because
I feel so horrid
about it.
It's so hard to explain. You know I've never--" She
stopped.
Reggie
looked at her. She was smiling. "Isn't it funny?"
she said. "I
can say
anything to you. I always have been able to from the very
beginning." He tried
to smile, to say "I'm glad." She went on. "I've
never known any
one I like
as much as I like you. I've never felt so happy with any one.
But I'm
sure it's not what people and what books mean when they talk about
love.
Do you understand? Oh, if you only knew how horrid I feel.
But
we'd be
like...like Mr. and Mrs. Dove." That did
it. That seemed to Reginald final, and so terribly true that he
could
hardly bear it. "Don't drive it home," he said, and
he turned away
from Anne
and looked across the lawn. There was the gardener's cottage,
with the
dark ilex-tree beside it. A wet, blue thumb of transparent
smoke
hung above
the chimney. It didn't look real. How his throat ached!
Could
he speak?
He had a shot. "I must be getting along home," he
croaked, and
he began
walking across the lawn. But Anne ran after him. "No,
don't.
You can't
go yet," she said imploringly. "You can't possibly go
away
feeling
like that." And she stared up at him frowning, biting her
lip. "Oh,
that's all right," said Reggie, giving himself a shake.
"I'll...
I'll--"
And he waved his hand as much to say "get over it." "But
this is awful," said Anne. She clasped her hands and stood
in front
of him.
"Surely you do see how fatal it would be for us to marry, don't
you?" "Oh,
quite, quite," said Reggie, looking at her with haggard eyes. "How
wrong, how wicked, feeling as I do. I mean, it's all very well
for
Mr. and
Mrs. Dove. But imagine that in real life--imagine it!" "Oh,
absolutely," said Reggie, and he started to walk on. But
again Anne
stopped
him. She tugged at his sleeve, and to his astonishment, this
time,
instead of
laughing, she looked like a little girl who was going to cry. "Then
why, if you understand, are you so un-unhappy?" she wailed.
"Why do
you mind
so fearfully? Why do you look so aw-awful?" Reggie
gulped, and again he waved something away. "I can't help
it," he
said,
"I've had a blow. If I cut off now, I'll be able to--" "How
can you talk of cutting off now?" said Anne scornfully.
She stamped
her foot
at Reggie; she was crimson. "How can you be so cruel?
I can't
let you go
until I know for certain that you are just as happy as you were
before you
asked me to marry you. Surely you must see that, it's so
simple." But it did
not seem at all simple to Reginald. It seemed impossibly
difficult. "Even
if I can't marry you, how can I know that you're all that way away,
with only
that awful mother to write to, and that you're miserable, and
that it's
all my fault?" "It's
not your fault. Don't think that. It's just fate."
Reggie took her
hand off
his sleeve and kissed it. "Don't pity me, dear little
Anne," he
said
gently. And this time he nearly ran, under the pink arches,
along the
garden
path. "Roo-coo-coo-coo!
Roo-coo-coo-coo!" sounded from the veranda. "Reggie,
Reggie,"
from the garden. He
stopped, he turned. But when she saw his timid, puzzled look,
she gave
a little
laugh. "Come
back, Mr. Dove," said Anne. And Reginald came slowly
across the
lawn. In her
blue dress, with her cheeks lightly flushed, her blue, blue eyes,
and her
gold curls pinned up as though for the first time--pinned up to be
out of the
way for her flight--Mrs. Raddick's daughter might have just
dropped
from this radiant heaven. Mrs. Raddick's timid, faintly
astonished,
but deeply admiring glance looked as if she believed it, too;
but the
daughter didn't appear any too pleased--why should she?--to have
alighted
on the steps of the Casino. Indeed, she was bored--bored as
though
Heaven had been full of casinos with snuffy old saints for croupiers
and crowns
to play with. "You
don't mind taking Hennie?" said Mrs. Raddick. "Sure
you don't?
There's
the car, and you'll have tea and we'll be back here on this step--
right
here--in an hour. You see, I want her to go in. She's not
been
before,
and it's worth seeing. I feel it wouldn't be fair to her." "Oh,
shut up, mother," said she wearily. "Come along.
Don't talk so much.
And your
bag's open; you'll be losing all your money again." "I'm
sorry, darling," said Mrs. Raddick. "Oh,
do come in! I want to make money," said the impatient
voice. "It's
all jolly
well for you--but I'm broke!" "Here--take
fifty francs, darling, take a hundred!" I saw Mrs. Raddick
pressing
notes into her hand as they passed through the swing doors. Hennie and
I stood on the steps a minute, watching the people. He had a
very
broad, delighted smile. "I
say," he cried, "there's an English bulldog. Are they
allowed to take
dogs in
there?" "No,
they're not." "He's
a ripping chap, isn't he? I wish I had one. They're such
fun. They
frighten
people so, and they're never fierce with their--the people they
belong
to." Suddenly he squeezed my arm. "I say, do
look at that old
woman.
Who is she? Why does she look like that? Is she a
gambler?" The
ancient, withered creature, wearing a green satin dress, a black
velvet
cloak and
a white hat with purple feathers, jerked slowly, slowly up the
steps as
though she were being drawn up on wires. She stared in front of
her, she
was laughing and nodding and cackling to herself; her claws
clutched
round what looked like a dirty boot-bag. But just
at that moment there was Mrs. Raddick again with--her--and another
lady
hovering in the background. Mrs. Raddick rushed at me.
She was
brightly
flushed, gay, a different creature. She was like a woman who is
saying
"good-bye" to her friends on the station platform, with not
a minute
to spare
before the train starts. "Oh,
you're here, still. Isn't that lucky! You've not gone.
Isn't that
fine!
I've had the most dreadful time with--her," and she waved to her
daughter,
who stood absolutely still, disdainful, looking down, twiddling
her foot
on the step, miles away. "They won't let her in. I
swore she was
twenty-one.
But they won't believe me. I showed the man my purse; I
didn't
dare to do more. But it was no use. He simply
scoffed...And now
I've just
met Mrs. MacEwen from New York, and she just won thirteen
thousand
in the Salle Privee--and she wants me to go back with her while
the luck
lasts. Of course I can't leave--her. But if you'd--" At that
"she" looked up; she simply withered her mother. "Why
can't you
leave me?"
she said furiously. "What utter rot! How dare you
make a scene
like
this? This is the last time I'll come out with you. You
really are
too awful
for words." She looked her mother up and down. "Calm
yourself,"
she said
superbly. Mrs.
Raddick was desperate, just desperate. She was "wild"
to go back with
Mrs.
MacEwen, but at the same time ... I seized
my courage. "Would you--do you care to come to tea
with--us?" "Yes,
yes, she'll be delighted. That's just what I wanted, isn't it,
darling?
Mrs. MacEwen...I'll be back here in an hour...or less...I'll--" Mrs. R.
dashed up the steps. I saw her bag was open again. So we
three were left. But really it wasn't my fault. Hennie
looked
crushed to
the earth, too. When the car was there she wrapped her dark
coat round
her--to escape contamination. Even her little feet looked as
though
they scorned to carry her down the steps to us. "I am
so awfully sorry," I murmured as the car started. "Oh,
I don't mind," said she. "I don't want to look
twenty-one. Who
would--if
they were seventeen! It's"--and she gave a faint
shudder--"the
stupidity
I loathe, and being stared at by old fat men. Beasts!" Hennie
gave her a quick look and then peered out of the window. We drew up
before an immense palace of pink-and-white marble with orange-
trees
outside the doors in gold-and-black tubs. "Would
you care to go in?" I suggested. She
hesitated, glanced, bit her lip, and resigned herself. "Oh
well, there
seems
nowhere else," said she. "Get out, Hennie." I went
first--to find the table, of course--she followed. But the
worst of
it was
having her little brother, who was only twelve, with us. That
was
the last,
final straw--having that child, trailing at her heels. There was
one table. It had pink carnations and pink plates with little
blue
tea-napkins for sails. "Shall
we sit here?" She put
her hand wearily on the back of a white wicker chair. "We
may as well. Why not?" said she. Hennie
squeezed past her and wriggled on to a stool at the end. He
felt
awfully
out of it. She didn't even take her gloves off. She
lowered her
eyes and
drummed on the table. When a faint violin sounded she winced
and
bit her
lip again. Silence. The
waitress appeared. I hardly dared to ask her.
"Tea--coffee? China
tea--or
iced tea with lemon?" Really she
didn't mind. It was all the same to her. She didn't
really
want
anything. Hennie whispered, "Chocolate!" But just
as the waitress turned away she cried out carelessly, "Oh, you
may
as well
bring me a chocolate, too." While we
waited she took out a little, gold powder-box with a mirror in the
lid, shook
the poor little puff as though she loathed it, and dabbed her
lovely
nose. "Hennie,"
she said, "take those flowers away." She pointed with
her puff
to the
carnations, and I heard her murmur, "I can't bear flowers on a
table."
They had evidently been giving her intense pain, for she
positively
closed her eyes as I moved them away. The
waitress came back with the chocolate and the tea. She put the
big,
frothing
cups before them and pushed across my clear glass. Hennie
buried
his nose,
emerged, with, for one dreadful moment, a little trembling blob
of cream
on the tip. But he hastily wiped it off like a little
gentleman.
I wondered
if I should dare draw her attention to her cup. She didn't
notice
it--didn't see it--until suddenly, quite by chance, she took a sip.
I watched
anxiously; she faintly shuddered. "Dreadfully
sweet!" said she. A tiny boy
with a head like a raisin and a chocolate body came round with a
tray of
pastries--row upon row of little freaks, little inspirations,
little
melting dreams. He offered them to her. "Oh, I'm not
at all
hungry.
Take them away." He offered
them to Hennie. Hennie gave me a swift look--it must have been
satisfactory--for
he took a chocolate cream, a coffee eclair, a meringue
stuffed
with chestnut and a tiny horn filled with fresh strawberries.
She
could
hardly bear to watch him. But just as the boy swerved away she
held
up her
plate. "Oh
well, give me one," said she. The silver
tongs dropped one, two, three--and a cherry tartlet. "I
don't
know why
you're giving me all these," she said, and nearly smiled.
"I
shan't eat
them; I couldn't!" I felt
much more comfortable. I sipped my tea, leaned back, and even
asked
if I might
smoke. At that she paused, the fork in her hand, opened her
eyes, and
really did smile. "Of course," said she. "I
always expect
people
to." But at
that moment a tragedy happened to Hennie. He speared his pastry
horn too
hard, and it flew in two, and one half spilled on the table.
Ghastly
affair! He turned crimson. Even his ears flared, and one
ashamed
hand crept
across the table to take what was left of the body away. "You
utter little beast!" said she. Good
heavens! I had to fly to the rescue. I cried hastily,
"Will you be
abroad
long?" But she
had already forgotten Hennie. I was forgotten, too. She
was
trying to
remember something...She was miles away. "I--don't--know,"
she said slowly, from that far place. "I
suppose you prefer it to London. It's more--more--" When I
didn't go on she came back and looked at me, very puzzled.
"More--?" "Enfin--gayer,"
I cried, waving my cigarette. But that
took a whole cake to consider. Even then, "Oh well, that
depends!"
was all she could safely say. Hennie had
finished. He was still very warm. I seized
the butterfly list off the table. "I say--what about an
ice,
Hennie?
What about tangerine and ginger? No, something cooler.
What
about a
fresh pineapple cream?" Hennie
strongly approved. The waitress had her eye on us. The
order was
taken when
she looked up from her crumbs. "Did
you say tangerine and ginger? I like ginger. You can
bring me one."
And then
quickly, "I wish that orchestra wouldn't play things from the
year
One.
We were dancing to that all last Christmas. It's too
sickening!" But it was
a charming air. Now that I noticed it, it warmed me. "I
think this is rather a nice place, don't you, Hennie?" I said. Hennie
said: "Ripping!" He meant to say it very low,
but it came out very
high in a
kind of squeak. Nice?
This place? Nice? For the first time she stared about
her, trying
to see
what there was...She blinked; her lovely eyes wondered. A very
good-looking
elderly man stared back at her through a monocle on a black
ribbon.
But him she simply couldn't see. There was a hole in the air
where he
was. She looked through and through him. Finally
the little flat spoons lay still on the glass plates. Hennie
looked
rather exhausted, but she pulled on her white gloves again. She
had
some
trouble with her diamond wrist-watch; it got in her way. She
tugged
at
it--tried to break the stupid little thing--it wouldn't break.
Finally,
she had to
drag her glove over. I saw, after that, she couldn't stand this
place a
moment longer, and, indeed, she jumped up and turned away while I
went
through the vulgar act of paying for the tea. And then
we were outside again. It had grown dusky. The sky was
sprinkled
with small
stars; the big lamps glowed. While we waited for the car to
come up
she stood on the step, just as before, twiddling her foot, looking
down. Hennie
bounded forward to open the door and she got in and sank back with--
oh--such a
sigh! "Tell
him," she gasped, "to drive as fast as he can." Hennie
grinned at his friend the chauffeur. "Allie veet!"
said he. Then
he
composed himself and sat on the small seat facing us. The gold
powder-box came out again. Again the poor little puff was
shaken;
again
there was that swift, deadly-secret glance between her and the
mirror. We tore
through the black-and-gold town like a pair of scissors tearing
through
brocade. Hennie had great difficulty not to look as though he
were
hanging on
to something. And when
we reached the Casino, of course Mrs. Raddick wasn't there.
There
wasn't a
sign of her on the steps--not a sign. "Will
you stay in the car while I go and look?" But
no--she wouldn't do that. Good heavens, no! Hennie could
stay. She
couldn't
bear sitting in a car. She'd wait on the steps. "But
I scarcely like to leave you," I murmured. "I'd very
much rather not
leave you
here." At that
she threw back her coat; she turned and faced me; her lips parted.
"Good
heavens--why! I--I don't mind it a bit. I--I like
waiting." And
suddenly
her cheeks crimsoned, her eyes grew dark--for a moment I thought
she was
going to cry. "L--let me, please," she stammered, in
a warm, eager
voice.
"I like it. I love waiting! Really--really I do!
I'm always
waiting--in
all kinds of places..." Her dark
coat fell open, and her white throat--all her soft young body in
the blue
dress--was like a flower that is just emerging from its dark bud. When the
literary gentleman, whose flat old Ma Parker cleaned every
Tuesday,
opened the door to her that morning, he asked after her grandson.
Ma Parker
stood on the doormat inside the dark little hall, and she
stretched
out her hand to help her gentleman shut the door before she
replied.
"We buried 'im yesterday, sir," she said quietly. "Oh,
dear me! I'm sorry to hear that," said the literary
gentleman in a
shocked
tone. He was in the middle of his breakfast. He wore a
very
shabby
dressing-gown and carried a crumpled newspaper in one hand. But
he
felt
awkward. He could hardly go back to the warm sitting-room
without
saying
something--something more. Then because these people set such
store
by
funerals he said kindly, "I hope the funeral went off all
right." "Beg
parding, sir?" said old Ma Parker huskily.
Poor old
bird! She did look dashed. "I hope the funeral was
a--a--
success,"
said he. Ma Parker gave no answer. She bent her head and
hobbled
off to the kitchen, clasping the old fish bag that held her
cleaning
things and an apron and a pair of felt shoes. The literary
gentleman
raised his eyebrows and went back to his breakfast. "Overcome,
I suppose," he said aloud, helping himself to the marmalade. Ma Parker
drew the two jetty spears out of her toque and hung it behind the
door.
She unhooked her worn jacket and hung that up too. Then she
tied
her apron
and sat down to take off her boots. To take off her boots or to
put them
on was an agony to her, but it had been an agony for years. In
fact, she
was so accustomed to the pain that her face was drawn and screwed
up ready
for the twinge before she'd so much as untied the laces. That
over, she
sat back with a sigh and softly rubbed her knees... "Gran!
Gran!" Her little grandson stood on her lap in his button
boots.
He'd just
come in from playing in the street. "Look
what a state you've made your gran's skirt into--you wicked boy!" But he put
his arms round her neck and rubbed his cheek against hers. "Gran,
gi' us a penny!" he coaxed. "Be
off with you; Gran ain't got no pennies." "Yes,
you 'ave." "No,
I ain't." "Yes,
you 'ave. Gi' us one!" Already
she was feeling for the old, squashed, black leather purse. "Well,
what'll you give your gran?" He gave a
shy little laugh and pressed closer. She felt his eyelid
quivering
against her cheek. "I ain't got nothing," he
murmured... The old
woman sprang up, seized the iron kettle off the gas stove and took
it over to
the sink. The noise of the water drumming in the kettle
deadened
her pain, it seemed. She filled the pail, too, and the
washing-up
bowl. It would
take a whole book to describe the state of that kitchen. During
the week
the literary gentleman "did" for himself. That is to
say, he
emptied
the tea leaves now and again into a jam jar set aside for that
purpose,
and if he ran out of clean forks he wiped over one or two on the
roller
towel. Otherwise, as he explained to his friends, his "system"
was
quite
simple, and he couldn't understand why people made all this fuss
about
housekeeping. "You
simply dirty everything you've got, get a hag in once a week to clean
up, and
the thing's done." The result
looked like a gigantic dustbin. Even the floor was littered
with toast
crusts, envelopes, cigarette ends. But Ma Parker bore him no
grudge.
She pitied the poor young gentleman for having no one to look
after
him. Out of the smudgy little window you could see an immense
expanse of
sad-looking sky, and whenever there were clouds they looked very
worn, old
clouds, frayed at the edges, with holes in them, or dark stains
like tea. While the
water was heating, Ma Parker began sweeping the floor. "Yes,"
she
thought, as the broom knocked, "what with one thing and another
I've
had my
share. I've had a hard life." Even the
neighbours said that of her. Many a time, hobbling home with
her
fish bag
she heard them, waiting at the corner, or leaning over the area
railings,
say among themselves, "She's had a hard life, has Ma Parker."
And it was
so true she wasn't in the least proud of it. It was just as if
you were
to say she lived in the basement-back at Number 27. A hard
life!... At sixteen
she'd left Stratford and come up to London as kitching-maid.
Yes, she
was born in Stratford-on-Avon. Shakespeare, sir? No,
people were
always
arsking her about him. But she'd never heard his name until she
saw
it on the
theatres. Nothing
remained of Stratford except that "sitting in the fire-place of
a
evening
you could see the stars through the chimley," and "Mother
always
'ad 'er
side of bacon, 'anging from the ceiling." And there was
something-
-a bush,
there was--at the front door, that smelt ever so nice. But the
bush was
very vague. She'd only remembered it once or twice in the
hospital,
when she'd been taken bad. That was a
dreadful place--her first place. She was never allowed out.
She never
went upstairs except for prayers morning and evening. It was a
fair
cellar. And the cook was a cruel woman. She used to
snatch away her
letters
from home before she'd read them, and throw them in the range
because
they made her dreamy...And the beedles! Would you believe it?--
until she
came to London she'd never seen a black beedle. Here Ma always
gave a
little laugh, as though--not to have seen a black beedle!
Well! It
was as if
to say you'd never seen your own feet. When that
family was sold up she went as "help" to a doctor's house,
and
after two
years there, on the run from morning till night, she married her
husband.
He was a baker. "A
baker, Mrs. Parker!" the literary gentleman would say. For
occasionally
he laid
aside his tomes and lent an ear, at least, to this product called
Life.
"It must be rather nice to be married to a baker!" Mrs.
Parker didn't look so sure. "Such
a clean trade," said the gentleman. Mrs.
Parker didn't look convinced. "And
didn't you like handing the new loaves to the customers?" "Well,
sir," said Mrs. Parker, "I wasn't in the shop above a great
deal.
We had
thirteen little ones and buried seven of them. If it wasn't the
'ospital
it was the infirmary, you might say!" "You
might, indeed, Mrs. Parker!" said the gentleman,
shuddering, and
taking up
his pen again. Yes, seven
had gone, and while the six were still small her husband was
taken ill
with consumption. It was flour on the lungs, the doctor told
her
at the
time...Her husband sat up in bed with his shirt pulled over his
head, and
the doctor's finger drew a circle on his back. "Now,
if we were to cut him open here, Mrs. Parker," said the doctor,
"you'd
find his lungs chock-a-block with white powder. Breathe, my
good
fellow!"
And Mrs. Parker never knew for certain whether she saw or whether
she
fancied she saw a great fan of white dust come out of her poor dead
husband's
lips... But the
struggle she'd had to bring up those six little children and keep
herself to
herself. Terrible it had been! Then, just when they were
old
enough to
go to school her husband's sister came to stop with them to help
things
along, and she hadn't been there more than two months when she fell
down a
flight of steps and hurt her spine. And for five years Ma
Parker
had
another baby--and such a one for crying!--to look after. Then
young
Maudie
went wrong and took her sister Alice with her; the two boys
emigrimated,
and young Jim went to India with the army, and Ethel, the
youngest,
married a good-for-nothing little waiter who died of ulcers the
year
little Lennie was born. And now little Lennie--my grandson... The piles
of dirty cups, dirty dishes, were washed and dried. The ink-
black
knives were cleaned with a piece of potato and finished off with a
piece of
cork. The table was scrubbed, and the dresser and the sink that
had
sardine tails swimming in it... He'd never
been a strong child--never from the first. He'd been one of
those fair
babies that everybody took for a girl. Silvery fair curls he
had, blue
eyes, and a little freckle like a diamond on one side of his
nose.
The trouble she and Ethel had had to rear that child! The
things
out of the
newspapers they tried him with! Every Sunday morning Ethel
would read
aloud while Ma Parker did her washing. "Dear
Sir,--Just a line to let you know my little Myrtil was laid out for
dead...After
four bottils...gained 8 lbs. in 9 weeks, and is still putting
it on." And then
the egg-cup of ink would come off the dresser and the letter would
be
written, and Ma would buy a postal order on her way to work next
morning.
But it was no use. Nothing made little Lennie put it on.
Taking
him to the
cemetery, even, never gave him a colour; a nice shake-up in the
bus never
improved his appetite. But he was
gran's boy from the first... "Whose
boy are you?" said old Ma Parker, straightening up from the
stove
and going
over to the smudgy window. And a little voice, so warm, so
close, it
half stifled her--it seemed to be in her breast under her heart--
laughed
out, and said, "I'm gran's boy!" At that
moment there was a sound of steps, and the literary gentleman
appeared,
dressed for walking. "Oh,
Mrs. Parker, I'm going out." "Very
good, sir." "And
you'll find your half-crown in the tray of the inkstand." "Thank
you, sir." "Oh,
by the way, Mrs. Parker," said the literary gentleman quickly,
"you
didn't
throw away any cocoa last time you were here--did you?" "No,
sir."
"Very
strange. I could have sworn I left a teaspoonful of cocoa in
the
tin."
He broke off. He said softly and firmly, "You'll always
tell me
when you
throw things away--won't you, Mrs. Parker?" And he walked
off
very well
pleased with himself, convinced, in fact, he'd shown Mrs. Parker
that under
his apparent carelessness he was as vigilant as a woman. The door
banged. She took her brushes and cloths into the bedroom.
But
when she
began to make the bed, smoothing, tucking, patting, the thought of
little
Lennie was unbearable. Why did he have to suffer so?
That's what
she
couldn't understand. Why should a little angel child have to
arsk for
his breath
and fight for it? There was no sense in making a child suffer
like that. ...From
Lennie's little box of a chest there came a sound as though
something
was boiling. There was a great lump of something bubbling in
his
chest that
he couldn't get rid of. When he coughed the sweat sprang out on
his head;
his eyes bulged, his hands waved, and the great lump bubbled as a
potato
knocks in a saucepan. But what was more awful than all was when
he
didn't
cough he sat against the pillow and never spoke or answered, or even
made as if
he heard. Only he looked offended. "It's
not your poor old gran's doing it, my lovey," said old Ma
Parker,
patting
back the damp hair from his little scarlet ears. But Lennie
moved
his head
and edged away. Dreadfully offended with her he looked--and
solemn.
He bent his head and looked at her sideways as though he couldn't
have
believed it of his gran. But at the
last...Ma Parker threw the counterpane over the bed. No, she
simply
couldn't think about it. It was too much--she'd had too much in
her
life to
bear. She'd borne it up till now, she'd kept herself to
herself,
and never
once had she been seen to cry. Never by a living soul.
Not even
her own
children had seen Ma break down. She'd kept a proud face
always.
But now!
Lennie gone--what had she? She had nothing. He was all
she'd
got from
life, and now he was took too. Why must it all have happened to
me? she
wondered. "What have I done?" said old Ma Parker.
"What have I
done?" As she
said those words she suddenly let fall her brush. She found
herself
in the
kitchen. Her misery was so terrible that she pinned on her hat,
put
on her
jacket and walked out of the flat like a person in a dream. She
did
not know
what she was doing. She was like a person so dazed by the
horror
of what
has happened that he walks away--anywhere, as though by walking
away he
could escape... It was
cold in the street. There was a wind like ice. People
went
flitting
by, very fast; the men walked like scissors; the women trod like
cats.
And nobody knew--nobody cared. Even if she broke down, if at
last,
after all
these years, she were to cry, she'd find herself in the lock-up
as like as
not. But at the
thought of crying it was as though little Lennie leapt in his
gran's
arms. Ah, that's what she wants to do, my dove. Gran
wants to cry.
If she
could only cry now, cry for a long time, over everything, beginning
with her
first place and the cruel cook, going on to the doctor's, and then
the seven
little ones, death of her husband, the children's leaving her,
and all
the years of misery that led up to Lennie. But to have a proper
cry over
all these things would take a long time. All the same, the time
for it had
come. She must do it. She couldn't put it off any longer;
she
couldn't
wait any more...Where could she go? "She's
had a hard life, has Ma Parker." Yes, a hard life,
indeed! Her
chin began
to tremble; there was no time to lose. But where? Where? She
couldn't go home; Ethel was there. It would frighten Ethel out
of her
life.
She couldn't sit on a bench anywhere; people would come arsking her
questions.
She couldn't possibly go back to the gentleman's flat; she had
no right
to cry in strangers' houses. If she sat on some steps a
policeman
would
speak to her. Oh, wasn't
there anywhere where she could hide and keep herself to herself
and stay
as long as she liked, not disturbing anybody, and nobody worrying
her?
Wasn't there anywhere in the world where she could have her cry out--
at last? Ma Parker
stood, looking up and down. The icy wind blew out her apron
into
a
balloon. And now it began to rain. There was nowhere. On his way
to the station William remembered with a fresh pang of
disappointment
that he was taking nothing down to the kiddies. Poor little
chaps!
It was hard lines on them. Their first words always were as
they
ran to
greet him, "What have you got for me, daddy?" and he had
nothing.
He would
have to buy them some sweets at the station. But that was what
he
had done
for the past four Saturdays; their faces had fallen last time when
they saw
the same old boxes produced again.
And Paddy
had said, "I had red ribbing on mine bee-fore!" And Johnny
had said, "It's always pink on mine. I hate pink." But what
was William to do? The affair wasn't so easily settled.
In the
old days,
of course, he would have taken a taxi off to a decent toyshop and
chosen
them something in five minutes. But nowadays they had Russian
toys,
French
toys, Serbian toys--toys from God knows where. It was over a
year
since
Isabel had scrapped the old donkeys and engines and so on because
they were
so "dreadfully sentimental" and "so appallingly bad
for the
babies'
sense of form." "It's
so important," the new Isabel had explained, "that they
should like
the right
things from the very beginning. It saves so much time later on.
Really, if
the poor pets have to spend their infant years staring at these
horrors,
one can imagine them growing up and asking to be taken to the
Royal
Academy." And she
spoke as though a visit to the Royal Academy was certain immediate
death to
any one... "Well,
I don't know," said William slowly. "When I was their
age I used to
go to bed
hugging an old towel with a knot in it." The new
Isabel looked at him, her eyes narrowed, her lips apart. "Dear
William! I'm sure you did!" She laughed in the new
way. Sweets it
would have to be, however, thought William gloomily, fishing in
his pocket
for change for the taxi-man. And he saw the kiddies handing the
boxes
round--they were awfully generous little chaps--while Isabel's
precious
friends didn't hesitate to help themselves... What about
fruit? William hovered before a stall just inside the station.
What about
a melon each? Would they have to share that, too? Or a
pineapple,
for Pad, and a melon for Johnny? Isabel's friends could hardly
go
sneaking up to the nursery at the children's meal-times. All
the same,
as he
bought the melon William had a horrible vision of one of Isabel's
young
poets lapping up a slice, for some reason, behind the nursery door. With his
two very awkward parcels he strode off to his train. The
platform
was
crowded, the train was in. Doors banged open and shut.
There came
such a
loud hissing from the engine that people looked dazed as they
scurried
to and fro. William made straight for a first-class smoker,
stowed
away his suit-case and parcels, and taking a huge wad of papers out
of his
inner pocket, he flung down in the corner and began to read. "Our
client moreover is positive...We are inclined to reconsider...in the
event
of--" Ah, that was better. William pressed back his
flattened hair
and
stretched his legs across the carriage floor. The familiar dull
gnawing in
his breast quietened down. "With regard to our
decision--" He
took out a
blue pencil and scored a paragraph slowly. Two men
came in, stepped across him, and made for the farther corner. A
young
fellow swung his golf clubs into the rack and sat down opposite.
The
train gave
a gentle lurch, they were off. William glanced up and saw the
hot,
bright station slipping away. A red-faced girl raced along by
the
carriages,
there was something strained and almost desperate in the way she
waved and
called. "Hysterical!" thought William dully.
Then a greasy,
black-faced
workman at the end of the platform grinned at the passing
train.
And William thought, "A filthy life!" and went back to his
papers. When he
looked up again there were fields, and beasts standing for shelter
under the
dark trees. A wide river, with naked children splashing in the
shallows,
glided into sight and was gone again. The sky shone pale, and
one bird
drifted high like a dark fleck in a jewel. "We
have examined our client's correspondence files..." The
last sentence
he had
read echoed in his mind. "We have examined ..."
William hung on to
that
sentence, but it was no good; it snapped in the middle, and the
fields,
the sky, the sailing bird, the water, all said, "Isabel."
The same
thing
happened every Saturday afternoon. When he was on his way to
meet
Isabel
there began those countless imaginary meetings. She was at the
station,
standing just a little apart from everybody else; she was sitting
in the
open taxi outside; she was at the garden gate; walking across the
parched
grass; at the door, or just inside the hall. And her
clear, light voice said, "It's William," or "Hillo,
William!" or
"So
William has come!" He touched her cool hand, her cool
cheek. The
exquisite freshness of Isabel! When he had been a little boy,
it was
his
delight to run into the garden after a shower of rain and shake the
rose-bush
over him. Isabel was that rose-bush, petal-soft, sparkling and
cool.
And he was still that little boy. But there was no running into
the
garden
now, no laughing and shaking. The dull, persistent gnawing in
his
breast
started again. He drew up his legs, tossed the papers aside,
and
shut his
eyes. "What
is it, Isabel? What is it?" he said tenderly. They
were in their
bedroom in
the new house. Isabel sat on a painted stool before the
dressing-table
that was strewn with little black and green boxes. "What
is what, William?" And she bent forward, and her fine
light hair
fell over
her cheeks. "Ah,
you know!" He stood in the middle of the room and he felt
a stranger.
At that
Isabel wheeled round quickly and faced him. "Oh,
William!" she cried imploringly, and she held up the
hair-brush:
"Please!
Please don't be so dreadfully stuffy and--tragic. You're always
saying or
looking or hinting that I've changed. Just because I've got to
know
really congenial people, and go about more, and am frightfully keen
on--on
everything, you behave as though I'd--" Isabel tossed back
her hair
and
laughed--"killed our love or something. It's so awfully
absurd"--she
bit her
lip--"and it's so maddening, William. Even this new house
and the
servants
you grudge me." "Isabel!" "Yes,
yes, it's true in a way," said Isabel quickly. "You
think they are
another
bad sign. Oh, I know you do. I feel it," she said
softly, "every
time you
come up the stairs. But we couldn't have gone on living in that
other poky
little hole, William. Be practical, at least! Why, there
wasn't
enough room for the babies even." No, it was
true. Every morning when he came back from chambers it was to
find the
babies with Isabel in the back drawing-room. They were having
rides on
the leopard skin thrown over the sofa back, or they were playing
shops with
Isabel's desk for a counter, or Pad was sitting on the hearthrug
rowing
away for dear life with a little brass fire shovel, while Johnny
shot at
pirates with the tongs. Every evening they each had a
pick-a-back
up the
narrow stairs to their fat old Nanny. Yes, he
supposed it was a poky little house. A little white house with
blue
curtains and a window-box of petunias. William met their
friends at
the door
with "Seen our petunias? Pretty terrific for London, don't
you
think?" But the
imbecile thing, the absolutely extraordinary thing was that he
hadn't the
slightest idea that Isabel wasn't as happy as he. God, what
blindness!
He hadn't the remotest notion in those days that she really
hated that
inconvenient little house, that she thought the fat Nanny was
ruining
the babies, that she was desperately lonely, pining for new people
and new
music and pictures and so on. If they hadn't gone to that
studio
party at
Moira Morrison's--if Moira Morrison hadn't said as they were
leaving,
"I'm going to rescue your wife, selfish man. She's like an
exquisite
little Titania"--if Isabel hadn't gone with Moira to Paris--if--
if... The train
stopped at another station. Bettingford. Good heavens!
They'd
be there
in ten minutes. William stuffed that papers back into his
pockets;
the young man opposite had long since disappeared. Now the
other
two got
out. The late afternoon sun shone on women in cotton frocks and
little
sunburnt, barefoot children. It blazed on a silky yellow flower
with
coarse leaves which sprawled over a bank of rock. The air
ruffling
through
the window smelled of the sea. Had Isabel the same crowd with
her
this
week-end, wondered William? And he
remembered the holidays they used to have, the four of them, with a
little
farm girl, Rose, to look after the babies. Isabel wore a jersey
and
her hair
in a plait; she looked about fourteen. Lord! how his nose used
to
peel!
And the amount they ate, and the amount they slept in that immense
feather
bed with their feet locked together...William couldn't help a grim
smile as
he thought of Isabel's horror if she knew the full extent of his
sentimentality. ... "Hillo,
William!" She was at the station after all, standing just
as he
had
imagined, apart from the others, and--William's heart leapt--she was
alone. "Hallo,
Isabel!" William stared. He thought she looked so
beautiful that
he had to
say something, "You look very cool." "Do
I?" said Isabel. "I don't feel very cool. Come
along, your horrid old
train is
late. The taxi's outside." She put her hand lightly
on his arm
as they
passed the ticket collector. "We've all come to meet you,"
she
said.
"But we've left Bobby Kane at the sweet shop, to be called for." "Oh!"
said William. It was all he could say for the moment. There in
the glare waited the taxi, with Bill Hunt and Dennis Green
sprawling
on one side, their hats tilted over their faces, while on the
other,
Moira Morrison, in a bonnet like a huge strawberry, jumped up and
down. "No
ice! No ice! No ice!" she shouted gaily. And Dennis
chimed in from under his hat. "Only to be had from the
fishmonger's." And Bill
Hunt, emerging, added, "With whole fish in it." "Oh,
what a bore!" wailed Isabel. And she explained to William
how they
had been
chasing round the town for ice while she waited for him.
"Simply
everything
is running down the steep cliffs into the sea, beginning with
the
butter." "We
shall have to anoint ourselves with butter," said Dennis.
"May thy
head,
William, lack not ointment." "Look
here," said William, "how are we going to sit? I'd
better get up by
the
driver." "No,
Bobby Kane's by the driver," said Isabel. "You're to
sit between
Moira and
me." The taxi started. "What have you got in
those mysterious
parcels?" "De-cap-it-ated
heads!" said Bill Hunt, shuddering beneath his hat. "Oh,
fruit!" Isabel sounded very pleased. "Wise
William! A melon and a
pineapple.
How too nice!" "No,
wait a bit," said William, smiling. But he really was
anxious. "I
brought
them down for the kiddies." "Oh,
my dear!" Isabel laughed, and slipped her hand through his
arm.
"They'd
be rolling in agonies if they were to eat them. No"--she
patted
his
hand--"you must bring them something next time. I refuse
to part with
my
pineapple." "Cruel
Isabel! Do let me smell it!" said Moira. She flung
her arms across
William
appealingly. "Oh!" The strawberry bonnet fell
forward: she
sounded
quite faint. "A
Lady in Love with a Pineapple," said Dennis, as the taxi drew up
before
a little
shop with a striped blind. Out came Bobby Kane, his arms full
of
little
packets. "I do
hope they'll be good. I've chosen them because of the colours.
There are
some round things which really look too divine. And just look
at
this
nougat," he cried ecstatically, "just look at it!
It's a perfect
little
ballet." But at
that moment the shopman appeared. "Oh, I forgot.
They're none of
them paid
for," said Bobby, looking frightened. Isabel gave the
shopman a
note, and
Bobby was radiant again. "Hallo, William! I'm
sitting by the
driver."
And bareheaded, all in white, with his sleeves rolled up to the
shoulders,
he leapt into his place. "Avanti!" he cried... After tea
the others went off to bathe, while William stayed and made his
peace with
the kiddies. But Johnny and Paddy were asleep, the rose-red
glow had
paled, bats were flying, and still the bathers had not returned.
As William
wandered downstairs, the maid crossed the hall carrying a lamp.
He
followed her into the sitting-room. It was a long room,
coloured
yellow.
On the wall opposite William some one had painted a young man,
over
life-size, with very wobbly legs, offering a wide-eyed daisy to a
young
woman who had one very short arm and one very long, thin one.
Over
the chairs
and sofa there hung strips of black material, covered with big
splashes
like broken eggs, and everywhere one looked there seemed to be an
ash-tray
full of cigarette ends. William sat down in one of the arm-
chairs.
Nowadays, when one felt with one hand down the sides, it wasn't to
come upon
a sheep with three legs or a cow that had lost one horn, or a
very fat
dove out of the Noah's Ark. One fished up yet another little
paper-covered
book of smudged-looking poems...He thought of the wad of
papers in
his pocket, but he was too hungry and tired to read. The door
was open;
sounds came from the kitchen. The servants were talking as if
they were
alone in the house. Suddenly there came a loud screech of
laughter
and an equally loud "Sh!" They had remembered him.
William got
up and
went through the French windows into the garden, and as he stood
there in
the shadow he heard the bathers coming up the sandy road; their
voices
rang through the quiet. "I
think its up to Moira to use her little arts and wiles." A tragic
moan from Moira. "We
ought to have a gramophone for the weekends that played 'The Maid of
the
Mountains.'" "Oh
no! Oh no!" cried Isabel's voice. "That's not
fair to William. Be
nice to
him, my children! He's only staying until to-morrow evening." "Leave
him to me," cried Bobby Kane. "I'm awfully good at
looking after
people." The gate
swung open and shut. William moved on the terrace; they had
seen
him.
"Hallo, William!" And Bobby Kane, flapping his towel,
began to leap
and
pirouette on the parched lawn. "Pity you didn't come,
William. The
water was
divine. And we all went to a little pub afterwards and had sloe
gin." The others
had reached the house. "I say, Isabel," called Bobby,
"would
you like
me to wear my Nijinsky dress to-night?" "No,"
said Isabel, "nobody's going to dress. We're all starving.
William's
starving, too. Come along, mes amis, let's begin with
sardines." "I've
found the sardines," said Moira, and she ran into the hall,
holding a
box high
in the air. "A
Lady with a Box of Sardines," said Dennis gravely. "Well,
William, and how's London?" asked Bill Hunt, drawing the cork
out of
a bottle
of whisky. "Oh,
London's not much changed," answered William. "Good
old London," said Bobby, very hearty, spearing a sardine. But a
moment later William was forgotten. Moira Morrison began
wondering
what
colour one's legs really were under water. "Mine
are the palest, palest mushroom colour." Bill and
Dennis ate enormously. And Isabel filled glasses, and changed
plates,
and found matches, smiling blissfully. At one moment, she said,
"I
do wish,
Bill, you'd paint it." "Paint
what?" said Bill loudly, stuffing his mouth with bread. "Us,"
said Isabel, "round the table. It would be so fascinating
in twenty
years'
time." Bill
screwed up his eyes and chewed. "Light's wrong," he
said rudely, "far
too much
yellow"; and went on eating. And that seemed to charm
Isabel,
too. But after
supper they were all so tired they could do nothing but yawn
until it
was late enough to go to bed... It was not
until William was waiting for his taxi the next afternoon that
he found
himself alone with Isabel. When he brought his suit-case down
into the
hall, Isabel left the others and went over to him. She stooped
down and
picked up the suit-case. "What a weight!" she said,
and she gave
a little
awkward laugh. "Let me carry it! To the gate." "No,
why should you?" said William. "Of course, not.
Give it to me." "Oh,
please, do let me," said Isabel. "I want to,
really." They walked
together
silently. William felt there was nothing to say now. "There,"
said Isabel triumphantly, setting the suit-case down, and she
looked
anxiously along the sandy road. "I hardly seem to have
seen you
this
time," she said breathlessly. "It's so short, isn't
it? I feel
you've
only just come. Next time--" The taxi came into
sight. "I hope
they look
after you properly in London. I'm so sorry the babies have been
out all
day, but Miss Neil had arranged it. They'll hate missing you.
Poor
William, going back to London." The taxi turned.
"Good-bye!" She
gave him a
little hurried kiss; she was gone. Fields,
trees, hedges streamed by. They shook through the empty, blind-
looking
little town, ground up the steep pull to the station. The train
was in. William made straight for a first-class smoker, flung
back into
the corner, but this time he let the papers alone. He folded
his
arms
against the dull, persistent gnawing, and began in his mind to write
a
letter to
Isabel. ... The post
was late as usual. They sat outside the house in long chairs
under
coloured parasols. Only Bobby Kane lay on the turf at Isabel's
feet.
It was
dull, stifling; the day drooped like a flag. "Do
you think there will be Mondays in Heaven?" asked Bobby
childishly. And Dennis
murmured, "Heaven will be one long Monday." But Isabel
couldn't help wondering what had happened to the salmon they had
for supper
last night. She had meant to have fish mayonnaise for lunch and
now... Moira was
asleep. Sleeping was her latest discovery. "It's so
wonderful.
One simply
shuts one's eyes, that's all. It's so delicious." When the
old ruddy postman came beating along the sandy road on his
tricycle
one felt the handle-bars ought to have been oars. Bill Hunt
put down his book. "Letters," he said complacently,
and they all
waited.
But, heartless postman--O malignant world! There was only one,
a
fat one
for Isabel. Not even a paper. "And
mine's only from William," said Isabel mournfully. "From
William--already?" "He's
sending you back your marriage lines as a gentle reminder." "Does
everybody have marriage lines? I thought they were only for
servants." "Pages
and pages! Look at her! A Lady reading a Letter,"
said Dennis. "My
darling, precious Isabel." Pages and pages there were.
As Isabel read
on her
feeling of astonishment changed to a stifled feeling. What on
earth
had
induced William ...? How extraordinary it was...What could have
made
him ...?
She felt confused, more and more excited, even frightened. It
was just
like William. Was it? It was absurd, of course, it must
be
absurd,
ridiculous. "Ha, ha, ha! Oh dear!" What
was she to do? Isabel
flung back
in her chair and laughed till she couldn't stop laughing. "Do,
do tell us," said the others. "You must tell us." "I'm
longing to," gurgled Isabel. She sat up, gathered the
letter, and
waved it
at them. "Gather round," she said. "Listen,
it's too marvellous.
A
love-letter!" "A
love-letter! But how divine!" "Darling,
precious Isabel." But she had
hardly
begun before their laughter interrupted her. "Go
on, Isabel, it's perfect." "It's
the most marvellous find." "Oh,
do go on, Isabel!" "God
forbid, my darling, that I should be a drag on your happiness." "Oh!
oh! oh!" "Sh!
sh! sh!" And Isabel
went on. When she reached the end they were hysterical:
Bobby
rolled on
the turf and almost sobbed. "You
must let me have it just as it is, entire, for my new book,"
said
Dennis
firmly. "I shall give it a whole chapter." "Oh,
Isabel," moaned Moira, "that wonderful bit about holding
you in his
arms!" "I
always thought those letters in divorce cases were made up. But
they
pale
before this." "Let
me hold it. Let me read it, mine own self," said Bobby
Kane. But, to
their surprise, Isabel crushed the letter in her hand. She was
laughing
no longer. She glanced quickly at them all; she looked
exhausted.
"No,
not just now. Not just now," she stammered. And before
they could recover she had run into the house, through the hall,
up the
stairs into her bedroom. Down she sat on the side of the bed.
"How
vile,
odious, abominable, vulgar," muttered Isabel. She pressed
her eyes
with her
knuckles and rocked to and fro. And again she saw them, but not
four, more
like forty, laughing, sneering, jeering, stretching out their
hands
while she read them William's letter. Oh, what a loathsome
thing to
have
done. How could she have done it! "God forbid, my
darling, that I
should be
a drag on your happiness." William! Isabel pressed
her face
into the
pillow. But she felt that even the grave bedroom knew her for
what she
was, shallow, tinkling, vain... Presently
from the garden below there came voices. "Isabel,
we're all going for a bathe. Do come!" "Come,
thou wife of William!" "Call
her once before you go, call once yet!" Isabel sat
up. Now was the moment, now she must decide. Would she go
with
them, or
stay here and write to William. Which, which should it be?
"I
must make
up my mind." Oh, but how could there be any question?
Of course
she would
stay here and write. "Titania!"
piped Moira. "Isa-bel?" No, it was
too difficult. "I'll--I'll go with them, and write to
William
later.
Some other time. Later. Not now. But I shall
certainly write,"
thought
Isabel hurriedly. And,
laughing, in the new way, she ran down the stairs. The Picton
boat was due to leave at half-past eleven. It was a beautiful
night,
mild, starry, only when they got out of the cab and started to walk
down the
Old Wharf that jutted out into the harbour, a faint wind blowing
off the
water ruffled under Fenella's hat, and she put up her hand to keep
it on.
It was dark on the Old Wharf, very dark; the wool sheds, the cattle
trucks,
the cranes standing up so high, the little squat railway engine,
all seemed
carved out of solid darkness. Here and there on a rounded wood-
pile, that
was like the stalk of a huge black mushroom, there hung a
lantern,
but it seemed afraid to unfurl its timid, quivering light in all
that
blackness; it burned softly, as if for itself. Fenella's
father pushed on with quick, nervous strides. Beside him her
grandma
bustled along in her crackling black ulster; they went so fast that
she had
now and again to give an undignified little skip to keep up with
them.
As well as her luggage strapped into a neat sausage, Fenella carried
clasped to
her her grandma's umbrella, and the handle, which was a swan's
head, kept
giving her shoulder a sharp little peck as if it too wanted her
to
hurry...Men, their caps pulled down, their collars turned up, swung
by;
a few
women all muffled scurried along; and one tiny boy, only his little
black arms
and legs showing out of a white woolly shawl, was jerked along
angrily
between his father and mother; he looked like a baby fly that had
fallen
into the cream. Then
suddenly, so suddenly that Fenella and her grandma both leapt, there
sounded
from behind the largest wool shed, that had a trail of smoke
hanging
over it, "Mia-oo-oo-O-O!" "First
whistle," said her father briefly, and at that moment they came
in
sight of
the Picton boat. Lying beside the dark wharf, all strung, all
beaded
with round golden lights, the Picton boat looked as if she was more
ready to
sail among stars than out into the cold sea. People pressed
along
the
gangway. First went her grandma, then her father, then
Fenella. There
was a high
step down on to the deck, and an old sailor in a jersey standing
by gave
her his dry, hard hand. They were there; they stepped out of
the
way of the
hurrying people, and standing under a little iron stairway that
led to the
upper deck they began to say good-bye. "There,
mother, there's your luggage!" said Fenella's father, giving
grandma
another strapped-up sausage. "Thank
you, Frank." "And
you've got your cabin tickets safe?" "Yes,
dear." "And
your other tickets?" Grandma
felt for them inside her glove and showed him the tips. "That's
right." He sounded
stern, but Fenella, eagerly watching him, saw that he looked
tired and
sad. "Mia-oo-oo-O-O!" The second whistle blared
just above
their
heads, and a voice like a cry shouted, "Any more for the
gangway?" "You'll
give my love to father," Fenella saw her father's lips say.
And
her
grandma, very agitated, answered, "Of course I will, dear.
Go now.
You'll be
left. Go now, Frank. Go now." "It's
all right, mother. I've got another three minutes."
To her surprise
Fenella
saw her father take off his hat. He clasped grandma in his arms
and
pressed her to him. "God bless you, mother!" she
heard him say. And
grandma put her hand, with the black thread glove that was worn
through
on her
ring finger, against his cheek, and she sobbed, "God bless you,
my
own brave
son!" This was
so awful that Fenella quickly turned her back on them, swallowed
once,
twice, and frowned terribly at a little green star on a mast head.
But she
had to turn round again; her father was going. "Good-bye,
Fenella. Be a good girl." His cold, wet moustache
brushed her
cheek.
But Fenella caught hold of the lapels of his coat. "How
long am I going to stay?" she whispered anxiously. He
wouldn't look
at her.
He shook her off gently, and gently said, "We'll see about that.
Here!
Where's your hand?" He pressed something into her palm.
"Here's a
shilling
in case you should need it." A
shilling! She must be going away for ever! "Father!"
cried Fenella.
But he was
gone. He was the last off the ship. The sailors put their
shoulders
to the gangway. A huge coil of dark rope went flying through
the
air and
fell "thump" on the wharf. A bell rang; a whistle
shrilled.
Silently
the dark wharf began to slip, to slide, to edge away from them.
Now there
was a rush of water between. Fenella strained to see with all
her
might. "Was that father turning round?"--or
waving?--or standing
alone?--or
walking off by himself? The strip of water grew broader,
darker.
Now the Picton boat began to swing round steady, pointing out to
sea.
It was no good looking any longer. There was nothing to be seen
but
a few
lights, the face of the town clock hanging in the air, and more
lights,
little patches of them, on the dark hills. The
freshening wind tugged at Fenella's skirts; she went back to her
grandma.
To her relief grandma seemed no longer sad. She had put the two
sausages
of luggage one on top of the other, and she was sitting on them,
her hands
folded, her head a little on one side. There was an intent,
bright
look on her face. Then Fenella saw that her lips were moving
and
guessed
that she was praying. But the old woman gave her a bright nod
as
if to say
the prayer was nearly over. She unclasped her hands, sighed,
clasped
them again, bent forward, and at last gave herself a soft shake. "And
now, child," she said, fingering the bow of her bonnet-strings,
"I
think we
ought to see about our cabins. Keep close to me, and mind you
don't
slip." "Yes,
grandma!" "And
be careful the umbrellas aren't caught in the stair rail. I saw
a
beautiful
umbrella broken in half like that on my way over." "Yes,
grandma." Dark
figures of men lounged against the rails. In the glow of their
pipes
a nose
shone out, or the peak of a cap, or a pair of surprised-looking
eyebrows.
Fenella glanced up. High in the air, a little figure, his hands
thrust in
his short jacket pockets, stood staring out to sea. The ship
rocked
ever so little, and she thought the stars rocked too. And now a
pale
steward in a linen coat, holding a tray high in the palm of his hand,
stepped
out of a lighted doorway and skimmed past them. They went
through
that
doorway. Carefully over the high brass-bound step on to the
rubber
mat and
then down such a terribly steep flight of stairs that grandma had
to put
both feet on each step, and Fenella clutched the clammy brass rail
and forgot
all about the swan-necked umbrella. At the
bottom grandma stopped; Fenella was rather afraid she was going to
pray
again. But no, it was only to get out the cabin tickets.
They were
in the
saloon. It was glaring bright and stifling; the air smelled of
paint and
burnt chop-bones and indiarubber. Fenella wished her grandma
would go
on, but the old woman was not to be hurried. An immense basket
of
ham
sandwiches caught her eye. She went up to them and touched the
top one
delicately
with her finger. "How
much are the sandwiches?" she asked. "Tuppence!"
bawled a rude steward, slamming down a knife and fork. Grandma
could hardly believe it. "Twopence
each?" she asked. "That's
right," said the steward, and he winked at his companion. Grandma
made a small, astonished face. Then she whispered primly to
Fenella.
"What wickedness!" And they sailed out at the further
door and
along a
passage that had cabins on either side. Such a very nice
stewardess
came to meet them. She was dressed all in blue, and her collar
and cuffs
were fastened with large brass buttons. She seemed to know
grandma
well. "Well,
Mrs. Crane," said she, unlocking their washstand. "We've
got you
back
again. It's not often you give yourself a cabin." "No,"
said grandma. "But this time my dear son's
thoughtfulness--" "I
hope--" began the stewardess. Then she turned round and
took a long,
mournful
look at grandma's blackness and at Fenella's black coat and skirt,
black
blouse, and hat with a crape rose. Grandma
nodded. "It was God's will," said she. The
stewardess shut her lips and, taking a deep breath, she seemed to
expand. "What
I always say is," she said, as though it was her own discovery,
"sooner
or later each of us has to go, and that's a certingty."
She
paused.
"Now, can I bring you anything, Mrs Crane? A cup of tea?
I know
it's no
good offering you a little something to keep the cold out." Grandma
shook her head. "Nothing, thank you. We've got a few
wine
biscuits,
and Fenella has a very nice banana." "Then
I'll give you a look later on," said the stewardess, and she
went
out,
shutting the door. What a
very small cabin it was! It was like being shut up in a box
with
grandma.
The dark round eye above the washstand gleamed at them dully.
Fenella
felt shy. She stood against the door, still clasping her
luggage
and the
umbrella. Were they going to get undressed in here?
Already her
grandma
had taken off her bonnet, and, rolling up the strings, she fixed
each with
a pin to the lining before she hung the bonnet up. Her white
hair shone
like silk; the little bun at the back was covered with a black
net.
Fenella hardly ever saw her grandma with her head uncovered; she
looked
strange. "I
shall put on the woollen fascinator your dear mother crocheted for
me,"
said
grandma, and, unstrapping the sausage, she took it out and wound it
round her
head; the fringe of grey bobbles danced at her eyebrows as she
smiled
tenderly and mournfully at Fenella. Then she undid her bodice,
and
something
under that, and something else underneath that. Then there
seemed a
short, sharp tussle, and grandma flushed faintly. Snip!
Snap!
She had
undone her stays. She breathed a sigh of relief, and sitting on
the plush
couch, she slowly and carefully pulled off her elastic-sided
boots and
stood them side by side. By the
time Fenella had taken off her coat and skirt and put on her flannel
dressing-gown
grandma was quite ready. "Must
I take off my boots, grandma? They're lace." Grandma
gave them a moment's deep consideration. "You'd feel a
great deal
more
comfortable if you did, child," said she. She kissed
Fenella. "Don't
forget to
say your prayers. Our dear Lord is with us when we are at sea
even more
than when we are on dry land. And because I am an experienced
traveller,"
said grandma briskly, "I shall take the upper berth." "But,
grandma, however will you get up there?" Three
little spider-like steps were all Fenella saw. The old woman
gave a
small
silent laugh before she mounted them nimbly, and she peered over the
high bunk
at the astonished Fenella. "You
didn't think your grandma could do that, did you?" said she.
And as
she sank
back Fenella heard her light laugh again. The hard
square of brown soap would not lather, and the water in the bottle
was like a
kind of blue jelly. How hard it was, too, to turn down those
stiff
sheets; you simply had to tear your way in. If everything had
been
different,
Fenella might have got the giggles...At last she was inside, and
while she
lay there panting, there sounded from above a long, soft
whispering,
as though some one was gently, gently rustling among tissue
paper to
find something. It was grandma saying her prayers... A long
time passed. Then the stewardess came in; she trod softly and
leaned her
hand on grandma's bunk. "We're
just entering the Straits," she said. "Oh!" "It's
a fine night, but we're rather empty. We may pitch a little." And indeed
at that moment the Picton Boat rose and rose and hung in the air
just long
enough to give a shiver before she swung down again, and there
was the
sound of heavy water slapping against her sides. Fenella
remembered
she had left the swan-necked umbrella standing up on the little
couch.
If it fell over, would it break? But grandma remembered too, at
the same
time. "I
wonder if you'd mind, stewardess, laying down my umbrella," she
whispered. "Not
at all, Mrs. Crane." And the stewardess, coming back to
grandma,
breathed,
"Your little granddaughter's in such a beautiful sleep." "God
be praised for that!" said grandma. "Poor
little motherless mite!" said the stewardess. And grandma
was still
telling
the stewardess all about what happened when Fenella fell asleep. But she
hadn't been asleep long enough to dream before she woke up again to
see
something waving in the air above her head. What was it?
What could
it be?
It was a small grey foot. Now another joined it. They
seemed to
be feeling
about for something; there came a sigh. "I'm
awake, grandma," said Fenella. "Oh,
dear, am I near the ladder?" asked grandma. "I
thought it was this
end." "No,
grandma, it's the other. I'll put your foot on it. Are we
there?"
asked
Fenella. "In
the harbour," said grandma. "We must get up, child.
You'd better have
a biscuit
to steady yourself before you move." But
Fenella had hopped out of her bunk. The lamp was still burning,
but
night was
over, and it was cold. Peering through that round eye she could
see far
off some rocks. Now they were scattered over with foam; now a
gull
flipped
by; and now there came a long piece of real land. "It's
land, grandma," said Fenella, wonderingly, as though they had
been at
sea for
weeks together. She hugged herself; she stood on one leg and
rubbed it
with the toes of the other foot; she was trembling. Oh, it had
all been
so sad lately. Was it going to change? But all her
grandma said
was, "Make
haste, child. I should leave your nice banana for the
stewardess
as you haven't eaten it." And Fenella put on her black
clothes
again and
a button sprang off one of her gloves and rolled to where she
couldn't
reach it. They went up on deck. But if it
had been cold in the cabin, on deck it was like ice. The sun
was
not up
yet, but the stars were dim, and the cold pale sky was the same
colour as
the cold pale sea. On the land a white mist rose and fell.
Now
they could
see quite plainly dark bush. Even the shapes of the umbrella
ferns
showed, and those strange silvery withered trees that are like
skeletons...Now
they could see the landing-stage and some little houses,
pale too,
clustered together, like shells on the lid of a box. The other
passengers
tramped up and down, but more slowly than they had the night
before,
and they looked gloomy. And now
the landing-stage came out to meet them. Slowly it swam towards
the Picton
boat, and a man holding a coil of rope, and a cart with a small
drooping
horse and another man sitting on the step, came too. "It's
Mr. Penreddy, Fenella, come for us," said grandma. She
sounded
pleased.
Her white waxen cheeks were blue with cold, her chin trembled,
and she
had to keep wiping her eyes and her little pink nose. "You've
got my--"
"Yes,
grandma." Fenella showed it to her. The rope
came flying through the air, and "smack" it fell on to the
deck.
The
gangway was lowered. Again Fenella followed her grandma on to
the
wharf over
to the little cart, and a moment later they were bowling away.
The hooves
of the little horse drummed over the wooden piles, then sank
softly
into the sandy road. Not a soul was to be seen; there was not
even
a feather
of smoke. The mist rose and fell and the sea still sounded
asleep as
slowly it turned on the beach. "I
seen Mr. Crane yestiddy," said Mr. Penreddy. "He
looked himself then.
Missus
knocked him up a batch of scones last week." And now
the little horse pulled up before one of the shell-like houses.
They got
down. Fenella put her hand on the gate, and the big, trembling
dew-drops
soaked through her glove-tips. Up a little path of round white
pebbles
they went, with drenched sleeping flowers on either side.
Grandma's
delicate white picotees were so heavy with dew that they were
fallen,
but their sweet smell was part of the cold morning. The blinds
were down
in the little house; they mounted the steps on to the veranda.
A
pair of
old bluchers was on one side of the door, and a large red watering-
can on the
other. "Tut!
tut! Your grandpa," said grandma. She turned the
handle. Not a
sound.
She called, "Walter!" And immediately a deep voice
that sounded
half
stifled called back, "Is that you, Mary?" "Wait,
dear," said grandma. "Go in there." She
pushed Fenella gently into
a small
dusky sitting-room. On the
table a white cat, that had been folded up like a camel, rose,
stretched
itself, yawned, and then sprang on to the tips of its toes.
Fenella
buried one cold little hand in the white, warm fur, and smiled
timidly
while she stroked and listened to grandma's gentle voice and the
rolling
tones of grandpa. A door
creaked. "Come in, dear." The old woman
beckoned, Fenella
followed.
There, lying to one side on an immense bed, lay grandpa. Just
his head
with a white tuft and his rosy face and long silver beard showed
over the
quilt. He was like a very old wide-awake bird. "Well,
my girl!" said grandpa. "Give us a kiss!"
Fenella kissed him.
"Ugh!"
said grandpa. "Her little nose is as cold as a button.
What's that
she's
holding? Her grandma's umbrella?" Fenella
smiled again, and crooked the swan neck over the bed-rail.
Above
the bed
there was a big text in a deep black frame:-- "Lost!
One Golden Hour
Set
with Sixty Diamond Minutes.
No
Reward Is Offered
For
It Is Gone For Ever!" "Yer
grandma painted that," said grandpa. And he ruffled his
white tuft
and looked
at Fenella so merrily she almost thought he winked at her. Although
it was so brilliantly fine--the blue sky powdered with gold and
great
spots of light like white wine splashed over the Jardins Publiques--
Miss Brill
was glad that she had decided on her fur. The air was
motionless,
but when you opened your mouth there was just a faint chill,
like a
chill from a glass of iced water before you sip, and now and again a
leaf came
drifting--from nowhere, from the sky. Miss Brill put up her
hand
and
touched her fur. Dear little thing! It was nice to feel
it again.
She had
taken it out of its box that afternoon, shaken out the moth-powder,
given it a
good brush, and rubbed the life back into the dim little eyes.
"What
has been happening to me?" said the sad little eyes. Oh,
how sweet
it was to
see them snap at her again from the red eiderdown!...But the
nose,
which was of some black composition, wasn't at all firm. It
must
have had a
knock, somehow. Never mind--a little dab of black sealing-wax
when the
time came--when it was absolutely necessary...Little rogue!
Yes,
she really
felt like that about it. Little rogue biting its tail just by
her left
ear. She could have taken it off and laid it on her lap and
stroked
it. She felt a tingling in her hands and arms, but that came
from
walking,
she supposed. And when she breathed, something light and
sad--no,
not sad,
exactly--something gentle seemed to move in her bosom. There were
a number of people out this afternoon, far more than last
Sunday.
And the band sounded louder and gayer. That was because the
Season had
begun. For although the band played all the year round on
Sundays,
out of season it was never the same. It was like some one
playing
with only
the family to listen; it didn't care how it played if there
weren't
any strangers present. Wasn't the conductor wearing a new coat,
too?
She was sure it was new. He scraped with his foot and flapped
his
arms like
a rooster about to crow, and the bandsmen sitting in the green
rotunda
blew out their cheeks and glared at the music. Now there came a
little
"flutey" bit--very pretty!--a little chain of bright
drops. She was
sure it
would be repeated. It was; she lifted her head and smiled. Only two
people shared her "special" seat: a fine old man in a
velvet
coat, his
hands clasped over a huge carved walking-stick, and a big old
woman,
sitting upright, with a roll of knitting on her embroidered apron.
They did
not speak. This was disappointing, for Miss Brill always looked
forward to
the conversation. She had become really quite expert, she
thought,
at listening as though she didn't listen, at sitting in other
people's
lives just for a minute while they talked round her. She
glanced, sideways, at the old couple. Perhaps they would go
soon.
Last
Sunday, too, hadn't been as interesting as usual. An Englishman
and
his wife,
he wearing a dreadful Panama hat and she button boots. And
she'd
gone on
the whole time about how she ought to wear spectacles; she knew she
needed
them; but that it was no good getting any; they'd be sure to break
and they'd
never keep on. And he'd been so patient. He'd suggested
everything--gold
rims, the kind that curved round your ears, little pads
inside the
bridge. No, nothing would please her. "They'll
always be
sliding
down my nose!" Miss Brill had wanted to shake her. The old
people sat on the bench, still as statues. Never mind, there
was
always the
crowd to watch. To and fro, in front of the flower-beds and the
band
rotunda, the couples and groups paraded, stopped to talk, to greet,
to
buy a
handful of flowers from the old beggar who had his tray fixed to the
railings.
Little children ran among them, swooping and laughing; little
boys with
big white silk bows under their chins, little girls, little
French
dolls, dressed up in velvet and lace. And sometimes a tiny
staggerer
came suddenly rocking into the open from under the trees,
stopped,
stared, as suddenly sat down "flop," until its small
high-stepping
mother,
like a young hen, rushed scolding to its rescue. Other people
sat
on the
benches and green chairs, but they were nearly always the same,
Sunday
after Sunday, and--Miss Brill had often noticed--there was something
funny
about nearly all of them. They were odd, silent, nearly all
old, and
from the
way they stared they looked as though they'd just come from dark
little
rooms or even--even cupboards! Behind the
rotunda the slender trees with yellow leaves down drooping, and
through
them just a line of sea, and beyond the blue sky with gold-veined
clouds. Tum-tum-tum
tiddle-um! tiddle-um! tum tiddley-um tum ta! blew the band. Two young
girls in red came by and two young soldiers in blue met them, and
they
laughed and paired and went off arm-in-arm. Two peasant women
with
funny
straw hats passed, gravely, leading beautiful smoke-coloured donkeys.
A cold,
pale nun hurried by. A beautiful woman came along and dropped
her
bunch of
violets, and a little boy ran after to hand them to her, and she
took them
and threw them away as if they'd been poisoned. Dear me!
Miss
Brill
didn't know whether to admire that or not! And now an ermine
toque
and a
gentleman in grey met just in front of her. He was tall, stiff,
dignified,
and she was wearing the ermine toque she'd bought when her hair
was
yellow. Now everything, her hair, her face, even her eyes, was
the
same
colour as the shabby ermine, and her hand, in its cleaned glove,
lifted to
dab her lips, was a tiny yellowish paw. Oh, she was so pleased
to see
him--delighted! She rather thought they were going to meet that
afternoon.
She described where she'd been--everywhere, here, there, along
by the
sea. The day was so charming--didn't he agree? And
wouldn't he,
perhaps?...But
he shook his head, lighted a cigarette, slowly breathed a
great deep
puff into her face, and even while she was still talking and
laughing,
flicked the match away and walked on. The ermine toque was
alone; she
smiled more brightly than ever. But even the band seemed to
know what
she was feeling and played more softly, played tenderly, and the
drum beat,
"The Brute! The Brute!" over and over. What
would she do?
What was
going to happen now? But as Miss Brill wondered, the ermine
toque
turned,
raised her hand as though she'd seen some one else, much nicer,
just over
there, and pattered away. And the band changed again and played
more
quickly, more gayly than ever, and the old couple on Miss Brill's
seat
got up and
marched away, and such a funny old man with long whiskers
hobbled
along in time to the music and was nearly knocked over by four
girls
walking abreast. Oh, how
fascinating it was! How she enjoyed it! How she loved
sitting
here,
watching it all! It was like a play. It was exactly like
a play.
Who could
believe the sky at the back wasn't painted? But it wasn't till
a
little
brown dog trotted on solemn and then slowly trotted off, like a
little
"theatre" dog, a little dog that had been drugged, that
Miss Brill
discovered
what it was that made it so exciting. They were all on the
stage.
They weren't only the audience, not only looking on; they were
acting.
Even she had a part and came every Sunday. No doubt somebody
would have
noticed if she hadn't been there; she was part of the
performance
after all. How strange she'd never thought of it like that
before!
And yet it explained why she made such a point of starting from
home at
just the same time each week--so as not to be late for the
performance--and
it also explained why she had quite a queer, shy feeling
at telling
her English pupils how she spent her Sunday afternoons. No
wonder!
Miss Brill nearly laughed out loud. She was on the stage.
She
thought of
the old invalid gentleman to whom she read the newspaper four
afternoons
a week while he slept in the garden. She had got quite used to
the frail
head on the cotton pillow, the hollowed eyes, the open mouth and
the high
pinched nose. If he'd been dead she mightn't have noticed for
weeks; she
wouldn't have minded. But suddenly he knew he was having the
paper read
to him by an actress! "An actress!" The old
head lifted; two
points of
light quivered in the old eyes. "An actress--are ye?"
And Miss
Brill
smoothed the newspaper as though it were the manuscript of her part
and said
gently; "Yes, I have been an actress for a long time." The band
had been having a rest. Now they started again. And what
they
played was
warm, sunny, yet there was just a faint chill--a something, what
was
it?--not sadness--no, not sadness--a something that made you want to
sing.
The tune lifted, lifted, the light shone; and it seemed to Miss
Brill that
in another moment all of them, all the whole company, would
begin
singing. The young ones, the laughing ones who were moving
together,
they would
begin, and the men's voices, very resolute and brave, would join
them.
And then she too, she too, and the others on the benches--they would
come in
with a kind of accompaniment--something low, that scarcely rose or
fell,
something so beautiful--moving...And Miss Brill's eyes filled with
tears and
she looked smiling at all the other members of the company.
Yes,
we
understand, we understand, she thought--though what they understood
she
didn't
know. Just at
that moment a boy and girl came and sat down where the old couple
had been.
They were beautifully dressed; they were in love. The hero and
heroine,
of course, just arrived from his father's yacht. And still
soundlessly
singing, still with that trembling smile, Miss Brill prepared
to listen. "No,
not now," said the girl. "Not here, I can't." "But
why? Because of that stupid old thing at the end there?"
asked the
boy.
"Why does she come here at all--who wants her? Why doesn't
she keep
her silly
old mug at home?" "It's
her fu-ur which is so funny," giggled the girl. "It's
exactly like a
fried
whiting." "Ah,
be off with you!" said the boy in an angry whisper. Then:
"Tell me,
ma petite
chere--" "No,
not here," said the girl. "Not yet." ...
On her way
home she usually bought a slice of honey-cake at the baker's.
It was her
Sunday treat. Sometimes there was an almond in her slice,
sometimes
not. It made a great difference. If there was an almond
it was
like
carrying home a tiny present--a surprise--something that might very
well not
have been there. She hurried on the almond Sundays and struck
the
match for
the kettle in quite a dashing way. But to-day
she passed the baker's by, climbed the stairs, went into the
little
dark room--her room like a cupboard--and sat down on the red
eiderdown.
She sat there for a long time. The box that the fur came out
of was on
the bed. She unclasped the necklet quickly; quickly, without
looking,
laid it inside. But when she put the lid on she thought she
heard
something
crying. Exactly
when the ball began Leila would have found it hard to say.
Perhaps
her first
real partner was the cab. It did not matter that she shared the
cab with
the Sheridan girls and their brother. She sat back in her own
little
corner of it, and the bolster on which her hand rested felt like the
sleeve of
an unknown young man's dress suit; and away they bowled, past
waltzing
lamp-posts and houses and fences and trees. "Have
you really never been to a ball before, Leila? But, my child,
how
too
weird--" cried the Sheridan girls. "Our
nearest neighbour was fifteen miles," said Leila softly, gently
opening
and shutting her fan. Oh dear,
how hard it was to be indifferent like the others! She tried
not
to smile
too much; she tried not to care. But every single thing was so
new and
exciting ...Meg's tuberoses, Jose's long loop of amber, Laura's
little
dark head, pushing above her white fur like a flower through snow.
She would
remember for ever. It even gave her a pang to see her cousin
Laurie
throw away the wisps of tissue paper he pulled from the fastenings
of his new
gloves. She would like to have kept those wisps as a keepsake,
as a
remembrance. Laurie leaned forward and put his hand on Laura's
knee. "Look
here, darling," he said. "The third and the ninth as
usual. Twig?" Oh, how
marvellous to have a brother! In her excitement Leila felt that
if
there had
been time, if it hadn't been impossible, she couldn't have helped
crying
because she was an only child, and no brother had ever said "Twig?"
to her; no
sister would ever say, as Meg said to Jose that moment, "I've
never
known your hair go up more successfully than it has to-night!" But, of
course, there was no time. They were at the drill hall already;
there were
cabs in front of them and cabs behind. The road was bright on
either
side with moving fan-like lights, and on the pavement gay couples
seemed to
float through the air; little satin shoes chased each other like
birds. "Hold
on to me, Leila; you'll get lost," said Laura. "Come
on, girls, let's make a dash for it," said Laurie. Leila put
two fingers on Laura's pink velvet cloak, and they were somehow
lifted
past the big golden lantern, carried along the passage, and pushed
into the
little room marked "Ladies." Here the crowd was so
great there
was hardly
space to take off their things; the noise was deafening. Two
benches on
either side were stacked high with wraps. Two old women in
white
aprons ran up and down tossing fresh armfuls. And everybody was
pressing
forward trying to get at the little dressing-table and mirror at
the far
end. A great
quivering jet of gas lighted the ladies' room. It couldn't
wait;
it was
dancing already. When the door opened again and there came a
burst
of tuning
from the drill hall, it leaped almost to the ceiling. Dark
girls, fair girls were patting their hair, tying ribbons again,
tucking
handkerchiefs down the fronts of their bodices, smoothing marble-
white
gloves. And because they were all laughing it seemed to Leila
that
they were
all lovely. "Aren't
there any invisible hair-pins?" cried a voice. "How
most
extraordinary!
I can't see a single invisible hair-pin." "Powder
my back, there's a darling," cried some one else. "But
I must have a needle and cotton. I've torn simply miles and
miles of
the
frill," wailed a third. Then,
"Pass them along, pass them along!" The straw basket
of programmes
was tossed
from arm to arm. Darling little pink-and-silver programmes,
with pink
pencils and fluffy tassels. Leila's fingers shook as she took
one out of
the basket. She wanted to ask some one, "Am I meant to
have one
too?"
but she had just time to read: "Waltz 3. 'Two, Two
in a Canoe.'
Polka 4.
'Making the Feathers Fly,'" when Meg cried, "Ready, Leila?"
and
they
pressed their way through the crush in the passage towards the big
double
doors of the drill hall. Dancing
had not begun yet, but the band had stopped tuning, and the noise
was so
great it seemed that when it did begin to play it would never be
heard.
Leila, pressing close to Meg, looking over Meg's shoulder, felt
that even
the little quivering coloured flags strung across the ceiling
were
talking. She quite forgot to be shy; she forgot how in the
middle of
dressing
she had sat down on the bed with one shoe off and one shoe on and
begged her
mother to ring up her cousins and say she couldn't go after all.
And the
rush of longing she had had to be sitting on the veranda of their
forsaken
up-country home, listening to the baby owls crying "More pork"
in
the
moonlight, was changed to a rush of joy so sweet that it was hard to
bear
alone. She clutched her fan, and, gazing at the gleaming,
golden
floor, the
azaleas, the lanterns, the stage at one end with its red carpet
and gilt
chairs and the band in a corner, she thought breathlessly, "How
heavenly;
how simply heavenly!" All the
girls stood grouped together at one side of the doors, the men at
the other,
and the chaperones in dark dresses, smiling rather foolishly,
walked
with little careful steps over the polished floor towards the stage. "This
is my little country cousin Leila. Be nice to her. Find
her
partners;
she's under my wing," said Meg, going up to one girl after
another. Strange
faces smiled at Leila--sweetly, vaguely. Strange voices
answered,
"Of
course, my dear." But Leila felt the girls didn't really
see her.
They were
looking towards the men. Why didn't the men begin? What
were
they
waiting for? There they stood, smoothing their gloves, patting
their
glossy
hair and smiling among themselves. Then, quite suddenly, as if
they
had only
just made up their minds that that was what they had to do, the
men came
gliding over the parquet. There was a joyful flutter among the
girls.
A tall, fair man flew up to Meg, seized her programme, scribbled
something;
Meg passed him on to Leila. "May I have the pleasure?"
He
ducked and
smiled. There came a dark man wearing an eyeglass, then cousin
Laurie
with a friend, and Laura with a little freckled fellow whose tie was
crooked.
Then quite an old man--fat, with a big bald patch on his head--
took her
programme and murmured, "Let me see, let me see!" And
he was a
long time
comparing his programme, which looked black with names, with
hers.
It seemed to give him so much trouble that Leila was ashamed.
"Oh,
please
don't bother," she said eagerly. But instead of replying
the fat
man wrote
something, glanced at her again. "Do I remember this
bright
little
face?" he said softly. "Is it known to me of yore?"
At that moment
the band
began playing; the fat man disappeared. He was tossed away on a
great wave
of music that came flying over the gleaming floor, breaking the
groups up
into couples, scattering them, sending them spinning... Leila had
learned to dance at boarding school. Every Saturday afternoon
the
boarders were hurried off to a little corrugated iron mission hall
where Miss
Eccles (of London) held her "select" classes. But the
difference
between that dusty-smelling hall--with calico texts on the
walls, the
poor terrified little woman in a brown velvet toque with
rabbit's
ears thumping the cold piano, Miss Eccles poking the girls' feet
with her
long white wand--and this was so tremendous that Leila was sure if
her
partner didn't come and she had to listen to that marvellous music
and
to watch
the others sliding, gliding over the golden floor, she would die
at least,
or faint, or lift her arms and fly out of one of those dark
windows
that showed the stars. "Ours,
I think--" Some one bowed, smiled, and offered her his
arm; she
hadn't to
die after all. Some one's hand pressed her waist, and she
floated
away like a flower that is tossed into a pool. "Quite
a good floor, isn't it?" drawled a faint voice close to her ear. "I
think it's most beautifully slippery," said Leila. "Pardon!"
The faint voice sounded surprised. Leila said it again.
And
there was
a tiny pause before the voice echoed, "Oh, quite!" and she
was
swung
round again. He steered
so beautifully. That was the great difference between dancing
with girls
and men, Leila decided. Girls banged into each other, and
stamped on
each other's feet; the girl who was gentleman always clutched
you so. The
azaleas were separate flowers no longer; they were pink and white
flags
streaming
by. "Were
you at the Bells' last week?" the voice came again. It
sounded
tired.
Leila wondered whether she ought to ask him if he would like to
stop. "No,
this is my first dance," said she. Her
partner gave a little gasping laugh. "Oh, I say," he
protested. "Yes,
it is really the first dance I've ever been to." Leila was
most
fervent.
It was such a relief to be able to tell somebody. "You
see, I've
lived in
the country all my life up till now..." At that
moment the music stopped, and they went to sit on two chairs
against
the wall. Leila tucked her pink satin feet under and fanned
herself,
while she blissfully watched the other couples passing and
disappearing
through the swing doors. "Enjoying
yourself, Leila?" asked Jose, nodding her golden head. Laura
passed and gave her the faintest little wink; it made Leila wonder
for a
moment whether she was quite grown up after all. Certainly her
partner
did not say very much. He coughed, tucked his handkerchief
away,
pulled
down his waistcoat, took a minute thread off his sleeve. But it
didn't
matter. Almost immediately the band started and her second
partner
seemed to
spring from the ceiling. "Floor's
not bad," said the new voice. Did one always begin with
the
floor?
And then, "Were you at the Neaves' on Tuesday?" And
again Leila
explained.
Perhaps it was a little strange that her partners were not more
interested.
For it was thrilling. Her first ball! She was only at the
beginning
of everything. It seemed to her that she had never known what
the night
was like before. Up till now it had been dark, silent,
beautiful
very
often--oh yes--but mournful somehow. Solemn. And now it
would never
be like
that again--it had opened dazzling bright. "Care
for an ice?" said her partner. And they went through the
swing
doors,
down the passage, to the supper room. Her cheeks burned, she
was
fearfully
thirsty. How sweet the ices looked on little glass plates and
how cold
the frosted spoon was, iced too! And when they came back to the
hall there
was the fat man waiting for her by the door. It gave her quite
a shock
again to see how old he was; he ought to have been on the stage
with the
fathers and mothers. And when Leila compared him with her other
partners
he looked shabby. His waistcoat was creased, there was a button
off his
glove, his coat looked as if it was dusty with French chalk. "Come
along, little lady," said the fat man. He scarcely
troubled to clasp
her, and
they moved away so gently, it was more like walking than dancing.
But he
said not a word about the floor. "Your first dance, isn't
it?" he
murmured. "How
did you know?" "Ah,"
said the fat man, "that's what it is to be old!" He
wheezed faintly
as he
steered her past an awkward couple. "You see, I've been
doing this
kind of
thing for the last thirty years." "Thirty
years?" cried Leila. Twelve years before she was born! "It
hardly bears thinking about, does it?" said the fat man
gloomily.
Leila
looked at his bald head, and she felt quite sorry for him. "I
think it's marvellous to be still going on," she said kindly. "Kind
little lady," said the fat man, and he pressed her a little
closer,
and hummed
a bar of the waltz. "Of course," he said, "you
can't hope to
last
anything like as long as that. No-o," said the fat man,
"long before
that
you'll be sitting up there on the stage, looking on, in your nice
black
velvet. And these pretty arms will have turned into little
short fat
ones, and
you'll beat time with such a different kind of fan--a black bony
one."
The fat man seemed to shudder. "And you'll smile away like
the poor
old dears
up there, and point to your daughter, and tell the elderly lady
next to
you how some dreadful man tried to kiss her at the club ball.
And
your heart
will ache, ache"--the fat man squeezed her closer still, as if
he really
was sorry for that poor heart--"because no one wants to kiss you
now.
And you'll say how unpleasant these polished floors are to walk on,
how
dangerous they are. Eh, Mademoiselle Twinkletoes?" said
the fat man
softly. Leila gave
a light little laugh, but she did not feel like laughing. Was
it--could
it all be true? It sounded terribly true. Was this first
ball
only the
beginning of her last ball, after all? At that the music seemed
to change;
it sounded sad, sad; it rose upon a great sigh. Oh, how quickly
things
changed! Why didn't happiness last for ever? For ever
wasn't a bit
too long. "I
want to stop," she said in a breathless voice. The fat man
led her to
the door. "No,"
she said, "I won't go outside. I won't sit down.
I'll just stand
here,
thank you." She leaned against the wall, tapping with her
foot,
pulling up
her gloves and trying to smile. But deep inside her a little
girl threw
her pinafore over her head and sobbed. Why had he spoiled it
all? "I
say, you know," said the fat man, "you mustn't take me
seriously, little
lady." "As
if I should!" said Leila, tossing her small dark head and
sucking her
underlip... Again the
couples paraded. The swing doors opened and shut. Now new
music
was given
out by the bandmaster. But Leila didn't want to dance any more.
She wanted
to be home, or sitting on the veranda listening to those baby
owls.
When she looked through the dark windows at the stars, they had long
beams like
wings... But
presently a soft, melting, ravishing tune began, and a young man with
curly hair
bowed before her. She would have to dance, out of politeness,
until she
could find Meg. Very stiffly she walked into the middle; very
haughtily
she put her hand on his sleeve. But in one minute, in one turn,
her feet
glided, glided. The lights, the azaleas, the dresses, the pink
faces, the
velvet chairs, all became one beautiful flying wheel. And when
her next
partner bumped her into the fat man and he said, "Pardon,"
she
smiled at
him more radiantly than ever. She didn't even recognise him
again. With
despair--cold, sharp despair--buried deep in her heart like a wicked
knife,
Miss Meadows, in cap and gown and carrying a little baton, trod the
cold
corridors that led to the music hall. Girls of all ages, rosy
from
the air,
and bubbling over with that gleeful excitement that comes from
running to
school on a fine autumn morning, hurried, skipped, fluttered by;
from the
hollow class-rooms came a quick drumming of voices; a bell rang; a
voice like
a bird cried, "Muriel." And then there came from the
staircase
a
tremendous knock-knock-knocking. Some one had dropped her
dumbbells. The
Science Mistress stopped Miss Meadows. "Good
mor-ning," she cried, in her sweet, affected drawl. "Isn't
it cold?
It might
be win-ter." Miss
Meadows, hugging the knife, stared in hatred at the Science Mistress.
Everything
about her was sweet, pale, like honey. You wold not have been
surprised
to see a bee caught in the tangles of that yellow hair. "It
is rather sharp," said Miss Meadows, grimly. The other
smiled her sugary smile. "You
look fro-zen," said she. Her blue eyes opened wide; there
came a
mocking
light in them. (Had she noticed anything?) "Oh,
not quite as bad as that," said Miss Meadows, and she gave the
Science
Mistress,
in exchange for her smile, a quick grimace and passed on... Forms
Four, Five, and Six were assembled in the music hall. The noise
was
deafening.
On the platform, by the piano, stood Mary Beazley, Miss
Meadows'
favourite, who played accompaniments. She was turning the music
stool.
When she saw Miss Meadows she gave a loud, warning "Sh-sh!
girls!"
and Miss
Meadows, her hands thrust in her sleeves, the baton under her arm,
strode
down the centre aisle, mounted the steps, turned sharply, seized the
brass
music stand, planted it in front of her, and gave two sharp taps with
her baton
for silence. "Silence,
please! Immediately!" and, looking at nobody, her glance
swept
over that
sea of coloured flannel blouses, with bobbing pink faces and
hands,
quivering butterfly hair-bows, and music-books outspread. She
knew
perfectly
well what they were thinking. "Meady is in a wax."
Well, let
them think
it! Her eyelids quivered; she tossed her head, defying them.
What could
the thoughts of those creatures matter to some one who stood
there
bleeding to death, pierced to the heart, to the heart, by such a
letter-- ..."I
feel more and more strongly that our marriage would be a mistake.
Not that I
do not love you. I love you as much as it is possible for me to
love any
woman, but, truth to tell, I have come to the conclusion that I am
not a
marrying man, and the idea of settling down fills me with nothing
but--"
and the word "disgust" was scratched out lightly and
"regret"
written
over the top. Basil!
Miss Meadows stalked over to the piano. And Mary Beazley, who
was
waiting
for this moment, bent forward; her curls fell over her cheeks while
she
breathed, "Good morning, Miss Meadows," and she motioned
towards rather
than
handed to her mistress a beautiful yellow chrysanthemum. This
little
ritual of
the flower had been gone through for ages and ages, quite a term
and a
half. It was as much part of the lesson as opening the piano.
But
this
morning, instead of taking it up, instead of tucking it into her belt
while she
leant over Mary and said, "Thank you, Mary. How very
nice! Turn
to page
thirty-two," what was Mary's horror when Miss Meadows totally
ignored
the chrysanthemum, made no reply to her greeting, but said in a
voice of
ice, "Page fourteen, please, and mark the accents well." Staggering
moment! Mary blushed until the tears stood in her eyes, but
Miss
Meadows was gone back to the music stand; her voice rang through the
music
hall. "Page
fourteen. We will begin with page fourteen. 'A Lament.'
Now,
girls, you
ought to know it by this time. We shall take it all together;
not in
parts, all together. And without expression. Sing it,
though,
quite
simply, beating time with the left hand." She raised
the baton; she tapped the music stand twice. Down came Mary on
the
opening chord; down came all those left hands, beating the air, and
in
chimed
those young, mournful voices:--
"Fast!
Ah, too Fast Fade the Ro-o-ses of Pleasure;
Soon Autumn yields unto Wi-i-nter Drear.
Fleetly!
Ah, Fleetly Mu-u-sic's Gay Measure
Passes away from the Listening Ear." Good
Heavens, what could be more tragic than that lament! Every note
was a
sigh, a
sob, a groan of awful mournfulness. Miss Meadows lifted her
arms
in the
wide gown and began conducting with both hands. "...I feel
more and
more
strongly that our marriage would be a mistake..." she beat.
And the
voices
cried: "Fleetly! Ah, Fleetly." What could
have possessed him to
write such
a letter! What could have led up to it! It came out of
nothing.
His last letter had been all about a fumed-oak bookcase he had
bought for
"our" books, and a "natty little hall-stand" he
had seen, "a
very neat
affair with a carved owl on a bracket, holding three hat-brushes
in its
claws." How she had smiled at that! So like a man to
think one
needed
three hat-brushes! "From the Listening Ear," sang the
voices. "Once
again," said Miss Meadows. "But this time in parts.
Still without
expression."
"Fast! Ah, too Fast." With the gloom of the
contraltos
added, one
could scarcely help shuddering. "Fade the Roses of
Pleasure."
Last time
he had come to see her, Basil had worn a rose in his buttonhole.
How
handsome he had looked in that bright blue suit, with that dark red
rose!
And he knew it, too. He couldn't help knowing it. First
he stroked
his hair,
then his moustache; his teeth gleamed when he smiled. "The
headmaster's wife keeps on asking me to dinner. It's a perfect
nuisance.
I never get an evening to myself in that place." "But
can't you refuse?" "Oh,
well, it doesn't do for a man in my position to be unpopular." "Music's
Gay Measure," wailed the voices. The willow trees, outside
the
high,
narrow windows, waved in the wind. They had lost half their
leaves.
The tiny
ones that clung wriggled like fishes caught on a line. "...I
am
not a
marrying man..." The voices were silent; the piano waited. "Quite
good," said Miss Meadows, but still in such a strange, stony
tone
that the
younger girls began to feel positively frightened. "But
now that
we know
it, we shall take it with expression. As much expression as you
can put
into it. Think of the words, girls. Use your
imaginations.
'Fast!
Ah, too Fast,'" cried Miss Meadows. "That ought to
break out--a
loud,
strong forte--a lament. And then in the second line, 'Winter
Drear,'
make that
'Drear' sound as if a cold wind were blowing through it. 'Dre-
ear!'"
said she so awfully that Mary Beazley, on the music stool, wriggled
her
spine. "The third line should be one crescendo.
'Fleetly! Ah,
Fleetly
Music's Gay Measure.' Breaking on the first word of the last
line,
Passes.'
And then on the word, 'Away,' you must begin to die...to
fade...until
'The Listening Ear' is nothing more than a faint whisper...You
can slow
down as much as you like almost on the last line. Now, please." Again the
two light taps; she lifted her arms again. 'Fast! Ah, too
Fast.'
"...and the idea of settling down fills me with nothing but
disgust--"
Disgust was what he had written. That was as good as to say
their
engagement was definitely broken off. Broken off! Their
engagement!
People had
been surprised enough that she had got engaged. The Science
Mistress
would not believe it at first. But nobody had been as surprised
as she.
She was thirty. Basil was twenty-five. It had been a
miracle,
simply a
miracle, to hear him say, as they walked home from church that
very dark
night, "You know, somehow or other, I've got fond of you."
And
he had
taken hold of the end of her ostrich feather boa. "Passes
away from
the
Listening Ear." "Repeat!
Repeat!" said Miss Meadows. "More expression, girls!
Once
more!" "Fast!
Ah, too Fast." The older girls were crimson; some of the
younger
ones began
to cry. Big spots of rain blew against the windows, and one
could hear
the willows whispering, "...not that I do not love you..." "But,
my darling, if you love me," thought Miss Meadows, "I don't
mind how
much it
is. Love me as little as you like." But she knew he
didn't love
her.
Not to have cared enough to scratch out that word "disgust,"
so that
she
couldn't read it! "Soon Autumn yields unto Winter Drear."
She would
have to
leave the school, too. She could never face the Science
Mistress
or the
girls after it got known. She would have to disappear
somewhere.
"Passes
away." The voices began to die, to fade, to whisper...to
vanish... Suddenly
the door opened. A little girl in blue walked fussily up the
aisle,
hanging her head, biting her lips, and twisting the silver bangle on
her red
little wrist. She came up the steps and stood before Miss
Meadows. "Well,
Monica, what is it?" "Oh,
if you please, Miss Meadows," said the little girl, gasping,
"Miss
Wyatt
wants to see you in the mistress's room." "Very
well," said Miss Meadows. And she called to the girls, "I
shall put
you on
your honour to talk quietly while I am away." But they
were too
subdued to
do anything else. Most of them were blowing their noses. The
corridors were silent and cold; they echoed to Miss Meadows' steps.
The head
mistress sat at her desk. For a moment she did not look up.
She
was as
usual disentangling her eyeglasses, which had got caught in her lace
tie.
"Sit down, Miss Meadows," she said very kindly. And
then she picked
up a pink
envelope from the blotting-pad. "I sent for you just now
because
this
telegram has come for you." "A
telegram for me, Miss Wyatt?" Basil!
He had committed suicide, decided Miss Meadows. Her hand flew
out,
but Miss
Wyatt held the telegram back a moment. "I hope it's not
bad
news,"
she said, so more than kindly. And Miss Meadows tore it open. "Pay
no attention to letter, must have been mad, bought hat-stand to-day--
Basil,"
she read. She couldn't take her eyes off the telegram. "I do
hope it's nothing very serious," said Miss Wyatt, leaning
forward. "Oh,
no, thank you, Miss Wyatt," blushed Miss Meadows. "It's
nothing bad
at all.
It's"--and she gave an apologetic little laugh--"it's from
my
fiance
saying that...saying that--" There was a pause. "I
see," said Miss
Wyatt.
And another pause. Then--"You've fifteen minutes more of
your
class,
Miss Meadows, haven't you?" "Yes,
Miss Wyatt." She got up. She half ran towards the
door. "Oh,
just one minute, Miss Meadows," said Miss Wyatt. "I
must say I don't
approve of
my teachers having telegrams sent to them in school hours,
unless in
case of very bad news, such as death," explained Miss Wyatt, "or
a very
serious accident, or something to that effect. Good news, Miss
Meadows,
will always keep, you know." On the
wings of hope, of love, of joy, Miss Meadows sped back to the music
hall, up
the aisle, up the steps, over to the piano. "Page
thirty-two, Mary," she said, "page thirty-two," and,
picking up the
yellow
chrysanthemum, she held it to her lips to hide her smile. Then
she
turned to
the girls, rapped with her baton: "Page thirty-two,
girls. Page
thirty-two." "We
come here To-day with Flowers o'erladen,
With
Baskets of Fruit and Ribbons to boot,
To-oo
Congratulate... "Stop!
Stop!" cried Miss Meadows. "This is awful. This
is dreadful."
And she
beamed at her girls. "What's the matter with you all?
Think,
girls,
think of what you're singing. Use your imaginations.
'With Flowers
o'erladen.
Baskets of Fruit and Ribbons to boot.' And 'Congratulate.'"
Miss
Meadows broke off. "Don't look so doleful, girls. It
ought to sound
warm,
joyful, eager. 'Congratulate.' Once more. Quickly.
All together.
Now then!" And this
time Miss Meadows' voice sounded over all the other voices--full,
deep,
glowing with expression. It seemed
to the little crowd on the wharf that she was never going to move
again.
There she lay, immense, motionless on the grey crinkled water, a
loop of
smoke above her, an immense flock of gulls screaming and diving
after the
galley droppings at the stern. You could just see little
couples
parading--little
flies walking up and down the dish on the grey crinkled
tablecloth.
Other flies clustered and swarmed at the edge. Now there was
a gleam of
white on the lower deck--the cook's apron or the stewardess
perhaps.
Now a tiny black spider raced up the ladder on to the bridge. In the
front of the crowd a strong-looking, middle-aged man, dressed very
well, very
snugly in a grey overcoat, grey silk scarf, thick gloves and
dark felt
hat, marched up and down, twirling his folded umbrella. He
seemed to
be the leader of the little crowd on the wharf and at the same
time to
keep them together. He was something between the sheep-dog and
the
shepherd. But what a
fool--what a fool he had been not to bring any glasses! There
wasn't a
pair of glasses between the whole lot of them. "Curious
thing, Mr. Scott, that none of us thought of glasses. We might
have been
able to stir 'em up a bit. We might have managed a little
signalling.
'Don't hesitate to land. Natives harmless.' Or: 'A
welcome
awaits
you. All is forgiven.' What? Eh?" Mr.
Hammond's quick, eager glance, so nervous and yet so friendly and
confiding,
took in everybody on the wharf, roped in even those old chaps
lounging
against the gangways. They knew, every man-jack of them, that
Mrs.
Hammond was on that boat, and that he was so tremendously excited it
never
entered his head not to believe that this marvellous fact meant
something
to them too. It warmed his heart towards them. They were,
he
decided,
as decent a crowd of people--Those old chaps over by the gangways,
too--fine,
solid old chaps. What chests--by Jove! And he squared his
own,
plunged
his thick-gloved hands into his pockets, rocked from heel to toe.
"Yes,
my wife's been in Europe for the last ten months. On a visit to
our
eldest
girl, who was married last year. I brought her up here, as far
as
Salisbury,
myself. So I thought I'd better come and fetch her back.
Yes,
yes,
yes." The shrewd grey eyes narrowed again and searched
anxiously,
quickly,
the motionless liner. Again his overcoat was unbuttoned.
Out
came the
thin, butter-yellow watch again, and for the twentieth--fiftieth--
hundredth
time he made the calculation. "Let
me see now. It was two fifteen when the doctor's launch went
off.
Two
fifteen. It is now exactly twenty-eight minutes past four.
That is to
say, the
doctor's been gone two hours and thirteen minutes. Two hours
and
thirteen
minutes! Whee-ooh!" He gave a queer little
half-whistle and
snapped
his watch to again. "But I think we should have been told
if there
was
anything up--don't you, Mr. Gaven?" "Oh,
yes, Mr. Hammond! I don't think there's anything to--anything
to
worry
about," said Mr. Gaven, knocking out his pipe against the heel
of his
shoe.
"At the same time--" "Quite
so! Quite so!" cried Mr. Hammond. "Dashed
annoying!" He paced
quickly up
and down and came back again to his stand between Mr. and Mrs.
Scott and
Mr. Gaven. "It's getting quite dark, too," and he
waved his
folded
umbrella as though the dusk at least might have had the decency to
keep off
for a bit. But the dusk came slowly, spreading like a slow
stain
over the
water. Little Jean Scott dragged at her mother's hand. "I
wan' my tea, mammy!" she wailed. "I
expect you do," said Mr. Hammond. "I expect all these
ladies want their
tea."
And his kind, flushed, almost pitiful glance roped them all in
again.
He wondered whether Janey was having a final cup of tea in the
saloon out
there. He hoped so; he thought not. It would be just like
her
not to
leave the deck. In that case perhaps the deck steward would
bring
her up a
cup. If he'd been there he'd have got it for her--somehow.
And
for a
moment he was on deck, standing over her, watching her little hand
fold round
the cup in the way she had, while she drank the only cup of tea
to be got
on board...But now he was back here, and the Lord only knew when
that
cursed Captain would stop hanging about in the stream. He took
another
turn, up and down, up and down. He walked as far as the
cab-stand
to make
sure his driver hadn't disappeared; back he swerved again to the
little
flock huddled in the shelter of the banana crates. Little Jean
Scott was
still wanting her tea. Poor little beggar! He wished he
had a
bit of
chocolate on him. "Here,
Jean!" he said. "Like a lift up?"
And easily, gently, he swung
the little
girl on to a higher barrel. The movement of holding her,
steadying
her, relieved him wonderfully, lightened his heart.
"Hold
on," he said, keeping an arm round her. "Oh,
don't worry about Jean, Mr. Hammond!" said Mrs. Scott. "That's
all right, Mrs. Scott. No trouble. It's a pleasure.
Jean's a
little pal
of mine, aren't you, Jean?" "Yes,
Mr. Hammond," said Jean, and she ran her finger down the dent of
his
felt hat. But
suddenly she caught him by the ear and gave a loud scream.
"Lo-ok, Mr.
Hammond!
She's moving! Look, she's coming in!" By Jove!
So she was. At last! She was slowly, slowly turning
round. A
bell
sounded far over the water and a great spout of steam gushed into the
air.
The gulls rose; they fluttered away like bits of white paper.
And
whether
that deep throbbing was her engines or his heart Mr. Hammond
couldn't
say. He had to nerve himself to bear it, whatever it was.
At
that
moment old Captain Johnson, the harbour-master, came striding down
the
wharf, a
leather portfolio under his arm. "Jean'll
be all right," said Mr. Scott. "I'll hold her."
He was just in
time.
Mr. Hammond had forgotten about Jean. He sprang away to greet
old
Captain
Johnson. "Well,
Captain," the eager, nervous voice rang out again, "you've
taken
pity on us
at last." "It's
no good blaming me, Mr. Hammond," wheezed old Captain Johnson,
staring at
the liner. "You got Mrs. Hammond on board, ain't yer?" "Yes,
yes!" said Hammond, and he kept by the harbour-master's side.
"Mrs.
Hammond's
there. Hul-lo! We shan't be long now!" With her
telephone ring-ringing, the thrum of her screw filling the air,
the big
liner bore down on them, cutting sharp through the dark water so
that big
white shavings curled to either side. Hammond and the harbour-
master
kept in front of the rest. Hammond took off his hat; he raked
the
decks--they
were crammed with passengers; he waved his hat and bawled a
loud,
strange "Hul-lo!" across the water; and then turned round
and burst
out
laughing and said something--nothing--to old Captain Johnson.
"Seen
her?" asked the harbour-master. "No,
not yet. Steady--wait a bit!" And suddenly, between
two great clumsy
idiots--"Get
out of the way there!" he signed with his umbrella--he saw a
hand
raised--a white glove shaking a handkerchief. Another moment,
and--
thank God,
thank God!--there she was. There was Janey. There was
Mrs.
Hammond,
yes, yes, yes--standing by the rail and smiling and nodding and
waving her
handkerchief. "Well
that's first class--first class! Well, well, well!"
He positively
stamped.
Like lightning he drew out his cigar-case and offered it to old
Captain
Johnson. "Have a cigar, Captain! They're pretty
good. Have a
couple!
Here"--and he pressed all the cigars in the case on the harbour-
master--"I've
a couple of boxes up at the hotel." "Thenks,
Mr. Hammond!" wheezed old Captain Johnson. Hammond
stuffed the cigar-case back. His hands were shaking, but he'd
got
hold of
himself again. He was able to face Janey. There she was,
leaning
on the
rail, talking to some woman and at the same time watching him, ready
for him.
It struck him, as the gulf of water closed, how small she looked
on that
huge ship. His heart was wrung with such a spasm that he could
have cried
out. How little she looked to have come all that long way and
back by
herself! Just like her, though. Just like Janey.
She had the
courage of
a--And now the crew had come forward and parted the passengers;
they had
lowered the rails for the gangways. The voices
on shore and the voices on board flew to greet each other. "All
well?" "All
well." "How's
mother?" "Much
better." "Hullo,
Jean!" "Hillo,
Aun' Emily!" "Had
a good voyage?" "Splendid!" "Shan't
be long now!" "Not
long now." The
engines stopped. Slowly she edged to the wharf-side. "Make
way there--make way--make way!" And the wharf hands
brought the
heavy
gangways along at a sweeping run. Hammond signed to Janey to
stay
where she
was. The old harbour-master stepped forward; he followed.
As to
"ladies
first," or any rot like that, it never entered his head. "After
you, Captain!" he cried genially. And, treading on the old
man's
heels, he
strode up the gangway on to the deck in a bee-line to Janey, and
Janey was
clasped in his arms. "Well,
well, well! Yes, yes! Here we are at last!" he
stammered. It was
all he
could say. And Janey emerged, and her cool little voice--the
only
voice in
the world for him--said, "Well,
darling! Have you been waiting long?" No; not
long. Or, at any rate, it didn't matter. It was over
now. But
the point
was, he had a cab waiting at the end of the wharf. Was she
ready
to go
off. Was her luggage ready? In that case they could cut
off sharp
with her
cabin luggage and let the rest go hang until to-morrow. He bent
over her
and she looked up with her familiar half-smile. She was just
the
same.
Not a day changed. Just as he'd always known her. She
laid her
small hand
on his sleeve. "How
are the children, John?" she asked. (Hang the
children!) "Perfectly well. Never better in their
lives." "Haven't
they sent me letters?" "Yes,
yes--of course! I've left them at the hotel for you to digest
later
on." "We
can't go quite so fast," said she. "I've got people
to say good-bye
to--and
then there's the Captain." As his face fell she gave his
arm a
small
understanding squeeze. "If the Captain comes off the
bridge I want
you to
thank him for having looked after your wife so beautifully."
Well,
he'd got
her. If she wanted another ten minutes--As he gave way she was
surrounded.
The whole first-class seemed to want to say good-bye to Janey. "Good-bye,
dear Mrs. Hammond! And next time you're in Sydney I'll expect
you." "Darling
Mrs. Hammond! You won't forget to write to me, will you?" "Well,
Mrs. Hammond, what this boat would have been without you!" It was as
plain as a pikestaff that she was by far the most popular woman
on board.
And she took it all--just as usual. Absolutely composed.
Just
her little
self--just Janey all over; standing there with her veil thrown
back.
Hammond never noticed what his wife had on. It was all the same
to
him
whatever she wore. But to-day he did notice that she wore a
black
"costume"--didn't
they call it?--with white frills, trimmings he supposed
they were,
at the neck and sleeves. All this while Janey handed him round. "John,
dear!" And then: "I want to introduce you to--" Finally
they did escape, and she led the way to her state-room. To
follow
Janey down
the passage that she knew so well--that was so strange to him;
to part
the green curtains after her and to step into the cabin that had
been hers
gave him exquisite happiness. But--confound it!--the stewardess
was there
on the floor, strapping up the rugs. "That's
the last, Mrs. Hammond," said the stewardess, rising and pulling
down her
cuffs.
He was
introduced again, and then Janey and the stewardess disappeared into
the
passage. He heard whisperings. She was getting the
tipping business
over, he
supposed. He sat down on the striped sofa and took his hat off.
There were
the rugs she had taken with her; they looked good as new. All
her
luggage looked fresh, perfect. The labels were written in her
beautiful
little clear hand--"Mrs. John Hammond." "Mrs.
John Hammond!" He gave a long sigh of content and leaned
back,
crossing
his arms. The strain was over. He felt he could have sat
there
for ever
sighing his relief--the relief at being rid of that horrible tug,
pull, grip
on his heart. The danger was over. That was the feeling.
They
were on
dry land again. But at
that moment Janey's head came round the corner. "Darling--do
you mind? I just want to go and say good-bye to the doctor." Hammond
started up. "I'll come with you." "No,
no!" she said. "Don't bother. I'd rather not.
I'll not be a
minute." And before
he could answer she was gone. He had half a mind to run after
her; but
instead he sat down again. Would she
really not be long? What was the time now? Out came the
watch;
he stared
at nothing. That was rather queer of Janey, wasn't it?
Why
couldn't
she have told the stewardess to say good-bye for her? Why did
she
have to go
chasing after the ship's doctor? She could have sent a note
from the
hotel even if the affair had been urgent. Urgent? Did
it--could
it mean
that she had been ill on the voyage--she was keeping something from
him?
That was it! He seized his hat. He was going off to find
that
fellow and
to wring the truth out of him at all costs. He thought he'd
noticed
just something. She was just a touch too calm--too steady.
From
the very
first moment-- The
curtains rang. Janey was back. He jumped to his feet. "Janey,
have you been ill on this voyage? You have!" "Ill?"
Her airy little voice mocked him. She stepped over the rugs,
and
came up
close, touched his breast, and looked up at him. "Darling,"
she said, "don't frighten me. Of course I haven't!
Whatever
makes you
think I have? Do I look ill?" But
Hammond didn't see her. He only felt that she was looking at
him and
that there
was no need to worry about anything. She was here to look after
things.
It was all right. Everything was.
The gentle
pressure of her hand was so calming that he put his over hers to
hold it
there. And she said: "Stand
still. I want to look at you. I haven't seen you yet.
You've had
your beard
beautifully trimmed, and you look--younger, I think, and
decidedly
thinner! Bachelor life agrees with you." "Agrees
with me!" He groaned for love and caught her close again.
And
again, as
always, he had the feeling that he was holding something that
never was
quite his--his. Something too delicate, too precious, that
would
fly away
once he let go. "For
God's sake let's get off to the hotel so that we can be by
ourselves!"
And he
rang the bell hard for some one to look sharp with the luggage. ... Walking
down the wharf together she took his arm. He had her on his arm
again.
And the difference it made to get into the cab after Janey--to
throw the
red-and-yellow striped blanket round them both--to tell the
driver to
hurry because neither of them had had any tea. No more going
without
his tea or pouring out his own. She was back. He turned
to her,
squeezed
her hand, and said gently, teasingly, in the "special"
voice he
had for
her: "Glad to be home again, dearie?" She
smiled; she didn't even
bother to
answer, but gently she drew his hand away as they came to the
brighter
streets. "We've
got the best room in the hotel," he said. "I wouldn't
be put off
with
another. And I asked the chambermaid to put in a bit of a fire
in
case you
felt chilly. She's a nice, attentive girl. And I thought
now we
were here
we wouldn't bother to go home to-morrow, but spend the day
looking
round and leave the morning after. Does that suit you?
There's no
hurry, is
there? The children will have you soon enough...I thought a
day's
sight-seeing might make a nice break in your journey--eh, Janey?" "Have
you taken the tickets for the day after?" she asked. "I
should think I have!" He unbuttoned his overcoat and took
out his
bulging
pocket-book. "Here we are! I reserved a first-class
carriage to
Cooktown.
There it is--'Mr. and Mrs. John Hammond.' I thought we might as
well do
ourselves comfortably, and we don't want other people butting in,
do we?
But if you'd like to stop here a bit longer--?" "Oh,
no!" said Janey quickly. "Not for the world!
The day after to-
morrow,
then. And the children--" But they
had reached the hotel. The manager was standing in the broad,
brilliantly-lighted
porch. He came down to greet them. A porter ran from
the hall
for their boxes. "Well,
Mr. Arnold, here's Mrs. Hammond at last!" The
manager led them through the hall himself and pressed the elevator-
bell.
Hammond knew there were business pals of his sitting at the little
hall
tables having a drink before dinner. But he wasn't going to
risk
interruption;
he looked neither to the right nor the left. They could
think what
they pleased. If they didn't understand, the more fools they--
and he
stepped out of the lift, unlocked the door of their room, and
shepherded
Janey in. The door shut. Now, at last, they were alone
together.
He turned up the light. The curtains were drawn; the fire
blazed.
He flung his hat on to the huge bed and went towards her. But--would
you believe it!--again they were interrupted. This time it was
the porter
with the luggage. He made two journeys of it, leaving the door
open in
between, taking his time, whistling through his teeth in the
corridor.
Hammond paced up and down the room, tearing off his gloves,
tearing
off his scarf. Finally he flung his overcoat on to the bedside. At last
the fool was gone. The door clicked. Now they were
alone. Said
Hammond:
"I feel I'll never have you to myself again. These cursed
people!
Janey"--and he bent his flushed, eager gaze upon her--"let's
have
dinner up
here. If we go down to the restaurant we'll be interrupted, and
then
there's the confounded music" (the music he'd praised so highly,
applauded
so loudly last night!). "We shan't be able to hear each
other
speak.
Let's have something up here in front of the fire. It's too
late
for tea.
I'll order a little supper, shall I? How does that idea strike
you?" "Do,
darling!" said Janey. "And while you're away--the
children's
letters--" "Oh,
later on will do!" said Hammond. "But
then we'd get it over," said Janey. "And I'd first
have time to--" "Oh,
I needn't go down!" explained Hammond. "I'll just
ring and give the
order...you
don't want to send me away, do you?" Janey
shook her head and smiled. "But
you're thinking of something else. You're worrying about
something,"
said
Hammond. "What is it? Come and sit here--come and
sit on my knee
before the
fire." "I'll
just unpin my hat," said Janey, and she went over to the
dressing-
table.
"A-ah!" She gave a little cry. "What
is it?" "Nothing,
darling. I've just found the children's letters. That's
all
right!
They will keep. No hurry now!" She turned to him,
clasping them.
She tucked
them into her frilled blouse. She cried quickly, gaily:
"Oh,
how
typical this dressing-table is of you!" "Why?
What's the matter with it?" said Hammond. "If
it were floating in eternity I should say 'John!'" laughed
Janey,
staring at
the big bottle of hair tonic, the wicker bottle of eau-de-
Cologne,
the two hair-brushes, and a dozen new collars tied with pink tape.
"Is
this all your luggage?" "Hang
my luggage!" said Hammond; but all the same he liked being
laughed at
by Janey.
"Let's talk. Let's get down to things. Tell me"--and
as Janey
perched on
his knees he leaned back and drew her into the deep, ugly chair-
-"tell
me you're really glad to be back, Janey." "Yes,
darling, I am glad," she said. But just
as when he embraced her he felt she would fly away, so Hammond
never
knew--never knew for dead certain that she was as glad as he was.
How could
he know? Would he ever know? Would he always have this
craving-
-this pang
like hunger, somehow, to make Janey so much part of him that
there
wasn't any of her to escape? He wanted to blot out everybody,
everything.
He wished now he'd turned off the light. That might have
brought
her nearer. And now those letters from the children rustled in
her
blouse.
He could have chucked them into the fire.
"Janey,"
he whispered. "Yes,
dear?" She lay on his breast, but so lightly, so
remotely. Their
breathing
rose and fell together. "Janey!" "What
is it?" "Turn
to me," he whispered. A slow, deep flush flowed into his
forehead.
"Kiss
me, Janey! You kiss me!" It seemed
to him there was a tiny pause--but long enough for him to suffer
torture--before
her lips touched his, firmly, lightly--kissing them as she
always
kissed him, as though the kiss--how could he describe it?--confirmed
what they
were saying, signed the contract. But that wasn't what he
wanted;
that wasn't at all what he thirsted for. He felt suddenly,
horrible
tired. "If
you knew," he said, opening his eyes, "what it's been
like--waiting to-
day.
I thought the boat never would come in. There we were, hanging
about.
What kept you so long?" She made
no answer. She was looking away from him at the fire. The
flames
hurried--hurried
over the coals, flickered, fell. "Not
asleep, are you?" said Hammond, and he jumped her up and down. "No,"
she said. And then: "Don't do that, dear. No,
I was thinking. As
a matter
of fact," she said, "one of the passengers died last
night--a man.
That's
what held us up. We brought him in--I mean, he wasn't buried at
sea.
So, of course, the ship's doctor and the shore doctor--" "What
was it?" asked Hammond uneasily. He hated to hear of
death. He
hated this
to have happened. It was, in some queer way, as though he and
Janey had
met a funeral on their way to the hotel.
"Oh,
it wasn't anything in the least infectious!" said Janey.
She was
speaking
scarcely above her breath. "It was heart." A
pause. "Poor
fellow!"
she said. "Quite young." And she watched the
fire flicker and
fall.
"He died in my arms," said Janey. The blow
was so sudden that Hammond thought he would faint. He couldn't
move; he
couldn't breathe. He felt all his strength flowing--flowing
into
the big
dark chair, and the big dark chair held him fast, gripped him,
forced him
to bear it. "What?"
he said dully. "What's that you say?" "The
end was quite peaceful," said the small voice. "He
just"--and Hammond
saw her
lift her gentle hand--"breathed his life away at the end."
And her
hand fell. "Who--else
was there?" Hammond managed to ask. "Nobody.
I was alone with him." Ah, my
God, what was she saying! What was she doing to him! This
would
kill him!
And all the while she spoke: "I
saw the change coming and I sent the steward for the doctor, but the
doctor was
too late. He couldn't have done anything, anyway." "But--why
you, why you?" moaned Hammond. At that
Janey turned quickly, quickly searched his face. "You
don't mind, John, do you?" she asked. "You
don't--It's nothing to do
with you
and me." Somehow or
other he managed to shake some sort of smile at her. Somehow or
other he
stammered: "No--go--on, go on! I want you to tell
me." "But,
John darling--" "Tell
me, Janey!" "There's
nothing to tell," she said, wondering. "He was one of
the first-
class
passengers. I saw he was very ill when he came on board...But
he
seemed to
be so much better until yesterday. He had a severe attack in
the
afternoon--excitement--nervousness,
I think, about arriving. And after
that he
never recovered." "But
why didn't the stewardess--" "Oh,
my dear--the stewardess!" said Janey. "What would he
have felt? And
besides...he
might have wanted to leave a message...to--" "Didn't
he?" muttered Hammond. "Didn't he say anything?" "No,
darling, not a word!" She shook her head softly.
"All the time I was
with him
he was too weak...he was too weak even to move a finger..." Janey was
silent. But her words, so light, so soft, so chill, seemed to
hover in
the air, to rain into his breast like snow. The fire
had gone red. Now it fell in with a sharp sound and the room
was
colder.
Cold crept up his arms. The room was huge, immense, glittering.
It filled
his whole world. There was the great blind bed, with his coat
flung
across it like some headless man saying his prayers. There was
the
luggage,
ready to be carried away again, anywhere, tossed into trains,
carted on
to boats. ..."He
was too weak. He was too weak to move a finger." And
yet he died
in Janey's
arms. She--who'd never--never once in all these years--never on
one single
solitary occasion-- No; he
mustn't think of it. Madness lay in thinking of it. No,
he
wouldn't
face it. He couldn't stand it. It was too much to bear! And now
Janey touched his tie with her fingers. She pinched the edges
of
the tie
together. "You're
not--sorry I told you, John darling? It hasn't made you sad?
It
hasn't
spoilt our evening--our being alone together?" But at
that he had to hide his face. He put his face into her bosom
and
his arms
enfolded her. Spoilt
their evening! Spoilt their being alone together! They
would never
be alone
together again. A stout
man with a pink face wears dingy white flannel trousers, a blue
coat with
a pink handkerchief showing, and a straw hat much too small for
him,
perched at the back of his head. He plays the guitar. A
little chap
in white
canvas shoes, his face hidden under a felt hat like a broken wing,
breathes
into a flute; and a tall thin fellow, with bursting over-ripe
button
boots, draws ribbons--long, twisted, streaming ribbons--of tune out
of a
fiddle. They stand, unsmiling, but not serious, in the broad
sunlight
opposite
the fruit-shop; the pink spider of a hand beats the guitar, the
little
squat hand, with a brass-and-turquoise ring, forces the reluctant
flute, and
the fiddler's arm tries to saw the fiddle in two. A crowd
collects, eating oranges and bananas, tearing off the skins,
dividing,
sharing. One young girl has even a basket of strawberries, but
she does
not eat them. "Aren't they dear!" She stares at
the tiny pointed
fruits as
if she were afraid of them. The Australian soldier laughs.
"Here,
go on, there's not more than a mouthful." But he doesn't
want her
to eat
them, either. He likes to watch her little frightened face, and
her
puzzled
eyes lifted to his: "Aren't they a price!" He
pushes out his
chest and
grins. Old fat women in velvet bodices--old dusty
pin-cushions--
lean old
hags like worn umbrellas with a quivering bonnet on top; young
women, in
muslins, with hats that might have grown on hedges, and high
pointed
shoes; men in khaki, sailors, shabby clerks, young Jews in fine
cloth
suits with padded shoulders and wide trousers, "hospital boys"
in
blue--the
sun discovers them--the loud, bold music holds them together in
one big
knot for a moment. The young ones are larking, pushing each
other
on and off
the pavement, dodging, nudging; the old ones are talking: "So
I
said to
'im, if you wants the doctor to yourself, fetch 'im, says I." "An'
by the time they was cooked there wasn't so much as you could put in
the palm
of me 'and!" The only
ones who are quiet are the ragged children. They stand, as
close
up to the
musicians as they can get, their hands behind their backs, their
eyes big.
Occasionally a leg hops, an arm wags. A tiny staggerer,
overcome,
turns round twice, sits down solemn, and then gets up again. "Ain't
it lovely?" whispers a small girl behind her hand. And the
music breaks into bright pieces, and joins together again, and
again
breaks, and is dissolved, and the crowd scatters, moving slowly up
the hill.
At the
corner of the road the stalls begin. "Ticklers!
Tuppence a tickler! 'Ool 'ave a tickler? Tickle 'em up,
boys."
Little soft brooms on wire handles. They are eagerly bought by
the
soldiers. "Buy
a golliwog! Tuppence a golliwog!" "Buy
a jumping donkey! All alive-oh!" "Su-perior
chewing gum. Buy something to do, boys." "Buy
a rose. Give 'er a rose, boy. Roses, lady?" "Fevvers!
Fevvers!" They are hard to resist. Lovely, streaming
feathers,
emerald
green, scarlet, bright blue, canary yellow. Even the babies
wear
feathers
threaded through their bonnets. And an old
woman in a three-cornered paper hat cries as if it were her
final
parting advice, the only way of saving yourself or of bringing him to
his
senses: "Buy a three-cornered 'at, my dear, an' put it
on!" It is a
flying day, half sun, half wind. When the sun goes in a shadow
flies
over; when it comes out again it is fiery. The men and women
feel it
burning
their backs, their breasts and their arms; they feel their bodies
expanding,
coming alive...so that they make large embracing gestures, lift
up their
arms, for nothing, swoop down on a girl, blurt into laughter. Lemonade!
A whole tank of it stands on a table covered with a cloth; and
lemons
like blunted fishes blob in the yellow water. It looks solid,
like
a jelly,
in the thick glasses. Why can't they drink it without spilling
it?
Everybody spills it, and before the glass is handed back the last
drops are
thrown in a ring. Round the
ice-cream cart, with its striped awning and bright brass cover,
the
children cluster. Little tongues lick, lick round the cream
trumpets,
round the
squares. The cover is lifted, the wooden spoon plunges in; one
shuts
one's eyes to feel it, silently scrunching. "Let
these little birds tell you your future!" She stands
beside the cage,
a
shrivelled ageless Italian, clasping and unclasping her dark claws.
Her
face, a
treasure of delicate carving, is tied in a green-and-gold scarf.
And inside
their prison the love-birds flutter towards the papers in the
seed-tray. "You
have great strength of character. You will marry a red-haired
man and
have three
children. Beware of a blonde woman." Look out!
Look out! A
motor-car
driven by a fat chauffeur comes rushing down the hill. Inside
there a
blonde woman, pouting, leaning forward--rushing through your life--
beware!
beware! "Ladies
and gentlemen, I am an auctioneer by profession, and if what I tell
you is not
the truth I am liable to have my licence taken away from me and
a heavy
imprisonment." He holds the licence across his chest; the
sweat
pours down
his face into his paper collar; his eyes look glazed. When he
takes off
his hat there is a deep pucker of angry flesh on his forehead.
Nobody
buys a watch. Look out
again! A huge barouche comes swinging down the hill with two
old,
old babies
inside. She holds up a lace parasol; he sucks the knob of his
cane, and
the fat old bodies roll together as the cradle rocks, and the
steaming
horse leaves a trail of manure as it ambles down the hill. Under a
tree, Professor Leonard, in cap and gown, stands beside his banner.
He is here
"for one day," from the London, Paris and Brussels
Exhibition,
to tell
your fortune from your face. And he stands, smiling
encouragement,
like a
clumsy dentist. When the big men, romping and swearing a moment
before,
hand across their sixpence, and stand before him, they are suddenly
serious,
dumb, timid, almost blushing as the Professor's quick hand notches
the
printed card. They are like little children caught playing in a
forbidden
garden by the owner, stepping from behind a tree. The top of
the hill is reached. How hot it is! How fine it is!
The
public-house
is open, and the crowd presses in. The mother sits on the
pavement
edge with her baby, and the father brings her out a glass of dark,
brownish
stuff, and then savagely elbows his way in again. A reek of
beer
floats
from the public-house, and a loud clatter and rattle of voices. The wind
has dropped, and the sun burns more fiercely than ever. Outside
the two
swing-doors there is a thick mass of children like flies at the
mouth of a
sweet-jar. And up, up
the hill come the people, with ticklers and golliwogs, and roses
and
feathers. Up, up they thrust into the light and heat, shouting,
laughing,
squealing, as though they were being pushed by something, far
below, and
by the sun, far ahead of them--drawn up into the full, bright,
dazzling
radiance to...what? That
evening for the first time in his life, as he pressed through the
swing door
and descended the three broad steps to the pavement, old Mr.
Neave felt
he was too old for the spring. Spring--warm, eager, restless--
was there,
waiting for him in the golden light, ready in front of everybody
to run up,
to blow in his white beard, to drag sweetly on his arm. And he
couldn't
meet her, no; he couldn't square up once more and stride off,
jaunty as
a young man. He was tired and, although the late sun was still
shining,
curiously cold, with a numbed feeling all over. Quite suddenly
he
hadn't the
energy, he hadn't the heart to stand this gaiety and bright
movement
any longer; it confused him. He wanted to stand still, to wave
it
away with
his stick, to say, "Be off with you!" Suddenly it was
a terrible
effort to
greet as usual--tipping his wide-awake with his stick--all the
people
whom he knew, the friends, acquaintances, shopkeepers, postmen,
drivers.
But the gay glance that went with the gesture, the kindly twinkle
that
seemed to say, "I'm a match and more for any of you"--that
old Mr.
Neave
could not manage at all. He stumped along, lifting his knees
high as
if he were
walking through air that had somehow grown heavy and solid like
water.
And the homeward-looking crowd hurried by, the trams clanked, the
light
carts clattered, the big swinging cabs bowled along with that
reckless,
defiant indifference that one knows only in dreams... It had
been a day like other days at the office. Nothing special had
happened.
Harold hadn't come back from lunch until close on four. Where
had he
been? What had he been up to? He wasn't going to let his
father
know.
Old Mr. Neave had happened to be in the vestibule, saying good-bye
to a
caller, when Harold sauntered in, perfectly turned out as usual,
cool,
suave,
smiling that peculiar little half-smile that women found so
fascinating.
Ah, Harold
was too handsome, too handsome by far; that had been the trouble
all
along. No man had a right to such eyes, such lashes, and such
lips; it
was
uncanny. As for his mother, his sisters, and the servants, it
was not
too much
to say they made a young god of him; they worshipped Harold, they
forgave
him everything; and he had needed some forgiving ever since the
time when
he was thirteen and he had stolen his mother's purse, taken the
money, and
hidden the purse in the cook's bedroom. Old Mr. Neave struck
sharply
with his stick upon the pavement edge. But it wasn't only his
family who
spoiled Harold, he reflected, it was everybody; he had only to
look and
to smile, and down they went before him. So perhaps it wasn't
to
be
wondered at that he expected the office to carry on the tradition.
H'm,
h'm!
But it couldn't be done. No business--not even a successful,
established,
big paying concern--could be played with. A man had either to
put his
whole heart and soul into it, or it went all to pieces before his
eyes... And then
Charlotte and the girls were always at him to make the whole thing
over to
Harold, to retire, and to spend his time enjoying himself.
Enjoying
himself! Old Mr. Neave stopped dead under a group of ancient
cabbage
palms outside the Government buildings! Enjoying himself!
The
wind of
evening shook the dark leaves to a thin airy cackle. Sitting at
home,
twiddling his thumbs, conscious all the while that his life's work
was
slipping away, dissolving, disappearing through Harold's fine
fingers,
while
Harold smiled... "Why
will you be so unreasonable, father? There's absolutely no need
for
you to go
to the office. It only makes it very awkward for us when people
persist in
saying how tired you're looking. Here's this huge house and
garden.
Surely you could be happy in--in--appreciating it for a change.
Or you
could take up some hobby." And Lola
the baby had chimed in loftily, "All men ought to have hobbies.
It makes
life impossible if they haven't." Well,
well! He couldn't help a grim smile as painfully he began to
climb
the hill
that led into Harcourt Avenue. Where would Lola and her sisters
and
Charlotte be if he'd gone in for hobbies, he'd like to know?
Hobbies
couldn't
pay for the town house and the seaside bungalow, and their horses,
and their
golf, and the sixty-guinea gramophone in the music-room for them
to dance
to. Not that he grudged them these things. No, they were
smart,
good-looking
girls, and Charlotte was a remarkable woman; it was natural
for them
to be in the swim. As a matter of fact, no other house in the
town was
as popular as theirs; no other family entertained so much. And
how many
times old Mr. Neave, pushing the cigar box across the smoking-room
table, had
listened to praises of his wife, his girls, of himself even. "You're
an ideal family, sir, an ideal family. It's like something one
reads
about or sees on the stage." "That's
all right, my boy," old Mr. Neave would reply. "Try
one of those;
I think
you'll like them. And if you care to smoke in the garden,
you'll
find the
girls on the lawn, I dare say." That was
why the girls had never married, so people said. They could
have
married
anybody. But they had too good a time at home. They were
too
happy
together, the girls and Charlotte. H'm, h'm! Well, well.
Perhaps
so... By this
time he had walked the length of fashionable Harcourt Avenue; he
had
reached the corner house, their house. The carriage gates were
pushed
back;
there were fresh marks of wheels on the drive. And then he
faced the
big
white-painted house, with its wide-open windows, its tulle curtains
floating
outwards, its blue jars of hyacinths on the broad sills. On
either
side of the carriage porch their hydrangeas--famous in the town--
were
coming into flower; the pinkish, bluish masses of flower lay like
light
among the spreading leaves. And somehow, it seemed to old Mr.
Neave
that the
house and the flowers, and even the fresh marks on the drive, were
saying,
"There is young life here. There are girls--" The hall,
as always, was dusky with wraps, parasols, gloves, piled on the
oak
chests. From the music-room sounded the piano, quick, loud and
impatient.
Through the drawing-room door that was ajar voices floated. "And
were there ices?" came from Charlotte. Then the creak,
creak of her
rocker. "Ices!"
cried Ethel. "My dear mother, you never saw such ices.
Only two
kinds.
And one a common little strawberry shop ice, in a sopping wet
frill." "The
food altogether was too appalling," came from Marion. "Still,
it's rather early for ices," said Charlotte easily. "But
why, if one has them at all ..." began Ethel. "Oh,
quite so, darling," crooned Charlotte. Suddenly
the music-room door opened and Lola dashed out. She started,
she
nearly
screamed, at the sight of old Mr. Neave. "Gracious,
father! What a fright you gave me! Have you just come
home?
Why isn't
Charles here to help you off with your coat?" Her cheeks
were crimson from playing, her eyes glittered, the hair fell
over her
forehead. And she breathed as though she had come running
through
the dark
and was frightened. Old Mr. Neave stared at his youngest
daughter;
he felt he had never seen her before. So that was Lola, was it?
But she
seemed to have forgotten her father; it was not for him that she
was
waiting there. Now she put the tip of her crumpled handkerchief
between
her teeth and tugged at it angrily. The telephone rang.
A-ah!
Lola gave
a cry like a sob and dashed past him. The door of the
telephone-
room
slammed, and at the same moment Charlotte called, "Is that you,
father?" "You're
tired again," said Charlotte reproachfully, and she stopped the
rocker and
offered her warm plum-like cheek. Bright-haired Ethel pecked
his beard,
Marion's lips brushed his ear. "Did
you walk back, father?" asked Charlotte. "Yes,
I walked home," said old Mr. Neave, and he sank into one of the
immense
drawing-room chairs. "But
why didn't you take a cab?" said Ethel. "There are
hundred of cabs
about at
that time." "My
dear Ethel," cried Marion, "if father prefers to tire
himself out, I
really
don't see what business of ours it is to interfere." "Children,
children?" coaxed Charlotte. But Marion
wouldn't be stopped. "No, mother, you spoil father, and
it's
not
right. You ought to be stricter with him. He's very
naughty." She
laughed
her hard, bright laugh and patted her hair in a mirror.
Strange!
When she
was a little girl she had such a soft, hesitating voice; she had
even
stuttered, and now, whatever she said--even if it was only "Jam,
please,
father"--it rang out as though she were on the stage. "Did
Harold leave the office before you, dear?" asked Charlotte,
beginning
to rock
again. "I'm
not sure," said Old Mr. Neave. "I'm not sure. I
didn't see him after
four
o'clock." "He
said--" began Charlotte. But at
that moment Ethel, who was twitching over the leaves of some paper
or other,
ran to her mother and sank down beside her chair. "There,
you see," she cried. "That's what I mean, mummy.
Yellow, with
touches of
silver. Don't you agree?" "Give
it to me, love," said Charlotte. She fumbled for her
tortoise-shell
spectacles
and put them on, gave the page a little dab with her plump small
fingers,
and pursed up her lips. "Very sweet!" she crooned
vaguely; she
looked at
Ethel over her spectacles. "But I shouldn't have the
train." "Not
the train!" wailed Ethel tragically. "But the train's
the whole
point." "Here,
mother, let me decide." Marion snatched the paper
playfully from
Charlotte.
"I agree with mother," she cried triumphantly. "The
train
overweights
it." Old Mr.
Neave, forgotten, sank into the broad lap of his chair, and,
dozing,
heard them as though he dreamed. There was no doubt about it,
he
was tired
out; he had lost his hold. Even Charlotte and the girls were
too
much for
him to-night. They were too...too...But all his drowsing brain
could
think of was--too rich for him. And somewhere at the back of
everything
he was watching a little withered ancient man climbing up
endless
flights of stairs. Who was he? "I
shan't dress to-night," he muttered. "What
do you say, father?" "Eh,
what, what?" Old Mr. Neave woke with a start and stared
across at
them.
"I shan't dress to-night," he repeated. "But,
father, we've got Lucile coming, and Henry Davenport, and Mrs. Teddie
Walker." "It
will look so very out of the picture." "Don't
you feel well, dear?" "You
needn't make any effort. What is Charles for?" "But
if you're really not up to it," Charlotte wavered. "Very
well! Very well!" Old Mr. Neave got up and went to
join that little
old
climbing fellow just as far as his dressing-room... There
young Charles was waiting for him. Carefully, as though
everything
depended
on it, he was tucking a towel round the hot-water can. Young
Charles
had been a favourite of his ever since as a little red-faced boy he
had come
into the house to look after the fires. Old Mr. Neave lowered
himself
into the cane lounge by the window, stretched out his legs, and
made his
little evening joke, "Dress him up, Charles!" And
Charles,
breathing
intensely and frowning, bent forward to take the pin out of his
tie. H'm, h'm!
Well, well! It was pleasant by the open window, very pleasant--
a fine
mild evening. They were cutting the grass on the tennis court
below; he
heard the soft churr of the mower. Soon the girls would begin
their
tennis parties again. And at the thought he seemed to hear
Marion's
voice ring
out, "Good for you, partner...Oh, played, partner...Oh, very
nice
indeed." Then Charlotte calling from the veranda, "Where
is Harold?"
And Ethel,
"He's certainly not here, mother." And Charlotte's
vague, "He
said--" Old Mr.
Neave sighed, got up, and putting one hand under his beard, he took
the comb
from young Charles, and carefully combed the white beard over.
Charles
gave him a folded handkerchief, his watch and seals, and spectacle
case. "That
will do, my lad." The door shut, he sank back, he was
alone... And now
that little ancient fellow was climbing down endless flights that
led to a
glittering, gay dining-room. What legs he had! They were
like a
spider's--thin,
withered. "You're
an ideal family, sir, an ideal family." But if
that were true, why didn't Charlotte or the girls stop him? Why
was
he all
alone, climbing up and down? Where was Harold? Ah, it was
no good
expecting
anything from Harold. Down, down went the little old spider,
and
then, to
his horror, old Mr. Neave saw him slip past the dining-room and
make for
the porch, the dark drive, the carriage gates, the office. Stop
him, stop
him, somebody! Old Mr.
Neave started up. It was dark in his dressing-room; the window
shone
pale. How long had he been asleep? He listened, and
through the
big, airy,
darkened house there floated far-away voices, far-away sounds.
Perhaps,
he thought vaguely, he had been asleep for a long time. He'd
been
forgotten.
What had all this to do with him--this house and Charlotte, the
girls and
Harold--what did he know about them? They were strangers to
him.
Life had
passed him by. Charlotte was not his wife. His wife! ...A dark
porch, half hidden by a passion-vine, that drooped sorrowful,
mournful,
as though it understood. Small, warm arms were round his neck.
A face,
little and pale, lifted to his, and a voice breathed, "Good-bye,
my
treasure." My
treasure! "Good-bye, my treasure!" Which of
them had spoken? Why had
they said
good-bye? There had been some terrible mistake. She was
his
wife, that
little pale girl, and all the rest of his life had been a dream. Then the
door opened, and young Charles, standing in the light, put his
hands by
his side and shouted like a young soldier, "Dinner is on the
table,
sir!" "I'm
coming, I'm coming," said old Mr. Neave. Eleven
o'clock. A knock at the door...I hope I haven't disturbed you,
madam.
You weren't asleep--were you? But I've just given my lady her
tea,
and there
was such a nice cup over, I thought, perhaps... ...Not at
all, madam. I always make a cup of tea last thing. She
drinks
it in bed
after her prayers to warm her up. I put the kettle on when she
kneels
down and I say to it, "Now you needn't be in too much of a hurry
to
say your
prayers." But it's always boiling before my lady is half
through.
You see,
madam, we know such a lot of people, and they've all got to be
prayed
for--every one. My lady keeps a list of the names in a little
red
book.
Oh dear! whenever some one new has been to see us and my lady says
afterwards,
"Ellen, give me my little red book," I feel quite wild, I
do.
"There's
another," I think, "keeping her out of her bed in all
weathers."
And she
won't have a cushion, you know, madam; she kneels on the hard
carpet.
It fidgets me something dreadful to see her, knowing her as I do.
I've tried
to cheat her; I've spread out the eiderdown. But the first time
I did
it--oh, she gave me such a look--holy it was, madam. "Did
our Lord
have an
eiderdown, Ellen?" she said. But--I was younger at the
time--I
felt
inclined to say, "No, but our Lord wasn't your age, and he
didn't know
what it
was to have your lumbago." Wicked--wasn't it? But
she's too good,
you know,
madam. When I tucked her up just now and seen--saw her lying
back, her
hands outside and her head on the pillow--so pretty--I couldn't
help
thinking, "Now you look just like your dear mother when I laid
her
out!" ...Yes,
madam, it was all left to me. Oh, she did look sweet. I
did her
hair,
soft-like, round her forehead, all in dainty curls, and just to one
side of
her neck I put a bunch of most beautiful purple pansies. Those
pansies
made a picture of her, madam! I shall never forget them.
I
thought
to-night, when I looked at my lady, "Now, if only the pansies
was
there no
one could tell the difference." ...Only
the last year, madam. Only after she'd got a
little--well--feeble
as you
might say. Of course, she was never dangerous; she was the
sweetest
old lady.
But how it took her was--she thought she'd lost something. She
couldn't
keep still, she couldn't settle. All day long she'd be up and
down, up
and down; you'd meet her everywhere,--on the stairs, in the porch,
making for
the kitchen. And she'd look up at you, and she'd say--just like
a child,
"I've lost it, I've lost it." "Come along,"
I'd say, "come along,
and I'll
lay out your patience for you." But she'd catch me by the
hand--I
was a
favourite of hers--and whisper, "Find it for me, Ellen.
Find it for
me."
Sad, wasn't it? ...No, she
never recovered, madam. She had a stroke at the end. Last
words she
ever said was--very slow, "Look in--the--Look--in--"
And then
she was
gone. ...No,
madam, I can't say I noticed it. Perhaps some girls. But
you see,
it's like
this, I've got nobody but my lady. My mother died of
consumption
when I was
four, and I lived with my grandfather, who kept a hair-dresser's
shop.
I used to spend all my time in the shop under a table dressing my
doll's
hair--copying the assistants, I suppose. They were ever so kind
to
me.
Used to make me little wigs, all colours, the latest fashions and
all.
And there
I'd sit all day, quiet as quiet--the customers never knew. Only
now and
again I'd take my peep from under the table-cloth. ...But one
day I managed to get a pair of scissors and--would you believe
it,
madam? I cut off all my hair; snipped it off all in bits, like
the
little
monkey I was. Grandfather was furious! He caught hold of
the
tongs--I
shall never forget it--grabbed me by the hand and shut my fingers
in them.
"That'll teach you!" he said. It was a fearful burn.
I've got
the mark
of it to-day. ...Well,
you see, madam, he'd taken such pride in my hair. He used to
sit
me up on
the counter, before the customers came, and do it something
beautiful--big,
soft curls and waved over the top. I remember the
assistants
standing round, and me ever so solemn with the penny grandfather
gave me to
hold while it was being done...But he always took the penny back
afterwards.
Poor grandfather! Wild, he was, at the fright I'd made of
myself.
But he frightened me that time. Do you know what I did, madam?
I
ran away.
Yes, I did, round the corners, in and out, I don't know how far
I didn't
run. Oh, dear, I must have looked a sight, with my hand rolled
up
in my
pinny and my hair sticking out. People must have laughed when
they
saw me... ...No,
madam, grandfather never got over it. He couldn't bear the
sight of
me after.
Couldn't eat his dinner, even, if I was there. So my aunt took
me.
She was a cripple, an upholstress. Tiny! She had to stand
on the
sofas when
she wanted to cut out the backs. And it was helping her I met
my lady... ...Not so
very, madam. I was thirteen, turned. And I don't remember
ever
feeling--well--a
child, as you might say. You see there was my uniform,
and one
thing and another. My lady put me into collars and cuffs from
the
first.
Oh yes--once I did! That was--funny! It was like this.
My lady
had her
two little nieces staying with her--we were at Sheldon at the time-
-and there
was a fair on the common. "Now,
Ellen," she said, "I want you to take the two young ladies
for a ride
on the
donkeys." Off we went; solemn little loves they were; each
had a
hand.
But when we came to the donkeys they were too shy to go on. So
we
stood and
watched instead. Beautiful those donkeys were! They were
the
first I'd
seen out of a cart--for pleasure as you might say. They were a
lovely
silver-grey, with little red saddles and blue bridles and bells
jing-a-jingling
on their ears. And quite big girls--older than me, even--
were
riding them, ever so gay. Not at all common, I don't mean,
madam,
just
enjoying themselves. And I don't know what it was, but the way
the
little
feet went, and the eyes--so gentle--and the soft ears--made me want
to go on a
donkey more than anything in the world! ...Of
course, I couldn't. I had my young ladies. And what would
I have
looked
like perched up there in my uniform? But all the rest of the
day it
was
donkeys--donkeys on the brain with me. I felt I should have
burst if I
didn't
tell some one; and who was there to tell? But when I went to
bed--I
was
sleeping in Mrs. James's bedroom, our cook that was, at the time--as
soon as
the lights was out, there they were, my donkeys, jingling along,
with their
neat little feet and sad eyes...Well, madam, would you believe
it, I
waited for a long time and pretended to be asleep, and then suddenly
I sat up
and called out as loud as I could, "I do want to go on a donkey.
I do want
a donkey-ride!" You see, I had to say it, and I thought
they
wouldn't
laugh at me if they knew I was only dreaming. Artful--wasn't
it?
Just what
a silly child would think... ...No,
madam, never now. Of course, I did think of it at one time.
But it
wasn't to
be. He had a little flower-shop just down the road and across
from where
we was living. Funny--wasn't it? And me such a one for
flowers.
We were having a lot of company at the time, and I was in and out
of the
shop more often than not, as the saying is. And Harry and I
(his
name was
Harry) got to quarrelling about how things ought to be arranged--
and that
began it. Flowers! you wouldn't believe it, madam, the flowers
he
used to
bring me. He'd stop at nothing. It was
lilies-of-the-valley more
than once,
and I'm not exaggerating! Well, of course, we were going to be
married
and live over the shop, and it was all going to be just so, and I
was to
have the window to arrange...Oh, how I've done that window of a
Saturday!
Not really, of course, madam, just dreaming, as you might say.
I've done
it for Christmas--motto in holly, and all--and I've had my Easter
lilies
with a gorgeous star all daffodils in the middle. I've
hung--well,
that's
enough of that. The day came he was to call for me to choose
the
furniture.
Shall I ever forget it? It was a Tuesday. My lady wasn't
quite
herself that afternoon. Not that she'd said anything, of
course; she
never does
or will. But I knew by the way that she kept wrapping herself
up and
asking me if it was cold--and her little nose looked...pinched.
I
didn't
like leaving her; I knew I'd be worrying all the time. At last
I
asked her
if she'd rather I put it off. "Oh no, Ellen," she
said, "you
mustn't
mind about me. You mustn't disappoint your young man."
And so
cheerful,
you know, madam, never thinking about herself. It made me feel
worse than
ever. I began to wonder...then she dropped her handkerchief and
began to
stoop down to pick it up herself--a thing she never did.
"Whatever
are you doing!" I cried, running to stop her. "Well,"
she said,
smiling,
you know, madam, "I shall have to begin to practise."
Oh, it was
all I
could do not to burst out crying. I went over to the
dressing-table
and made
believe to rub up the silver, and I couldn't keep myself in, and I
asked her
if she'd rather I...didn't get married. "No, Ellen,"
she said--
that was
her voice, madam, like I'm giving you--"No, Ellen, not for the
wide
world!" But while she said it, madam--I was looking in her
glass; of
course,
she didn't know I could see her--she put her little hand on her
heart just
like her dear mother used to, and lifted her eyes...Oh, madam! When Harry
came I had his letters all ready, and the ring and a ducky
little
brooch he'd given me--a silver bird it was, with a chain in its
beak, and
on the end of the chain a heart with a dagger. Quite the thing!
I opened
the door to him. I never gave him time for a word. "There
you
are,"
I said. "Take them all back," I said, "it's all
over. I'm not going
to marry
you," I said, "I can't leave my lady." White! he
turned as white
as a
woman. I had to slam the door, and there I stood, all of a
tremble,
till I
knew he had gone. When I opened the door--believe me or not,
madam-
-that man
was gone! I ran out into the road just as I was, in my apron
and
my
house-shoes, and there I stayed in the middle of the road...staring.
People
must have laughed if they saw me... ...Goodness
gracious!--What's that? It's the clock striking! And here
I've been
keeping you awake. Oh, madam, you ought to have stopped
me...Can
I tuck in
your feet? I always tuck in my lady's feet, every night, just
the same.
And she says, "Good night, Ellen. Sleep sound and wake
early!"
I don't
know what I should do if she didn't say that, now. ...Oh
dear, I sometimes think...whatever should I do if anything were
to...But,
there, thinking's no good to any one--is it, madam? Thinking
won't
help. Not that I do it often. And if ever I do I pull
myself up
sharp,
"Now, then, Ellen. At it again--you silly girl! If
you can't find
anything
better to do than to start thinking!..."